Depression

[whiskychimp]

1 hour ago, mizfit said:

I don't even know if this belongs here or not.

I feel trapped at home, as in I'm not going to be able to move out, because I can't afford too.
My younger sister just put down a deposit on a rented property with her boyfriend and they're moving out at the end of the month. Seeing her do this has made me feel utter shit. I had plans for a mortgage, but an advisor when I went in for a discussion pretty much rejected me stating I'm 5 years to late for one. My friends have all moved out and are enjoying independence from parents.

I had a plan for this year and I've fucked it, I lost 3 stone in weight, dropping to 19 Stone, but I've put a stone back on after missing out on a job in the prison service. I've managed to get a new job thankfully and that's helping me out. I could move in with my girlfriend, but she's renting and I don't want to rent, factor in her place being small, it's fine for her and me more than likely, but I don't feel ready to move in with someone else yet.

I guess this is a bit long winded, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest anyway.

Losing three stone and putting on one is a net loss of 2 stone. Congrats. Well done.

Can you repeat the same process from 19 stone?  Course you can. Go for it. Lose three and put on one. 17 stone is the next goal

[1320Lichtie]

Apparently if I'd applied 5 years ago before having a car on finance etc. They'd have accepted my application.

What a lot of shite that sounds like. Keep trying and go to somebody else then. I've got a car on finance too and never had any bother at all, get a half decent deposit saved and you should be ok.

I used first mortgage for free for advice before using an independent financial advisor I was recommended by my friends wife who is a solicitor. He got me a whole host of mortgage offers.

Don't give up based on that mate.

[Shotgun]

Losing three stone and putting on one is a net loss of 2 stone. Congrats. Well done.

This. Instead of focusing on the step back, think about what you achieved.

You lost 3 stone. Not only is that an immense accomplishment, it shows you can lose the 1 you put back on.

Go for it.

[NorthernJambo]

I don't even know if this belongs here or not.

I feel trapped at home, as in I'm not going to be able to move out, because I can't afford too.
My younger sister just put down a deposit on a rented property with her boyfriend and they're moving out at the end of the month. Seeing her do this has made me feel utter shit. I had plans for a mortgage, but an advisor when I went in for a discussion pretty much rejected me stating I'm 5 years to late for one. My friends have all moved out and are enjoying independence from parents.

I had a plan for this year and I've fucked it, I lost 3 stone in weight, dropping to 19 Stone, but I've put a stone back on after missing out on a job in the prison service. I've managed to get a new job thankfully and that's helping me out. I could move in with my girlfriend, but she's renting and I don't want to rent, factor in her place being small, it's fine for her and me more than likely, but I don't feel ready to move in with someone else yet.

I guess this is a bit long winded, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest anyway.

Well done shifting some weight and well done on the new job! Aye, you put some weight back on and didn’t get another job, but you lost more and do have a new job! Terrific stuff mate!
What about you and your bird renting somewhere else together? Obviously once her lease ends etc. but you could get a place new to both and make it your home together for the time being. While doing that, save up and get deposit together. I obviously don’t know circumstances but consider it, have a look at the numbers and see where you go.
Renting, I think, is shite (I’ve been doing it about 10 year now) but I prefer that to living to at home.

[Brother Blades]

I don't even know if this belongs here or not.

I feel trapped at home, as in I'm not going to be able to move out, because I can't afford too.
My younger sister just put down a deposit on a rented property with her boyfriend and they're moving out at the end of the month. Seeing her do this has made me feel utter shit. I had plans for a mortgage, but an advisor when I went in for a discussion pretty much rejected me stating I'm 5 years to late for one. My friends have all moved out and are enjoying independence from parents.

I had a plan for this year and I've fucked it, I lost 3 stone in weight, dropping to 19 Stone, but I've put a stone back on after missing out on a job in the prison service. I've managed to get a new job thankfully and that's helping me out. I could move in with my girlfriend, but she's renting and I don't want to rent, factor in her place being small, it's fine for her and me more than likely, but I don't feel ready to move in with someone else yet.

I guess this is a bit long winded, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest anyway.

Mizfit, seems to me that you have turned a corner, a lot of mental illness is shown through being particularly insular, i.e. Being happy staying in your room at your parents house, comfort eating as you feel no confidence in being able to lose weight.
Look to the positives.
You've managed to lose 3 stone, if you've done it once, you can do it again.
Your sister moving in with her boyfriend is a good thing, assuming you get on ok with them both, it's an extra place for you to spend time away from your parents.
Also, as already mentioned perhaps you could look at a new rental with your girlfriend? Would ease the burden on her & hopefully you could get yourselves into the situation where you could jointly save more?
Good luck, and well done on the 3st loss, I could do with hitting those heights!

[KillieCon]

17 hours ago, mizfit said:

I don't even know if this belongs here or not.

I feel trapped at home, as in I'm not going to be able to move out, because I can't afford too.
My younger sister just put down a deposit on a rented property with her boyfriend and they're moving out at the end of the month. Seeing her do this has made me feel utter shit. I had plans for a mortgage, but an advisor when I went in for a discussion pretty much rejected me stating I'm 5 years to late for one. My friends have all moved out and are enjoying independence from parents.

I had a plan for this year and I've fucked it, I lost 3 stone in weight, dropping to 19 Stone, but I've put a stone back on after missing out on a job in the prison service. I've managed to get a new job thankfully and that's helping me out. I could move in with my girlfriend, but she's renting and I don't want to rent, factor in her place being small, it's fine for her and me more than likely, but I don't feel ready to move in with someone else yet.

I guess this is a bit long winded, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest anyway.

As others have said, losing 3 stone in less than a year is a fantastic achievement, not many people could do that.

With regards to the mortgage, go and see someone else. There's nothing to stop you getting one if you have other finance outstanding, as long as you can afford the monthly payments.

I know it is easier said than done but try not to compare your situation to your sister, your mates or anyone else. Focus on yourself.

[grazza]

I'm not really sure if I would categorise what I have as depression or anxiety. I just feel very comfortable staying at home so many good tv shows to watch these I just really can't be arsed with people. Quite happy with me and the fiance. 

I had finally got into a permanent role in my line of work in Edinburgh early in the year at the same time as applying for that role I had applied for another role in Dundee which I took as fiance's mum was up there and well bereavement and drinking problem  we thought we could move up and stay with her at least a while till she improves and at same time have chance to save up for mortgage. However well she just went crazy when we were there. The role I took in Dundee was a bit too outgoing  and I just didn't have the personality for it though stuff going on when I got to house after work each day probably just really hit my confidence and anxiety so quit that job. I was lucky in that the same day I had my exit meeting with that job I applied and got a new job and started the next week. Again was a permanent role but a bit more just admin based and not so outgoing. Things at house continued to get worse so we had to very quickly find somewhere not too far away to rent and get out stuff over bit by bit over couple weeks. Perhaps all this stress and moving really effected my concentration at work in learning new things but the department I'm in is a mess hardly any experienced staff and about 4 of us doing work of 8 people and I never really got any proper training and difficult for people to find time to go over stuff so feel like have to ask quick questions etc but yeah its just messy and not good for customers. 

I had a good couple of weeks holiday away in truth due maybe 6 months ago. So halfway through sent e-mail to say I was resigning. Though if I just say I have had stressful situation at home before I even started job and just found it hard to concentrate then well not slagging off any management or department and I stayed late many nights could hopefully get good reference. Had reply from HR manager that they had only had positive feedback on how I had done in the role. I had stupidly mistook notice period for a week as well was on holiday so just had quick glance of e-mails when I joined think thats notice they can give me in my first 6 months so just thought it was maybe mutual. Well notice period is a month. So back now and spoken to HR manager and been honest that as much as it was stress it was more so mess of department and lack of training and tutoring for my role.  They agreed with how the department has been and how it hasn't really been fair for me and other new starts and they are looking to improve things but wouldn't happen over night which I appreciated their honesty. 

I'm 30 and well I am probably slightly naive in that I want job I enjoy even if money ain't great if enough to pay bills then would like to do that for a while but would also even take something pretty basic just to try and de-stress for a while. On the other hand not sure how that will effect the cv and longer term chances of mortgages etc which really I don't really care that much about at this moment but down the line maybe I will. So maybe I should go for another admin role and start fresh somewhere. Have spoken bit with agency who seemed keen to register me.  I probably know I need to get out my current role I have given the month notice so less than 3 weeks left, they will probably say some nice stuff about how things will improve there and it probably will longer term but I just feel unprofessional working in the state the department is currently. Once out though I  need to get into work fairly quickly. I can get by for 2 months without, I am confident I can get something quickly but you can never be sure but will be so hard to look for job later on if need to give full month notice. Can just say this role was maternity cover if asked. 

I have spent so many years doing couple degrees and well graduating in toughest economic times, working in very basic jobs to get by then onto temp roles and got permanent role and done the selfless thing for fiance and her family and she feels crap about it as can see strain it has taken on me. That said l feel very comfortable in flat we are renting good bit more room, decent area and cheaper than Edinburgh. I don't really have big ambitions to move somewhere bigger, have no interest in driving or having family etc. Would like to maybe move to Malta or somewhere like that one day and live fairly basic life.  Really though happy to come home to the Mrs and watch something. Really can't been arsed with social occasions though and less likely to go to cinema or football etc but just king of feel out of place in rare family gatherings while surrounded by people I like and care about I struggle to come up with much to say and stuff just kind of passes by.  I just don't feel like I can concentrate and focus on much these days my mind just wanders I look back at how I got through Uni nearly a decade ago and again a couple years later and wonder how I done it all but also what did I really learn and practically take from it.  Always thought it was just not using my brain for so many years but just feels like something else but struggle to really hold a conversation or be articulate except around the mrs. Need to stop 2nd guessing myself so much I guess. Probably trivial compared to lost of stuff on here but good to type out. Cheers.

[NorthernJambo]

Sorry Grazza, not sure I have much advice to give. Sounds quite a stressful time with MIL not being too well and quite a few job changes. Hopefully the new digs is the start of things settling down, can either stick at the job or find one you want to stick at. Once things settle down at that end, I’d be looking at seeing if the social side improves - if you want it to. If you and your fiancé are happy just going out together then I don’t see the issue. I don’t know her thoughts on this though, maybe socialising with family and friends are more important to her and you’d need to understand that.
Sorry I’m not much help!

[Dindeleux]

Hi All,

I stumbled across this video earlier today, I think it’s quite well known in the mental health world but I thought I should share it as it may help someone on here

[Kneetrembler]

@grazza there is nothing wrong with liking your own company and just staying in with your partner. I have been married 25 years and I am not social at all. I like going to the football with my wife. Going to away games on a supporters bus with dafties is my only social life apart from my wife. I wouldn't change it, but I think sometimes she would like to go out more so I am trying to do that.

I would advise setting aside a bit of time and talking over with your partner where you want to be and what you would like to be doing in 5 years time. Both professionally and in your family life. You could then work together on a loose plan to achieve your aims. Even if you don't get everything you want, its great for your relationship to communicate  in this manner and it does give a bit if structure and direction.

Life will usually throw spanners into all plans but when you are forced off course, with a plan you know where you were meant to be going. Using rough 5 year plans has worked for us anyway.

Good luck.

 

 

[philpy]

My parents have recently moved house, and my dad is running himself into the ground trying to do too much, and won't listen to anyone. I keep waking up during the night and staring at the phone expecting it to ring and my mum to say he's either seriously hurt himself or passed away. It's eating away at me during the day at work, and I can't seem to switch off from it.

[smpar]

On 12/10/2017 at 20:35, mizfit said:

I don't even know if this belongs here or not.

I feel trapped at home, as in I'm not going to be able to move out, because I can't afford too.
My younger sister just put down a deposit on a rented property with her boyfriend and they're moving out at the end of the month. Seeing her do this has made me feel utter shit. I had plans for a mortgage, but an advisor when I went in for a discussion pretty much rejected me stating I'm 5 years to late for one. My friends have all moved out and are enjoying independence from parents.

I had a plan for this year and I've fucked it, I lost 3 stone in weight, dropping to 19 Stone, but I've put a stone back on after missing out on a job in the prison service. I've managed to get a new job thankfully and that's helping me out. I could move in with my girlfriend, but she's renting and I don't want to rent, factor in her place being small, it's fine for her and me more than likely, but I don't feel ready to move in with someone else yet.

I guess this is a bit long winded, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest anyway.

It's normally easier said than done but try as hard as you can to not compare your own situation to other people's in terms of 'life progress' and shit like that. In terms of your career, house/flat, car etc, you'll probably make better progress and feel better about it in general if you set small targets and goals for yourself. Keep them realistic and manageable, whether it's putting away a wee bit each month for a deposit or focusing on the positive things in your life. Also, don't give up with the deposit thing or the weight loss, 1320Lichtie advises that you keep looking around so I'd go with that, the first bank/mortgage adviser might be talking pish. 

Also, as others have said, that weight loss is a fantastic achievement, putting on a stone after losing three is brilliant, keep it up!

 

 

[DA Baracus]

44 minutes ago, philpy said:

My parents have recently moved house, and my dad is running himself into the ground trying to do too much, and won't listen to anyone. I keep waking up during the night and staring at the phone expecting it to ring and my mum to say he's either seriously hurt himself or passed away. It's eating away at me during the day at work, and I can't seem to switch off from it.

What sort of stuff is he doing? Are you able to go round and help him with things? Might give you peace of mind since you're there and can keep an eye on him.

[philpy]

I'm in East Lothian and they are in Thornton, just outside Kirkcaldy

[DA Baracus]

Not the furthest away. Train to Waveryl then train Kirkcaldy then to Glenrothes with Thornton?

[Richey Edwards]

I know that my problems are trivial compared to what a lot of people go through, but f**k it I feel shit so I'm going to vent and hopefully feel better by the end of it.

I have been signed off work since the end of July due to significant deterioration in my mental health. I do not currently feel able to return to work, but I do plan on returning when I am better and my manager has been very supportive so the work situation is not an issue.

In the past I have been signed off for periods of poor mental health and have returned to work when the "depression" improved. However, I had never acknowledged or dealt with the actual cause. Something traumatic happened to me in my early teens and for years I went through cycles of denial and self-blame, and I never told anyone about it because I did not want people to judge me or think that I was lying.

I disclosed this to my GP and my manager and it was arranged for me to attend counselling, which I am finding helpful. I feel that a weight has been lifted after disclosing what happened to me and I don't feel the shame and self-loathing anymore.

As pathetic and ridiculous as it sounds, I often feel as if I have wasted my life and blown all the good opportunities that have come my way. I have no savings, no degree, I live with my parents, all of my relationships have ended because my mental health has usually deteriorated during all of them. I had a reasonably well-paid job back in 2012 but had some sort of mental breakdown and ended up packing it in. I have often been told that I am intelligent and have/had massive potential, but I have never done anything particularly spectacular. In my early 20's I was ambitious and had big ideas but through disappointments and mental ill-health these were all squeezed out of me.

But I am 27 years old. I am still relatively young and can still go to university, take a different career path, have a house, learn to drive, travel and do all the things I wanted to do in my early 20's. Because why shouldn't I?  Why wouldn't I be able to do these things? The only thing stopping me is myself.

I used to smoke 20 a day and was pretty much obese but have stopped smoking and lost a lot of weight, which was something I wanted to do for a number of years. If I apply the same dedication to other areas of my life then I can have a good life.

Yeah, I feel better now. Sorry about the monologue, but if you can't have a mental health monologue in a depression thread then where can you have one? 

[Scary Bear]

I know that my problems are trivial compared to what a lot of people go through, but f**k it I feel shit so I'm going to vent and hopefully feel better by the end of it.
I have been signed off work since the end of July due to significant deterioration in my mental health. I do not currently feel able to return to work, but I do plan on returning when I am better and my manager has been very supportive so the work situation is not an issue.
In the past I have been signed off for periods of poor mental health and have returned to work when the "depression" improved. However, I had never acknowledged or dealt with the actual cause. Something traumatic happened to me in my early teens and for years I went through cycles of denial and self-blame, and I never told anyone about it because I did not want people to judge me or think that I was lying.
I disclosed this to my GP and my manager and it was arranged for me to attend counselling, which I am finding helpful. I feel that a weight has been lifted after disclosing what happened to me and I don't feel the shame and self-loathing anymore.
As pathetic and ridiculous as it sounds, I often feel as if I have wasted my life and blown all the good opportunities that have come my way. I have no savings, no degree, I live with my parents, all of my relationships have ended because my mental health has usually deteriorated during all of them. I had a reasonably well-paid job back in 2012 but had some sort of mental breakdown and ended up packing it in. I have often been told that I am intelligent and have/had massive potential, but I have never done anything particularly spectacular. In my early 20's I was ambitious and had big ideas but through disappointments and mental ill-health these were all squeezed out of me.
But I am 27 years old. I am still relatively young and can still go to university, take a different career path, have a house, learn to drive, travel and do all the things I wanted to do in my early 20's. Because why shouldn't I?  Why wouldn't I be able to do these things? The only thing stopping me is myself.
I used to smoke 20 a day and was pretty much obese but have stopped smoking and lost a lot of weight, which was something I wanted to do for a number of years. If I apply the same dedication to other areas of my life then I can have a good life.
Yeah, I feel better now. Sorry about the monologue, but if you can't have a mental health monologue in a depression thread then where can you have one? 

Could be worse. You could support Raith Rovers.

As you say, you can do these things at any time in life. In my twenties I beat myself up about not achieving things by a certain age. No need.

[NJ2]

I know that my problems are trivial compared to what a lot of people go through, but f**k it I feel shit so I'm going to vent and hopefully feel better by the end of it.
I have been signed off work since the end of July due to significant deterioration in my mental health. I do not currently feel able to return to work, but I do plan on returning when I am better and my manager has been very supportive so the work situation is not an issue.
In the past I have been signed off for periods of poor mental health and have returned to work when the "depression" improved. However, I had never acknowledged or dealt with the actual cause. Something traumatic happened to me in my early teens and for years I went through cycles of denial and self-blame, and I never told anyone about it because I did not want people to judge me or think that I was lying.
I disclosed this to my GP and my manager and it was arranged for me to attend counselling, which I am finding helpful. I feel that a weight has been lifted after disclosing what happened to me and I don't feel the shame and self-loathing anymore.
As pathetic and ridiculous as it sounds, I often feel as if I have wasted my life and blown all the good opportunities that have come my way. I have no savings, no degree, I live with my parents, all of my relationships have ended because my mental health has usually deteriorated during all of them. I had a reasonably well-paid job back in 2012 but had some sort of mental breakdown and ended up packing it in. I have often been told that I am intelligent and have/had massive potential, but I have never done anything particularly spectacular. In my early 20's I was ambitious and had big ideas but through disappointments and mental ill-health these were all squeezed out of me.
But I am 27 years old. I am still relatively young and can still go to university, take a different career path, have a house, learn to drive, travel and do all the things I wanted to do in my early 20's. Because why shouldn't I?  Why wouldn't I be able to do these things? The only thing stopping me is myself.
I used to smoke 20 a day and was pretty much obese but have stopped smoking and lost a lot of weight, which was something I wanted to do for a number of years. If I apply the same dedication to other areas of my life then I can have a good life.
Yeah, I feel better now. Sorry about the monologue, but if you can't have a mental health monologue in a depression thread then where can you have one? 

I’m no expert by any stretch but I think I know how you feel. I’m definitely my own worst enemy and beat myself up (mentally) a lot. The way I try and cope is telling myself to stop worrying about things I don’t have or haven’t done. I’m not religious but I reckon if something should happen, chances are it will. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t.

[Jamaldo]

I know that my problems are trivial compared to what a lot of people go through, but f**k it I feel shit so I'm going to vent and hopefully feel better by the end of it.
I have been signed off work since the end of July due to significant deterioration in my mental health. I do not currently feel able to return to work, but I do plan on returning when I am better and my manager has been very supportive so the work situation is not an issue.
In the past I have been signed off for periods of poor mental health and have returned to work when the "depression" improved. However, I had never acknowledged or dealt with the actual cause. Something traumatic happened to me in my early teens and for years I went through cycles of denial and self-blame, and I never told anyone about it because I did not want people to judge me or think that I was lying.
I disclosed this to my GP and my manager and it was arranged for me to attend counselling, which I am finding helpful. I feel that a weight has been lifted after disclosing what happened to me and I don't feel the shame and self-loathing anymore.
As pathetic and ridiculous as it sounds, I often feel as if I have wasted my life and blown all the good opportunities that have come my way. I have no savings, no degree, I live with my parents, all of my relationships have ended because my mental health has usually deteriorated during all of them. I had a reasonably well-paid job back in 2012 but had some sort of mental breakdown and ended up packing it in. I have often been told that I am intelligent and have/had massive potential, but I have never done anything particularly spectacular. In my early 20's I was ambitious and had big ideas but through disappointments and mental ill-health these were all squeezed out of me.
But I am 27 years old. I am still relatively young and can still go to university, take a different career path, have a house, learn to drive, travel and do all the things I wanted to do in my early 20's. Because why shouldn't I?  Why wouldn't I be able to do these things? The only thing stopping me is myself.
I used to smoke 20 a day and was pretty much obese but have stopped smoking and lost a lot of weight, which was something I wanted to do for a number of years. If I apply the same dedication to other areas of my life then I can have a good life.
Yeah, I feel better now. Sorry about the monologue, but if you can't have a mental health monologue in a depression thread then where can you have one? [emoji38]

Your problems aren't trivial at all. If you need to vent you need to vent.

I go through the same sort of "wasted my life" feelings as yourself. I feel trapped in my shitty job which is only made tolerable by my colleagues who are mostly a good laugh. I have incredibly dark thoughts on a daily basis which I would never act on. I also sometimes compare my life to others and feel bad (or good) as well.

I'm waiting for counselling but it might take a long time to get a session. I'm not feeling too bad at the moment though so it can wait.

[RH33]

Ritchie, I dropped out primary teaching at uni at 22 due to my mental health. I’ve visited several inpatient wards in the interim years and will probability always be on medication. Getting ill in youre late teens early 20’s is shite as it’s when degrees are achieved and career paths embarked on.

l’m 35 now. divorced, renting, on benefits and three kids. 

And I’m doing final module at OU for a BAHons and have just sbmitted my postgrad application for primary teaching!