Marshmallo Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 "I'll go back on the mail" "I've chased person X for an update" "It's up to their side if they want to take a deep dive into the data" -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Also, if he thinks something is too detailed he'll say "I don't think the detail needs to be that granular". Granular - f**k sake! Granular is a beauty. It's generally used in my work to mean "I don't want to listen to you talk about each individual line of code you borderline Aspergers weirdo, just tell me when it's going to be fixed" - "let's not get into a granular level of detail here". I hope I'm not the only person reading this thread cringing when I see words and phrases that I have used myself 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doulikefish Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Try a team building course in America 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I literally went months wondering what the fcuk my manager was talking about precisely when she kept referring to 'stakeholders'. At first I thought she was talking about important customers. Then I thought she must be talking about the contact person when dealing with our customers. Turns out it's just a word to use when you don't know who the fcuk you're talking about and want to seem non-incompetent. No, it's a word used instead of "tenants" (If in a housing environment) or "architects/consulting engineers/structural engineers/quantity surveyors" in a similar context, or "client". It's a nothing word that conversely makes everyone seem important. After all, wouldn't you rather be a "stakeholder" than a "tenant/client/architectural technician"? "Service user" is another phrase used all the time. What is wrong with "patient", "customer" "pupil" etc? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Still pimping? Only rolling 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Event management companies are the absolute emperors of this shit. Just a constant incorrect use of words as verbs, "we'll contingency this", so and so will "outcome that". Makes me literally want to dead myself and everyone around me. This. I can kind of understand people using the word action when it's actually something important or new. If some c**t suggests something in a meeting or something and everyone agrees it's an "action point" I can just about avoid the seethe. Picking up some biscuits for a meeting whilst I'm out does not require me to "action that on our end". c***s. Reminds me of this - Bill Watterson had it sussed way back in the early 90s: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vacamion Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 To anybody who ever says: There's no "I" in "team" Try to respond whilst pointing at them: But there IS a "U" in "cvnt". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bookies Love Me Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 To anybody who ever says: There's no "I" in "team" Try to respond whilst pointing at them: But there IS a "U" in "cvnt". Or Say, "No. But there is an M and E" Totally dumfounds them. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshmallo Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 The word "advise" no longer looks like a word to me, I've seen it so much. Or as the Indian team phrase it, "please advice". -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAFC Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Lean, six sigma. Somehow it makes sense to learn something in Japanese then work out what it means in English? Just tell us the English words first. Kaizen = change good. Just fucking tell us change is good. Arrrrrrgggghhhh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vacamion Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 When did everyone stop using "Thanks" or even "Yours sincerely" at the end of e-mails and start putting "Kind Regards", even when they don't know and have never met the recipient? I hate "Kind Regards". My boss has started using "data mining" as a synonym for "had a brief look at a spreadsheet"... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Try a team building course in America or working here! Just left a job at an Insurance company because "I wasn't the right fit"....mutual consent I might add, if I hadn't left I would have very shortly told my manager to f**k off. Still get the slough of corporate speak texts every morning (starting around 6am!) full of bullshit I assume, I just delete them now. Lots of crap about being "warriors", FFS at one agency meeting the boss had us watching "300" and telling us to be like Leonidas! Lots of other crap about us being "producers of wealth", "what is your "why"?", "take control of your sphere", "look at the people you regard as your "circle" and get rid of those who negativise you". We were even supposed to watch a you tube series every week from the boss called "soldier up sundays" I was far too laid back for their liking, despite making the sales target for the 2 weeks I was out there, but I was never "carrying my sword aggressively enough" (yes, really) to"be part of the final 300" BTW I've never seen the film and have no plans to now! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vacamion Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My wife was in a meeting where someone with fallopian tubes for ears suggested "Let's put that in the ideas fridge and snack on it later" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAFC Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 ^Looks like a bad case of the Mondays!? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 When did everyone stop using "Thanks" or even "Yours sincerely" at the end of e-mails and start putting "Kind Regards", even when they don't know and have never met the recipient? I hate "Kind Regards". My boss has started using "data mining" as a synonym for "had a brief look at a spreadsheet"... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) On a conference call with my boss beside me, he asked me to give a "high level" overview of what we were working on. I had to mute the phone to ask him what he meant by "high level". I thought he meant a detailed description but turns out he meant a rough overview. Why couldn't he have just said that?! I still get this mixed up. I too would think that 'high level' would be a level of high detail / high resolution. Maybe we're actually both right and folk are just blabbering pish which they heard in a meeting once and have no idea what it actually means??? Eta (on the email thing), I hate it when somebody asks "would it be ok if you... insert task... at all?" and then signs off with a cheers or thanks. Did you just effectively tell me to do something? Unless you're my boss, GTF ya cheeky ****. Edited April 21, 2014 by Hedgecutter 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half Rice Half Chips Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Granular is a beauty. It's generally used in my work to mean "I don't want to listen to you talk about each individual line of code you borderline Aspergers weirdo, just tell me when it's going to be fixed" - "let's not get into a granular level of detail here". I hope I'm not the only person reading this thread cringing when I see words and phrases that I have used myself The only context I could ever imagine myself using the word granular is if I was talking about bisto gravy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scary Bear Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 When did everyone stop using "Thanks" or even "Yours sincerely" at the end of e-mails and start putting "Kind Regards", even when they don't know and have never met the recipient? I hate "Kind Regards". My boss has started using "data mining" as a synonym for "had a brief look at a spreadsheet"... I've always just stuck 'Regards' at the end of e-mails, but recently I've been spicing it up a bit with 'Kind regards', 'Best regards', and the likes. I often typo it and it comes out as 'Bets regards'. Very Bet365. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My boss has started using "data mining" as a synonym for "had a brief look at a spreadsheet"... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I've always just stuck 'Regards' at the end of e-mails, but recently I've been spicing it up a bit with 'Kind regards', 'Best regards', and the likes. I often typo it and it comes out as 'Bets regards'. Very Bet365. Even worse is that g and t are next to each other on the keyboard. Mistakes have been made when trying to sign off with 'Regards,'. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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