Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Also to add, I think it's fantastic that guys (even through Internet anonymity) are talking about mental health, I've mentioned before that I've went through depresssion twice and also had wee touches here and there, I don't think it really disappears fully. 

The stigma towards mental health in men is fuckin ridiculous, but more and more I'm seeing men openly discuss their battles. I have a shitload if respect for Forfars David Cox who has been very public with his battles. If more and more men can talk us, the less men we see take their lives due to mental health reasons. Last year when our own Chris Mitchell took his life I was in tears as it brought back memories to the struggles I had and was confused how a young talented lad can go that step further and take his own life, especially a lad who I was cheering on from the stands only weeks before it. 

Please keep this chat up lads, and if anyone out there are struggling, please speak out whether it's friends, family, a health professional, your employer or even this place or wherever else. As much as this place has many faults, there's a lot of cracking guys on here - this forum proves it. 

Heid up, speak out, think better and be stronger!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Johnny Däpp said:

Please keep this chat up lads, and if anyone out there are struggling, please speak out whether it's friends, family, a health professional, your employer or even this place or wherever else. As much as this place has many faults, there's a lot of cracking guys on here - this forum proves it. 

Heid up, speak out, think better and be stronger!

Good post, buddy.  A feature of the forum is that we like to rip the pish out of each other.  The upside is that any P&Ber struggling will also find a friend even just to exchange the occasional PM with.  There are some terrific blokes on here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Trying to help my mum with her heart condition, she had a mild heart attack a week and half ago whilst round at my sister's house. She's been bringing up her bucket list to me, which I've felt a bit uneasy about but I'm on board with it now, shouldn't be anything crazy ash her heart isn't her only problem. On top of that trying to move on to a different job as it's shit currently. 

Then just this weekend heard the news that a school friend of mine has taken his own life, I can't stop thinking about it. Only 21 and on the surface had always been one of the happiest guys I know. A really funny and genuinely lovely guy. Seeing hundreds of tributes on Facebook and Twitter and it breaks my heart that he thought he couldn't reach out to a single one of them. 

I'm definitely a little shaken up by everything that's happening right now. Not doing the brave face act anymore as that's where it can start to go wrong. If you've got the brave face on nobody will ask if you're actually alright. If anything is happening in my life right now I just straight away talk to my best mate, I've always been able to go to him and he's likewise always come to me with his problems too.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Things have spiralled pretty quickly over the last few months. As much of a cliche as it is, it does feel like everything is against me at the moment. I try to look forward and it does look bleak.

The relationship with my ex is definitely broken beyond repair. This is made much more difficult due to the fact we have a son together. I made a decision a few months ago that i would give it 2 months and if there was no improvement that would be the end of it. On sunday i was more than a month into that and I was buried deeper in this mess than I ever was before, then suddenly everything changed. It's like there was a light at the end of it. I won't go into details but finally there was something to hold on to. I had gone from not knowing if i would see June to actively planning a future.

Of course this only lasted a few days. I was then told that this change was indeed a lie and couldn't continue. This has left me in a funny position.

On the one hand it showed me that having hope again is possible, but on the other hand it has reinforced everything that I have believed for quite some time - that it's all just false hope. It all collapses eventually. For some it's a year. For others it's a couple of years. For the lucky ones it's decades but eventually it all ends the same way, and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with that as long as it's on my terms. I remember saying to a friend when we were teenagers that there was something inside me that said I wouldn't see 32. It was strangely specific, but I have always carried that around with me. I'm 31 this year and I really just can't be arsed anymore. I have been to the doctors plenty of times lately but each time I fool myself into thinking I have been honest with him. Overall I have, but I always feel the need to add something else at the end of each thing I tell him. That full stop almost being a nod to him that I'm seeing it all logically. It all boils down to me kidding myself on really.

I have been hovering around this thread for the last few weeks. I haven't read anything in it. I've looked at it but never read anyone's posts. Every now and again I type up a long post then halfway through proof reading it just delete it all and go back to whatever else there is to do.

I haven't slept much the last few weeks either. The doctor gave me beta blockers which seem to be doing f**k all other than making it harder to sleep, which is why I suppose I'm lying wide awake in my bed typing this up on my phone. I'm not sure what I'm going to do exactly. I usually tell myself just to get the old heid down and plod along but I have been doing that and thinking about it rationally for the last 15 years. I just can't be arsed anymore.

I haven't deleted the post yet so I suppose that's a good sign. I suppose i'll just leave this here and come back to it again at some point. As much as this isn't exactly anonymous it's easier than talking to people because if a reply comes I can choose to look the other way whereas if I had that conversation in person I'm stuck in it. Don't get me wrong I know people here. Not everyone, but I know enough to chat to if we met on the street, but not well enough that I'm stuck there if it happened.

Right, I'm quite clearly rambling now so i'll f**k off and leave this be for a while. It's a strange situation because as I have put it out there it doesnt feel like any weight has been lifted. I still feel almost as numb as I did 3 hours ago. Anyway, good luck to all you other sad fuckers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Anyway, good luck to all you other sad fuckers.

Didn't want to quote the whole post.
Hope you feel a bit off a weight off getting out there. Find it helps me. I'm not really sure the words to help but your last line was quite poignant, there's plenty folk going through shitty times so we're never going through a shitty time alone. Focus on your son mate, it'll no doubt be difficult with your ex but f**k it, just try and be there for the wee man. Plenty good times with him ahead.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, NorthernJambo said:


Focus on your son mate, it'll no doubt be difficult with your ex but f**k it, just try and be there for the wee man. Plenty good times with him ahead.

Ditto, all the best Toma 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2017-6-1 at 10:20, JamieStevenson said:

Trying to help my mum with her heart condition, she had a mild heart attack a week and half ago whilst round at my sister's house. She's been bringing up her bucket list to me, which I've felt a bit uneasy about but I'm on board with it now, shouldn't be anything crazy ash her heart isn't her only problem. On top of that trying to move on to a different job as it's shit currently. 

Then just this weekend heard the news that a school friend of mine has taken his own life, I can't stop thinking about it. Only 21 and on the surface had always been one of the happiest guys I know. A really funny and genuinely lovely guy. Seeing hundreds of tributes on Facebook and Twitter and it breaks my heart that he thought he couldn't reach out to a single one of them. 

I'm definitely a little shaken up by everything that's happening right now. Not doing the brave face act anymore as that's where it can start to go wrong. If you've got the brave face on nobody will ask if you're actually alright. If anything is happening in my life right now I just straight away talk to my best mate, I've always been able to go to him and he's likewise always come to me with his problems too.  

I had a pretty crappy weekend last weekend (culminating in me taking Monday off work and feeling pretty guilty about it all day) and I can't see how speaking to anyone would have helped, or at least I couldn't at the time. I'm not even sure what I would say to someone or what good it would do. So in a way I can understand that.

Hope you feel better and sorry to hear about your mum. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, DA Baracus said:

I had a pretty crappy weekend last weekend (culminating in me taking Monday off work and feeling pretty guilty about it all day) and I can't see how speaking to anyone would have helped, or at least I couldn't at the time. I'm not even sure what I would say to someone or what good it would do. So in a way I can understand that.

Hope you feel better and sorry to hear about your mum. 

Thanks man, I thought about it a little more. You're right talking might not have helped at all. If you're so set on going through with it, I'd imagine it's highly unlikely anybody could say something to change your mind and obviously won't reach out anyway as t hey don't want talked out of it. 

It's just sad really, no matter the circumstances a 21 year old has passed away with the best years of his life still ahead of him. f**k.

 

My niece is the best right now. We have her over the weekend whilst my sister is working 2 jobs. She's just turned 3 and has a cracking personality. I want her to be a Pars fan but her dad is Hibs and step dad is Rangers so will likely choose one of them. If that's the case I hope she just doesn't like football. 8)

I'm going to drag myself along to the cinema tonight, the  timing isn't great but I'd been looking forward to it for a while.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, JamieStevenson said:

Thanks man, I thought about it a little more. You're right talking might not have helped at all. If you're so set on going through with it, I'd imagine it's highly unlikely anybody could say something to change your mind and obviously won't reach out anyway as t hey don't want talked out of it. 

It's just sad really, no matter the circumstances a 21 year old has passed away with the best years of his life still ahead of him. f**k.

 

My niece is the best right now. We have her over the weekend whilst my sister is working 2 jobs. She's just turned 3 and has a cracking personality. I want her to be a Pars fan but her dad is Hibs and step dad is Rangers so will likely choose one of them. If that's the case I hope she just doesn't like football. 8)

I'm going to drag myself along to the cinema tonight, the  timing isn't great but I'd been looking forward to it for a while.

I think it's a feeling of hopelessness, thinking that speaking to anyone won't change things, or won't improve circumstances.

Regarding your niece, bombard her with Pars memorabilia. She simply cannot be allowed to be a Sevconian, and being a Hibee isn't on either.

Admit it; you're going to the cinema to have a big w**k over Wonder Woman, aren't you? There's no shame in it.

Ok, maybe a little shame. But not much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, DA Baracus said:

I think it's a feeling of hopelessness, thinking that speaking to anyone won't change things, or won't improve circumstances.

Regarding your niece, bombard her with Pars memorabilia. She simply cannot be allowed to be a Sevconian, and being a Hibee isn't on either.

Admit it; you're going to the cinema to have a big w**k over Wonder Woman, aren't you? There's no shame in it.

Ok, maybe a little shame. But not much.

Oh it's definitely Wonder Woman, going with a mate so there will be none of that behaviour!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, JamieStevenson said:

Oh it's definitely Wonder Woman, going with a mate so there will be none of that behaviour!

Yes, that would be weird. It's one of the reasons I always go to the cinema on my own.*

 

*

It isn't

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, Toma_BullyWee said:

Things have spiralled pretty quickly over the last few months. As much of a cliche as it is, it does feel like everything is against me at the moment. I try to look forward and it does look bleak.

The relationship with my ex is definitely broken beyond repair. This is made much more difficult due to the fact we have a son together. I made a decision a few months ago that i would give it 2 months and if there was no improvement that would be the end of it. On sunday i was more than a month into that and I was buried deeper in this mess than I ever was before, then suddenly everything changed. It's like there was a light at the end of it. I won't go into details but finally there was something to hold on to. I had gone from not knowing if i would see June to actively planning a future.

Of course this only lasted a few days. I was then told that this change was indeed a lie and couldn't continue. This has left me in a funny position.

On the one hand it showed me that having hope again is possible, but on the other hand it has reinforced everything that I have believed for quite some time - that it's all just false hope. It all collapses eventually. For some it's a year. For others it's a couple of years. For the lucky ones it's decades but eventually it all ends the same way, and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with that as long as it's on my terms. I remember saying to a friend when we were teenagers that there was something inside me that said I wouldn't see 32. It was strangely specific, but I have always carried that around with me. I'm 31 this year and I really just can't be arsed anymore. I have been to the doctors plenty of times lately but each time I fool myself into thinking I have been honest with him. Overall I have, but I always feel the need to add something else at the end of each thing I tell him. That full stop almost being a nod to him that I'm seeing it all logically. It all boils down to me kidding myself on really.

I have been hovering around this thread for the last few weeks. I haven't read anything in it. I've looked at it but never read anyone's posts. Every now and again I type up a long post then halfway through proof reading it just delete it all and go back to whatever else there is to do.

I haven't slept much the last few weeks either. The doctor gave me beta blockers which seem to be doing f**k all other than making it harder to sleep, which is why I suppose I'm lying wide awake in my bed typing this up on my phone. I'm not sure what I'm going to do exactly. I usually tell myself just to get the old heid down and plod along but I have been doing that and thinking about it rationally for the last 15 years. I just can't be arsed anymore.

I haven't deleted the post yet so I suppose that's a good sign. I suppose i'll just leave this here and come back to it again at some point. As much as this isn't exactly anonymous it's easier than talking to people because if a reply comes I can choose to look the other way whereas if I had that conversation in person I'm stuck in it. Don't get me wrong I know people here. Not everyone, but I know enough to chat to if we met on the street, but not well enough that I'm stuck there if it happened.

Right, I'm quite clearly rambling now so i'll f**k off and leave this be for a while. It's a strange situation because as I have put it out there it doesnt feel like any weight has been lifted. I still feel almost as numb as I did 3 hours ago. Anyway, good luck to all you other sad fuckers.

You took a big step and sent the message. You also made it to June. It always has to be in small yet important steps mate.

Yes. Hope doesn't last forever. But the downs don't either, because hope comes back for another fight.

You have folk on here. You have folk all around the world like you and you have a son. Plenty to be getting on with.

Also. Get those beta-blockers to f**k. They are awful when it comes to sleep.

Weather the storm and wait for hope to come round again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I split up with my then missus in 2001 and she wanted me to only see our daughter for about 4 hours a month(she wasn't quite 2 at that point) Well I fought for a decent amount of time with her and got there after about two months. So keep fighting for your kids and you'll still have a relationship with them. It might not be the one you imagined when they were born but it's a relationship none the less. I've had a few bouts of depression and thankfully they weren't too full on and I managed to work my way through but knowing my daughter was there certainly helped me to get through them. Basically, like Henry Hill said, try to weather the storm but if you can't, please see your doctor!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't give up Toma, there is always hope. Just because your relationship has failed doesn't mean you need to give up. Try and do something positive each week/month. Have something to look forward to each month, even if it is going away walking with a mate or having your son overnight. You can pull yourself out of this.

Even if you are the shittest parent going (which I know you aren't) your son will want you around in the future, that has to be your thinking.

We live fairly close to each other mate, if you want to come round tomorrow for a cup of tea or a few beers to watch the Champions League Final then you're more than welcome.

I was going through a shite time not too long ago. My friend sent me a text, telling my about a bloke that was lost at sea for 76 days after his boat sank. He was pretty much certain he was going to die. Throughout the whole ordeal he held strong to the mantra of "I am doing the best I possibly can", that's really we can do.

Keep the faith, things will come good eventually, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Right, I'm quite clearly rambling now so i'll f**k off and leave this be for a while. It's a strange situation because as I have put it out there it doesnt feel like any weight has been lifted. I still feel almost as numb as I did 3 hours ago. Anyway, good luck to all you other sad fuckers.


Brave as f**k post mate.

Can only echo what others have said in here. You will get through this. And yeah the bad times will come again but you'll get through that too.

I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed by the sadness that all you want is a way out. That maybe you're just not meant for this world. It's not true, it's never true. My friend recently committed suicide, clearly felt there was nothing here for him. 300 people crying their eyes out at his funeral would've told him emphatically otherwise.

The advice is give is to get out there and talk to people. Doesn't have to be about this, just socialise. People's company has an odd knack of being a relief. When i was at my worst I locked myself away and hid from the world and it's never a good idea.

Hang in there mate, get help. You will get through it. As someone else said, one small step at a time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Dons_1988 said:

 


Brave as f**k post mate.

Can only echo what others have said in here. You will get through this. And yeah the bad times will come again but you'll get through that too.

I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed by the sadness that all you want is a way out. That maybe you're just not meant for this world. It's not true, it's never true. My friend recently committed suicide, clearly felt there was nothing here for him. 300 people crying their eyes out at his funeral would've told him emphatically otherwise.

The advice is give is to get out there and talk to people. Doesn't have to be about this, just socialise. People's company has an odd knack of being a relief. When i was at my worst I locked myself away and hid from the world and it's never a good idea.

Hang in there mate, get help. You will get through it. As someone else said, one small step at a time.
 

 

Whilst this is good (I particularly agree about company being a relief), what if someone is stuck somewhere where they can't just pop out and see a pal? Like if they live somewhere where they don't really have any friends and their friends all live in different cities? 

20 hours ago, JamieStevenson said:

Oh it's definitely Wonder Woman, going with a mate so there will be none of that behaviour!

How was Wonder Woman?

On 6/2/2017 at 03:09, Toma_BullyWee said:

Things have spiralled pretty quickly over the last few months. As much of a cliche as it is, it does feel like everything is against me at the moment. I try to look forward and it does look bleak.

The relationship with my ex is definitely broken beyond repair. This is made much more difficult due to the fact we have a son together. I made a decision a few months ago that i would give it 2 months and if there was no improvement that would be the end of it. On sunday i was more than a month into that and I was buried deeper in this mess than I ever was before, then suddenly everything changed. It's like there was a light at the end of it. I won't go into details but finally there was something to hold on to. I had gone from not knowing if i would see June to actively planning a future.

Of course this only lasted a few days. I was then told that this change was indeed a lie and couldn't continue. This has left me in a funny position.

On the one hand it showed me that having hope again is possible, but on the other hand it has reinforced everything that I have believed for quite some time - that it's all just false hope. It all collapses eventually. For some it's a year. For others it's a couple of years. For the lucky ones it's decades but eventually it all ends the same way, and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with that as long as it's on my terms. I remember saying to a friend when we were teenagers that there was something inside me that said I wouldn't see 32. It was strangely specific, but I have always carried that around with me. I'm 31 this year and I really just can't be arsed anymore. I have been to the doctors plenty of times lately but each time I fool myself into thinking I have been honest with him. Overall I have, but I always feel the need to add something else at the end of each thing I tell him. That full stop almost being a nod to him that I'm seeing it all logically. It all boils down to me kidding myself on really.

I have been hovering around this thread for the last few weeks. I haven't read anything in it. I've looked at it but never read anyone's posts. Every now and again I type up a long post then halfway through proof reading it just delete it all and go back to whatever else there is to do.

I haven't slept much the last few weeks either. The doctor gave me beta blockers which seem to be doing f**k all other than making it harder to sleep, which is why I suppose I'm lying wide awake in my bed typing this up on my phone. I'm not sure what I'm going to do exactly. I usually tell myself just to get the old heid down and plod along but I have been doing that and thinking about it rationally for the last 15 years. I just can't be arsed anymore.

I haven't deleted the post yet so I suppose that's a good sign. I suppose i'll just leave this here and come back to it again at some point. As much as this isn't exactly anonymous it's easier than talking to people because if a reply comes I can choose to look the other way whereas if I had that conversation in person I'm stuck in it. Don't get me wrong I know people here. Not everyone, but I know enough to chat to if we met on the street, but not well enough that I'm stuck there if it happened.

Right, I'm quite clearly rambling now so i'll f**k off and leave this be for a while. It's a strange situation because as I have put it out there it doesnt feel like any weight has been lifted. I still feel almost as numb as I did 3 hours ago. Anyway, good luck to all you other sad fuckers.

Go see Wonder Woman. Wanking optional (apparently).

Sorry, just shite banter in a poor attempt to inject some humour in to a dark situation. I know what you mean about feeling like you can't be fucked with things. At times it definitely seems like things just go on a shite cycle with no end and does seem utterly pointless. I'm sorry to say that there is no easy answer to that. To me it sounds like seeing the GP isn't working, and neither are the beta blockers. I can only suggest trying something else (have you found anything that you've had success with in the past?). I would also say that you took a big step forward with what you describe in the second paragraph, but that it being taken away from you knocked back further than where you 'started' from. Like one step forward and 4 back type thing. Is there any way to get this thing back, or to get something similar? It sounds like you think you don't have anything to live for, something to drag yourself through hard, shite times for. But as others have said, you have your kid. It might be an idea to think of other such things. 

But none of this is easy sadly.Still, like everyone on here I'm always available for a chat via PM, even though I'm a juvenile tit.

Incidentally I am 32. I made a promise to myself that I would sort things in my life by the time I was 30 or I would kill myself. I didn't sort these things and obviously didn't top myself. Still struggling with these things too, but hope to start getting them sorted.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Go see Wonder Woman. Wanking optional (apparently).

Sorry, just shite banter in a poor attempt to inject some humour in to a dark situation. I know what you mean about feeling like you can't be fucked with things. At times it definitely seems like things just go on a shite cycle with no end and does seem utterly pointless. I'm sorry to say that there is no easy answer to that. To me it sounds like seeing the GP isn't working, and neither are the beta blockers. I can only suggest trying something else (have you found anything that you've had success with in the past?). I would also say that you took a big step forward with what you describe in the second paragraph, but that it being taken away from you knocked back further than where you 'started' from. Like one step forward and 4 back type thing. Is there any way to get this thing back, or to get something similar? It sounds like you think you don't have anything to live for, something to drag yourself through hard, shite times for. But as others have said, you have your kid. It might be an idea to think of other such things. 
But none of this is easy sadly.Still, like everyone on here I'm always available for a chat via PM, even though I'm a juvenile tit.
Incidentally I am 32. I made a promise to myself that I would sort things in my life by the time I was 30 or I would kill myself. I didn't sort these things and obviously didn't top myself. Still struggling with these things too, but hope to start getting them sorted.



Sorry meant to quote your point directed at me but I'm a bit of a twat with the mobile version of P&B.

I agree this is a difficulty and it's why isolated people are generally the highest risk for suicide.

I would still say get out there. Join a pub football team, or anything.

I'm quite fortunate on my job that I spend so much time at clients etc that I can work from home and nobody will really question it. I started to do this a lot at my worst times, work at home and hide away from people. I found that on the days I just decided to go into the office I found the interaction with colleagues and clients (none of whom I'd consider 'friends' particularly) was a help, just chatting through work etc, people asking my advice on things, I felt part of stuff again. So just getting yourself into social situations in any form can be good.

Of course there's always P&B. A lot of the stuff I've posted on this thread is not stuff I would drop into conversation with a friend still, to my own demerit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One of the best things to do is join a Saturday morning fitness programme, or go to the local parkrun albeit it's harder to talk to people there.
It's a great way to meet new people, exercise and start making good routines again.

DA, you'd better not top yourself or I'll kick f**k out of you! You might not realize it but you've got a lot going for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×