Depression

[RH33]

I’m usualky very careful with alcohol. Don’t get me wrong I’ll have a few on ocassion.

Few weeks ago I drank more than usual and with other meds I was taking  temporarily and my judgement and rational thinking exited the building and I did something if never ever dream of when well.

If you know your condition, limits and are sensible alcohol isn’t a total no no.

[throbber]

Welshbairn didn’t tell all depression sufferers that they should get pissed to help them through it, it was just one poster who was having problems keeping his friends from finding him boring.

I think it’s 6 weeks I’ve gone off the drink now and that’s the longest I have gone without a drop since I was about 16. If i turn to drink when in an unhappy place I get into a cycle of it being the only thing that i want to do, and will go through the phases of being hungover in the morning and then slowly getting over it through the day before I eventually decide to have another drink to escape it all for a few hours and repeat again and again. I have never felt that awful because of it, but it has felt at times that life isn’t real and that there is no other lifestyle that doesn’t involve alcohol in abundance.

When I’m in a good place like where I have been since starting my new job I find the only adverse affect it has is on my waist line and I don’t struggle to go time without it but I would always like to have my beer and wine at the weekends.

All in moderation but there are definitely some people who it just doesn’t agree with.

[Unleash The Nade]

5 hours ago, throbber said:

Welshbairn didn’t tell all depression sufferers that they should get pissed to help them through it, it was just one poster who was having problems keeping his friends from finding him boring.

I think it’s 6 weeks I’ve gone off the drink now and that’s the longest I have gone without a drop since I was about 16. If i turn to drink when in an unhappy place I get into a cycle of it being the only thing that i want to do, and will go through the phases of being hungover in the morning and then slowly getting over it through the day before I eventually decide to have another drink to escape it all for a few hours and repeat again and again. I have never felt that awful because of it, but it has felt at times that life isn’t real and that there is no other lifestyle that doesn’t involve alcohol in abundance.

When I’m in a good place like where I have been since starting my new job I find the only adverse affect it has is on my waist line and I don’t struggle to go time without it but I would always like to have my beer and wine at the weekends.

All in moderation but there are definitely some people who it just doesn’t agree with.

Pretty honest and open post tbf

I almost forgive you for wishing me dead now

[throbber]

Pretty honest and open post tbf
I almost forgive you for wishing me dead now [emoji4]

That was the drink talking!

[Unleash The Nade]

41 minutes ago, throbber said:

 

That was the drink talking!

 

Glad it only affects your waistline now then fatty

[Iminavest]

6 hours ago, throbber said:

Welshbairn didn’t tell all depression sufferers that they should get pissed to help them through it, it was just one poster who was having problems keeping his friends from finding him boring.
 

It's not a case of coming across as boring, I just don't really feel like I care about anything or anyone enough to take a proper interest.

[welshbairn]

1 hour ago, Iminavest said:

It's not a case of coming across as boring, I just don't really feel like I care about anything or anyone enough to take a proper interest.

That's why we follow football, to have something to talk about.

[YHallSaint]

I think im an alcoholic

[Jamaldo]

I think im an alcoholic

How often are you drinking? And how much?

[DA Baracus]

3 hours ago, YHallSaint said:

I think im an alcoholic

 

35 minutes ago, Jamaldo said:

 

How often are you drinking? And how much?

 

And more importantly why? Can you identify when it started?

[Raidernation]

I am an alcoholic but have not had a drink in over 2 years. I was not a jakey, bottle in a Brown paper bag, drinking in the park, waking up needing a drink “alkie” but alcoholic none the less.

PM me if you would like, I’m not an AA born again saint

 

[Guest]

Hi guys was aware of this thread's existence but never posted probably because I never felt my problems important enough and am happier lurking in the TV forum. Anyway, I've never been a confident individual and have had middling mental health at best and have a history of depression. A very close friend of mine died very suddenly at the start of the year and while you try staying strong for family who are obviously going through far worse than me it just got too much and the old feelings of worthlessness, anxiety and guilt came back.

I get that this is more anxiety and why would you post it on a football forum to be read by people you don't know? I suppose having a degree of anonymity makes it easier.

Have seen a doctor and do have family round me but flitting between feeling nothing/feeling everything and feeling completely isolated even though your surrounded by people is hellish.

[paranoid android]

8 hours ago, RosspCfc said:

Hi guys was aware of this thread's existence but never posted probably because I never felt my problems important enough and am happier lurking in the TV forum. Anyway, I've never been a confident individual and have had middling mental health at best and have a history of depression. A very close friend of mine died very suddenly at the start of the year and while you try staying strong for family who are obviously going through far worse than me it just got too much and the old feelings of worthlessness, anxiety and guilt came back.

I get that this is more anxiety and why would you post it on a football forum to be read by people you don't know? I suppose having a degree of anonymity makes it easier.

Have seen a doctor and do have family round me but flitting between feeling nothing/feeling everything and feeling completely isolated even though your surrounded by people is hellish.
 

Good that you've been to see the doc, mate - strong family helps too - hope things improve for you, bud. 

[DA Baracus]

The past couple of Saturday nights have been very poor for me, and I was really struggling.

 

Last weekend I had a strange compulsion to drink, so ended up buying a load of beer. Knew this was a mistake as I try to not drink alone, and hadn’t done so in quite a while. Sat by myself and got drunk, and ended up in feeling awful, most of it self-loathing and despair. Did a very silly thing to myself. Felt dreadful on the Sunday as well. Felt better throughout the week though.

 

However this weekend I got the same compulsion. Ended up doing the same, buying a load of beer and sitting getting drunk alone in my living room. Starting feeling terrible, with thoughts of lonliness, despair and hate towards me for my failures and lack of mental strength. Thought about doing the same thing to myself that I did the week before, but only did it to a very small degree that I had done before, despite playing this song very loudly through headphones. Instead I decided to take a load of ibuprofen, aspirin and cold tablets, the thinking being that it would stave off the hangover and make me feel less worse the day after.

 

Ended up feeling quite ill, and at about 3am was sitting on the shitter when I spewed in to the bath, quite violently, bringing up a LOT (the bath is right next to the shitter in my small bathroom, so it was just a case of tilting over slightly whilst on the pan). It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve seen.

 

After cleaning up I went to bed. Felt not too bad yesterday, most likely down to spewing everything up, though still felt a bit dodgy and only ate twice.

 

Feeling much better today, but still knackered.

[Shandon Par]

1 hour ago, DA Baracus said:

The past couple of Saturday nights have been very poor for me, and I was really struggling.

 

Last weekend I had a strange compulsion to drink, so ended up buying a load of beer. Knew this was a mistake as I try to not drink alone, and hadn’t done so in quite a while. Sat by myself and got drunk, and ended up in feeling awful, most of it self-loathing and despair. Did a very silly thing to myself. Felt dreadful on the Sunday as well. Felt better throughout the week though.

 

However this weekend I got the same compulsion. Ended up doing the same, buying a load of beer and sitting getting drunk alone in my living room. Starting feeling terrible, with thoughts of lonliness, despair and hate towards me for my failures and lack of mental strength. Thought about doing the same thing to myself that I did the week before, but only did it to a very small degree that I had done before, despite playing this song very loudly through headphones. Instead I decided to take a load of ibuprofen, aspirin and cold tablets, the thinking being that it would stave off the hangover and make me feel less worse the day after.

 

Ended up feeling quite ill, and at about 3am was sitting on the shitter when I spewed in to the bath, quite violently, bringing up a LOT (the bath is right next to the shitter in my small bathroom, so it was just a case of tilting over slightly whilst on the pan). It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve seen.

 

After cleaning up I went to bed. Felt not too bad yesterday, most likely down to spewing everything up, though still felt a bit dodgy and only ate twice.

 

Feeling much better today, but still knackered.

Hope you feel better for at least getting that all down on the page. It's tough reading to see you being so hard on yourself. Talking about failures and lack of mental strength is maybe a sign to broaden your horizons on what constitutes success. We can get railroaded into very narrow perceptions of success. Money. A fancy job. Many on here enjoy your postings and the way you give injustice both barrels but you beating yourself up over your perceived failings shows even you are not immune to being indoctrinated by our materialistic (and I included trophy wives in this) culture. 

There's other posters on here who clearly know you and have had a laugh with you and enjoy your company. You've posted stuff that's part of the folklore of P&B - you're a character. These are achievements too - you've enriched the lives of others. I certainly see you as a P&B justice warrior (maybe with one or two left field ideas) who is a valuable member of society and look forward to your continued warped musings. 

 

[NJ2]

The past couple of Saturday nights have been very poor for me, and I was really struggling.
 
Last weekend I had a strange compulsion to drink, so ended up buying a load of beer. Knew this was a mistake as I try to not drink alone, and hadn’t done so in quite a while. Sat by myself and got drunk, and ended up in feeling awful, most of it self-loathing and despair. Did a very silly thing to myself. Felt dreadful on the Sunday as well. Felt better throughout the week though.
 
However this weekend I got the same compulsion. Ended up doing the same, buying a load of beer and sitting getting drunk alone in my living room. Starting feeling terrible, with thoughts of lonliness, despair and hate towards me for my failures and lack of mental strength. Thought about doing the same thing to myself that I did the week before, but only did it to a very small degree that I had done before, despite playing

very loudly through headphones. Instead I decided to take a load of ibuprofen, aspirin and cold tablets, the thinking being that it would stave off the hangover and make me feel less worse the day after.
 
Ended up feeling quite ill, and at about 3am was sitting on the shitter when I spewed in to the bath, quite violently, bringing up a LOT (the bath is right next to the shitter in my small bathroom, so it was just a case of tilting over slightly whilst on the pan). It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve seen.
 
After cleaning up I went to bed. Felt not too bad yesterday, most likely down to spewing everything up, though still felt a bit dodgy and only ate twice.
 
Feeling much better today, but still knackered.

Glad you’re feeling better today. You talk about mental weakness (or lack of mental strength) but can write down and post all the above - countless times I’ve written stuff down but never posted. I think you’re stronger than you realise.

[Dons_1988]

I’m going through a tough period just now.

My work is extremely demanding and when I’m not feeling good I really struggle to concentrate and keep up with it all. The more I fall behind the more I worry and the worse my mental health gets.

I’m trying hard not to self medicate but all I seem to want in the evenings is a country me of beers to chill me out.

I feel like my career, and my life, has just stalled and I’m going nowhere.

Not sure if there is a point to my post I just wanted to get it out.

[Bairnardo]

DA Baracus.... Basically what Shandon and NJ2 said. I've told you before I gauge folk on whether I would sit and have a pint with them and that I would be more than happy to have a pint with you. Your craic is good, your a bit quirky but that is to be embraced.

I am partly speaking from personal experience here but not in the same boat sontell me to bolt if I am way off the mark, but that last Saturday, is there any way that you had already decided in your head how that was going to play out and did it anyway? I do that sometimes. Like il fixate on a upcoming night out and decide I am going to get ripped beyond all comprehension, and despite knowing better, I will drink till I cant speak anymore. I have never known why. Seems tl be an occassional compulsion I get.

I know there is no easy amswer and no "chin up" to be had here. But based on postings here only, you are a good sort and thats the foundation you need to be building on because that is who you are at the core, not whatever you convince yourself you are when you feel like this.

[welshbairn]

34 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

I’m going through a tough period just now.

My work is extremely demanding and when I’m not feeling good I really struggle to concentrate and keep up with it all. The more I fall behind the more I worry and the worse my mental health gets.

I’m trying hard not to self medicate but all I seem to want in the evenings is a country me of beers to chill me out.

I feel like my career, and my life, has just stalled and I’m going nowhere.

Not sure if there is a point to my post I just wanted to get it out.

Maybe think about a different job? Unless you think it's temporary thing and usually cope with it ok, even enjoying it occasionally.

[Stellaboz]

Glad you’re feeling better today. You talk about mental weakness (or lack of mental strength) but can write down and post all the above - countless times I’ve written stuff down but never posted. I think you’re stronger than you realise.

This. This so much, one of the hardest things to do is to open up and although I wished you could have done so before (therefore perhaps preventing this episode) you did now and i have massive respect for that.
Ive run over a lot how to begin this post, perhaps a joke or an aggressively written statement meant in a light hearted way but I don't think it'll help.
There's definitely something in Bairnardo's theory of pre accepting what might happen. The hardest thing is to find a way of stopping it happening. For me, it was sheer will power when things were utter shit and as you know, still struggle at times even though my situation is good. I was on meds once. Came off them because either I didn't regularly take them or they did nothing for me. But everone is different and each struggle is unique.
The impulse to drink is more common than people think in my view. I don't get it so much anymore, it's embarrassingly been replaced by sugar cravings but it was dangerous and not something that there is a lot of help for out there. For me the fear of 2 or 3 days feeling below average scares me enough.

Even if these impulses happen, go along with it but buy say 4 beers instead of lots. Something really good and enjoy some old highlights like you sent me, or stick on a good long film, and try to change your mind's response to this impulse. Cut down before eliminating it, it takes time.
Also remember that relapses of such a thing will happen too. It's all part of overcoming something.
The hardest thing in the world is to change habits, but it can be done. It just takes time and no pills can help, nobody else can take the strain of it, but others can guide and help. You know me better than anyone I dare say except my lass in some regards and you know the changes I've made in my life.
Which brings me on to this, I know loneliness is one of the main problems. Im sorry I complained about having little personal space recently, seems really pathetic now but you know, it helped. So fucking talk before you reach for the beer OK? Anyway, loneliness and in particular, women or specifically attracting one. Don't take this the wrong way but you need to implement other changes before this happens.
1: forget them right now. Don't go to pubs alone approaching then. Just don't. They don't like this, speak to my lass about it.
2: focus on becoming healthier, make small changes perhaps to your diet and really push yourself to try some sports. Doesn't matter of you're shit, it's about good routine and you will also meet people. You have the time.
3: write some goals down. Write them fucking down. Now. Make goals each week so you can tick them off. Do it. Make them small, thinking about some bigger ones you may have long term. Write them down too. Fucking do it!
4: if you don't finish them all in a week, so what? But it's a good habit. Get into good habits and good things will start to happen. You've already improved your debt situation so much.
5: let relapses happen in smaller scales if you have to. It's fine. So stop beating yourself up over everything, please. Everyone fails. Everyone. You know what is a good habit? Trying again. Fucking trying again until whatever it is improved even just a bit. I'd insert a Family Guy clip I have in mind if I could find it.


You're my Bro. Truly. I know we don't normally talk aloud about all this shit but perhaps we should have done, still can do. I don't like talking about all this shit in public but if it helps so be it, and if it inspires someone else even a tiny bit, it'll be worth it...
You know that letter you left me when i left for Germany? I read that every so often. It makes me laugh and it inspires me to keep trying even when things are tough because they can be some days. It also helps me remember what I'm trying to accomplish in my life. YOU are helping me do that even now. YOU have helped me, as well as other amazing people, get me here today.
If you're able to turn all that positive energy (yeah, wanky term but f**k it) onto yourself, you've got the potential to go so fucking far.
Here's one mad wee random thought that might be worth considering. Have you looked into volunteering at a dog home or animal shelter? I know you love dogs, look into it. Even one evening or one weekend day a month. If that sounds like something fun, then nothing can stop you. Who knows where it could take you.
Anyway enough rambling from me, I love you and I'll batter you if you do something so stupid again. I'll make myself more available to talk to and if you want advice, or guidance on anything at all, ask me.