Jacksgranda Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 What a headline. From the Bedfordshire on Sunday. 'Semi-erect' OAP caught shampooing his genitals on a bus claims he's 'no hardened criminal' Written byRUPERT MARQUAND A PENSIONER was caught shampooing his privates on a bus after becoming irritated with his underpants. Philip Milne, 74, was travelling from Bletchley to Bedford when he began to have some issues with his briefs and unzipped his trousers to 'use some shampoo to soothe his groin area' because he did not have his ointment to hand. He was spotted by a mother and son who 'were chatting and heard there was something going on' and turned around to have a look, Bedford Magistrates' Court heard today (September 3). Prosecuting Camille Gifford said: "In essence the defendant was masturbating while on the bus. “He had his zip undone on his trousers and was rubbing his penis and his testicles." Milne, of Water Eaton Road, Bletchley, had earlier been to the swimming pool when he was found applying the hair-care product on August 13. Ms Gifford added: "He said he had some issues with some briefs he was wearing and he was using ointment to soothe the area. "He says he became irritated but didn't have the ointment and instead used some shampoo to soothe his groin. "The mother notified the bus driver who then notified the police and Milne was told to stay on the back of the bus. "He said he wasn't masturbating and resented everyone else on the bus for ganging up on him." Milne, who admitted guilt to the one charge of an act of outraging public decency, represented himself in court. He said: "I'm not disputing what was done was wrong but bear in mind I thought I was being discreet." Milne, who was described as 'semi-erect' during the act, added: "I was treated like a hardened criminal." Magistrates fined him £75. He will also have to pay £85 court costs and a £20 victim surcharge adding up to a total of £180. UPDATE: ‘Embarrassed’ pensioner caught shampooing genitals on bus says ‘I have learned my lesson’ Read more: http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-74-shampoos-genitals-on-Bedford-bus-after-having-issues-with-his-briefs-20130903121453.htm#ixzz2kHWmfoMG "Semi-erct"? I take it they mean he was neither sitting nor standing - otherwise he deserves a medal for being semi-erct at his age. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 The guy at the bottom is like a real life paedobear. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I love it when the papers give the address of the person in question, possibly in the hope an angry mob will drag them out into the street or whatever. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strichener Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I love it when the papers give the address of the person in question, possibly in the hope an angry mob will drag them out into the street or whatever. OT - Your signature is a little out of date. Surely it should be - Jim (Waiting on Equipment) Trainer, Ex Sevco Director of Communications. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I love it when the papers give the address of the person in question, possibly in the hope an angry mob will drag them out into the street or whatever. It's mainly to identify who they are so that someone with the same name doesn't complain you're calling him a thief/racist/thug/whatever - and I suppose also to stop them getting an angry mob trying to drag him into the street. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim McLean's Ghost Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 A brazen thief has been jailed for six months for stealing a mailbox from a street in Newarthill. Charles Hunter (35), of Allan Tower, Motherwell, admitted a charge of theft at Hamilton Sheriff Court last week. A Stihl saw was used to cut the box from its pedestal. It’s thought the plan was to sell it for scrap metal. A 44-year-old man said to have been Hunter’s accomplice had his not guilty plea accepted. The court heard a resident in Manse View called the police after witnessing the theft around 1am on October 15. He had seen sparks flying as the mailbox was cut from its base then watched as a man carried the container to a white transit van. Police officers saw a van matching that description nearby, stopped it and found the mailbox inside. Hunter, represented by solicitor Douglas Barr, admitted previous convictions. More from the court in this week’s Motherwell Times & Bellshill Speaker, out on Wednesday. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Local baker in Norwich tries to capitalise on the visit of West Ham on league business at the weekend, regrets it: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Darth Vader sex pest stalks the people of Inverness. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranaldo Bairn Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) I raise my glass to the finest sub-editor in Christendom for the following headline in the Courier... Perthshire scientist's premature ejaculation treatment can't come quickly enough By Paul Reoch, 24 September 2013 12.51pm. Updated: 4.20pm. Professor Mike Wylie. One of the inventors of Viagra, who originally hails from Perthshire, is set to launch a treatment for premature ejaculation. Professor Mike Wyllie who still has a family home in Luncarty, was one of a team of scientists who developed Viagra and is now keen to promote the spray-on medication, Tempe. Tempe has been judged safe and effective by the European Medicines Agency and is expected to be available by private prescription next year. Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects at least one in four men. In trials, the spray was claimed to be beneficial. Dr Wyllie, formerly of Pfizer and now of small British biotech firm Plethora Solutions, said: “Premature ejaculation doesn’t just make the patient feel bad, it does affect the partner and can completely destroy relationships. I feel this could save relationships.” The Tempe spray contains low doses of two anaesthetics and is claimed to only take around five minutes to work. A pocket-sized can is estimated to last a year and it is hoped Tempe’s preliminary approval for sale is rubber stamped by the European Commission in the next few weeks. Tempe will only be available on private prescription initially but it is hoped it will be judged cheap enough in the long-run to be prescribed to some men on the NHS. With sales of Viagra worth £1.3 billion a year, the new drug has the potential to be a blockbuster. Dr Wyllie, who attended Redgorton Primary School and Perth Academy, will not receive any royalties from the sales and only has a very small holding in Plethora Solutions. He added that he was motivated by scientific curiosity and that the launch will be a triumph for a small British company. John Dean, a past president of the International Society for Sexual Medicine, said: “Whilst premature ejaculation is not a life-threatening condition, its consequences can be serious. “This is a chronic, debilitating problem, affecting both men and their partners.” Edited November 11, 2013 by Ranaldo Bairn 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Darth Vader sex pest stalks the people of Inverness. A spokeswoman said officers spoke to a man who they agreed could have looked like Darth Vader from a distance as he was wearing a long dark coat and trousers. It was established he was just out for an evening walk. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Oh Deer. http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/scotland/oh-deer-granny-s-holiday-inspires-vulgar-christmas-jumpers-1.151741 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Its a hard knock life, in Tayside; http://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/news/local/housework-hell-diary-of-a-busy-muirhead-mum-1.152667 (Wid, mind. Fit that into your diary hell) What an utterly shite life her man has. Go to work all week, then spend your weekend visiting family you probably hate, followed by church?! Get out of there, Blair. There's safe places for blokes like you mate. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I was just thinking that. What an utterly shite life both of them have tbh. One of them will eventually snap and kill the rest of the family IMO. My money is definitely on him. Up at 8am every Saturday and Sunday? Church then spend the day with church folk? Yep, got murder/suicide written all over it. I do enjoy reading about how great people's lives are on Facebook/Twitter, when in reality they're probably utterly miserable. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Its a hard knock life, in Tayside; http://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/news/local/housework-hell-diary-of-a-busy-muirhead-mum-1.152667 (Wid, mind. Fit that into your diary hell) Could this diary be the most boring thing ever written, in the history of the universe? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie_B Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Wish I could sleep til 8am before the wee man got up like her. Got to love the Tully for printing that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munter Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Having been trawling the ugly club photos thread for weeks hoping for someone I know to pop up but with no joy and now this! This happy couple are friends of friends. By all accounts Blairs a sound bloke and their life isn't as dull as this article would make out... possibly. Great thread btw 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Its a hard knock life, in Tayside; http://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/news/local/housework-hell-diary-of-a-busy-muirhead-mum-1.152667 (Wid, mind. Fit that into your diary hell) When does she find time to build barns? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Heh. I've been collecting "slow news day" local stories for a while. Some of them are hilarious. Misplaced sign forces pregnant woman to walk on the road http://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/Misplaced-sign-forces-pregnant-woman-walk-road/story-18694543-detail/story.html#axzz2QNLYmEk8 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Probably my favourite.... Whitstable mum in custard shortagehttp://www.thisiskent.co.uk/Whitstable-mum-custard-shortage/story-12006899-detail/story.html#axzz2kYePR1oM 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jock001 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Heh. I've been collecting "slow news day" local stories for a while. Some of them are hilarious. Misplaced sign forces pregnant woman to walk on the road http://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/Misplaced-sign-forces-pregnant-woman-walk-road/story-18694543-detail/story.html#axzz2QNLYmEk8 Isn't she just fat? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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