gkneil Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 "Just Beat............the guy sitting next to you" Hands thrown at the Theatre http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-38955573 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acastus Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Exuse me but my device won't let me upload videos unless I do them twice times 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernLights Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 https://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/fp/news/local/council-apologises-planting-trees-middle-north-east-football-pitch/ 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blootoon87 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Once in a lifetime lads. I wouldn't do it if I was asked, your life can only go downhill after such a euphoric high. Might enter with- There once was a loon fae the toon, Picked up a drunk quine, but didna hae a room, The Travelodge was there, so they went up the stair, Had a ride and a lovely wee spoon. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 One from my own paper. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/dalbeattie-residents-ticked-over-time-9855046 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 13 minutes ago, Stu said: One from my own paper. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/dalbeattie-residents-ticked-over-time-9855046 Dalbeattie Clock Watchers Ticked Off. You shouldn't put the entire story in the headline imo. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 1 hour ago, Stu said: One from my own paper. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/dalbeattie-residents-ticked-over-time-9855046 When did Zen Archer start writing Record articles? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Another story from work, although this one is a load of shite: http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/biggest-loo-ser-man-caught-9878838 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 10 minutes ago, Stu said: Another story from work, although this one is a load of shite: http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/biggest-loo-ser-man-caught-9878838 Not sure why the gym thought that story would bring them good publicity. Bit mean too, if you've got to go, you've got to go sometimes, and there's few public toilets anymore. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 He's just mad about the door. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 On 2/21/2017 at 11:26, Blootoon87 said: Why settle for opening a hotel when you can name a LEISURE CENTRE??! Just make sure you come up with a good name... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 In P&B the movie, this is what you'd call a composite character. Shit-flinging, barney over a pen and paper, gas pipe misadventures, soya milk, drinking, inappropiate nudity, smearing shit on his balls to keep warm... http://www.dunfermlinepress.com/news/15122369.Naked_Dunfermline_protester_jailed_after_smearing_himself_with_excrement/?ref=mr&lp=2 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 6 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Aye but did he have Lorne or square sausage for his breakfast? He strikes me as a Lorne type. And definitely a roasted cheese type. Shame he bottled out of leaping from his window after going to the trouble of flinging his mattress out to use as a crash mat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 The Dunfermline Press sidebar stories make depressing reading. It could easily be the news from 1917. Drunk man beats wife. Drunk painter. Drunk man falls asleep in kebab shop and threatens to kill police for waking him up. Drunk teens burn down farm. Drunk teens vandalise park. Drunk teens batter other drunk teens. Drunk teens throw stuff at passers by. Ship crew make pancakes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 "At 3.15 I was tiptoeing about getting my breakfast of organic muesli and soya milk" deserves skelped imo. Firstly for creeping about in the middle of the night, secondly for try too hard healthy pish excuse for breakfast. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Spain (the country, not the P&B poster) appoints sex tsar to help boost the country's low birth rate. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/spain-appoints-sex-tsar-encourage-9928801 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 36 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: The Dunfermline Press sidebar stories make depressing reading. It could easily be the news from 1917. Drunk man beats wife. Drunk painter. Drunk man falls asleep in kebab shop and threatens to kill police for waking him up. Drunk teens burn down farm. Drunk teens vandalise park. Drunk teens batter other drunk teens. Drunk teens throw stuff at passers by. Ship crew make pancakes. Surprised they went for 'New children's play centre set to open near Dunfermline' rather than 'Paedo-magnet set to open beside Cowdenbeath' tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 3 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said: Surprised they went for 'New children's play centre set to open near Dunfermline' rather than 'Paedo-magnet set to open beside Cowdenbeath' tbh. The very few stories not about violent drunks are about old paedos. Except the one story about the 8 year old boy who is a keen dancer. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 23 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Why settle for opening a hotel when you can name a LEISURE CENTRE??! Just make sure you come up with a good name... If that was the winning entry, what the hell were the others? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 3 hours ago, GordonD said: If that was the winning entry, what the hell were the others? Leisurecentrey McLeisurecentreface. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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