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I split up with my then missus in 2001 and she wanted me to only see our daughter for about 4 hours a month(she wasn't quite 2 at that point) Well I fought for a decent amount of time with her and got there after about two months. So keep fighting for your kids and you'll still have a relationship with them. It might not be the one you imagined when they were born but it's a relationship none the less. I've had a few bouts of depression and thankfully they weren't too full on and I managed to work my way through but knowing my daughter was there certainly helped me to get through them. Basically, like Henry Hill said, try to weather the storm but if you can't, please see your doctor!

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Don't give up Toma, there is always hope. Just because your relationship has failed doesn't mean you need to give up. Try and do something positive each week/month. Have something to look forward to each month, even if it is going away walking with a mate or having your son overnight. You can pull yourself out of this.

Even if you are the shittest parent going (which I know you aren't) your son will want you around in the future, that has to be your thinking.

We live fairly close to each other mate, if you want to come round tomorrow for a cup of tea or a few beers to watch the Champions League Final then you're more than welcome.

I was going through a shite time not too long ago. My friend sent me a text, telling my about a bloke that was lost at sea for 76 days after his boat sank. He was pretty much certain he was going to die. Throughout the whole ordeal he held strong to the mantra of "I am doing the best I possibly can", that's really we can do.

Keep the faith, things will come good eventually, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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Right, I'm quite clearly rambling now so i'll f**k off and leave this be for a while. It's a strange situation because as I have put it out there it doesnt feel like any weight has been lifted. I still feel almost as numb as I did 3 hours ago. Anyway, good luck to all you other sad fuckers.


Brave as f**k post mate.

Can only echo what others have said in here. You will get through this. And yeah the bad times will come again but you'll get through that too.

I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed by the sadness that all you want is a way out. That maybe you're just not meant for this world. It's not true, it's never true. My friend recently committed suicide, clearly felt there was nothing here for him. 300 people crying their eyes out at his funeral would've told him emphatically otherwise.

The advice is give is to get out there and talk to people. Doesn't have to be about this, just socialise. People's company has an odd knack of being a relief. When i was at my worst I locked myself away and hid from the world and it's never a good idea.

Hang in there mate, get help. You will get through it. As someone else said, one small step at a time.

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4 hours ago, Dons_1988 said:

 


Brave as f**k post mate.

Can only echo what others have said in here. You will get through this. And yeah the bad times will come again but you'll get through that too.

I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed by the sadness that all you want is a way out. That maybe you're just not meant for this world. It's not true, it's never true. My friend recently committed suicide, clearly felt there was nothing here for him. 300 people crying their eyes out at his funeral would've told him emphatically otherwise.

The advice is give is to get out there and talk to people. Doesn't have to be about this, just socialise. People's company has an odd knack of being a relief. When i was at my worst I locked myself away and hid from the world and it's never a good idea.

Hang in there mate, get help. You will get through it. As someone else said, one small step at a time.
 

 

Whilst this is good (I particularly agree about company being a relief), what if someone is stuck somewhere where they can't just pop out and see a pal? Like if they live somewhere where they don't really have any friends and their friends all live in different cities? 

20 hours ago, JamieStevenson said:

Oh it's definitely Wonder Woman, going with a mate so there will be none of that behaviour!

How was Wonder Woman?

On 6/2/2017 at 03:09, Toma_BullyWee said:

Things have spiralled pretty quickly over the last few months. As much of a cliche as it is, it does feel like everything is against me at the moment. I try to look forward and it does look bleak.

The relationship with my ex is definitely broken beyond repair. This is made much more difficult due to the fact we have a son together. I made a decision a few months ago that i would give it 2 months and if there was no improvement that would be the end of it. On sunday i was more than a month into that and I was buried deeper in this mess than I ever was before, then suddenly everything changed. It's like there was a light at the end of it. I won't go into details but finally there was something to hold on to. I had gone from not knowing if i would see June to actively planning a future.

Of course this only lasted a few days. I was then told that this change was indeed a lie and couldn't continue. This has left me in a funny position.

On the one hand it showed me that having hope again is possible, but on the other hand it has reinforced everything that I have believed for quite some time - that it's all just false hope. It all collapses eventually. For some it's a year. For others it's a couple of years. For the lucky ones it's decades but eventually it all ends the same way, and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with that as long as it's on my terms. I remember saying to a friend when we were teenagers that there was something inside me that said I wouldn't see 32. It was strangely specific, but I have always carried that around with me. I'm 31 this year and I really just can't be arsed anymore. I have been to the doctors plenty of times lately but each time I fool myself into thinking I have been honest with him. Overall I have, but I always feel the need to add something else at the end of each thing I tell him. That full stop almost being a nod to him that I'm seeing it all logically. It all boils down to me kidding myself on really.

I have been hovering around this thread for the last few weeks. I haven't read anything in it. I've looked at it but never read anyone's posts. Every now and again I type up a long post then halfway through proof reading it just delete it all and go back to whatever else there is to do.

I haven't slept much the last few weeks either. The doctor gave me beta blockers which seem to be doing f**k all other than making it harder to sleep, which is why I suppose I'm lying wide awake in my bed typing this up on my phone. I'm not sure what I'm going to do exactly. I usually tell myself just to get the old heid down and plod along but I have been doing that and thinking about it rationally for the last 15 years. I just can't be arsed anymore.

I haven't deleted the post yet so I suppose that's a good sign. I suppose i'll just leave this here and come back to it again at some point. As much as this isn't exactly anonymous it's easier than talking to people because if a reply comes I can choose to look the other way whereas if I had that conversation in person I'm stuck in it. Don't get me wrong I know people here. Not everyone, but I know enough to chat to if we met on the street, but not well enough that I'm stuck there if it happened.

Right, I'm quite clearly rambling now so i'll f**k off and leave this be for a while. It's a strange situation because as I have put it out there it doesnt feel like any weight has been lifted. I still feel almost as numb as I did 3 hours ago. Anyway, good luck to all you other sad fuckers.

Go see Wonder Woman. Wanking optional (apparently).

Sorry, just shite banter in a poor attempt to inject some humour in to a dark situation. I know what you mean about feeling like you can't be fucked with things. At times it definitely seems like things just go on a shite cycle with no end and does seem utterly pointless. I'm sorry to say that there is no easy answer to that. To me it sounds like seeing the GP isn't working, and neither are the beta blockers. I can only suggest trying something else (have you found anything that you've had success with in the past?). I would also say that you took a big step forward with what you describe in the second paragraph, but that it being taken away from you knocked back further than where you 'started' from. Like one step forward and 4 back type thing. Is there any way to get this thing back, or to get something similar? It sounds like you think you don't have anything to live for, something to drag yourself through hard, shite times for. But as others have said, you have your kid. It might be an idea to think of other such things. 

But none of this is easy sadly.Still, like everyone on here I'm always available for a chat via PM, even though I'm a juvenile tit.

Incidentally I am 32. I made a promise to myself that I would sort things in my life by the time I was 30 or I would kill myself. I didn't sort these things and obviously didn't top myself. Still struggling with these things too, but hope to start getting them sorted.

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Go see Wonder Woman. Wanking optional (apparently).

Sorry, just shite banter in a poor attempt to inject some humour in to a dark situation. I know what you mean about feeling like you can't be fucked with things. At times it definitely seems like things just go on a shite cycle with no end and does seem utterly pointless. I'm sorry to say that there is no easy answer to that. To me it sounds like seeing the GP isn't working, and neither are the beta blockers. I can only suggest trying something else (have you found anything that you've had success with in the past?). I would also say that you took a big step forward with what you describe in the second paragraph, but that it being taken away from you knocked back further than where you 'started' from. Like one step forward and 4 back type thing. Is there any way to get this thing back, or to get something similar? It sounds like you think you don't have anything to live for, something to drag yourself through hard, shite times for. But as others have said, you have your kid. It might be an idea to think of other such things. 
But none of this is easy sadly.Still, like everyone on here I'm always available for a chat via PM, even though I'm a juvenile tit.
Incidentally I am 32. I made a promise to myself that I would sort things in my life by the time I was 30 or I would kill myself. I didn't sort these things and obviously didn't top myself. Still struggling with these things too, but hope to start getting them sorted.



Sorry meant to quote your point directed at me but I'm a bit of a twat with the mobile version of P&B.

I agree this is a difficulty and it's why isolated people are generally the highest risk for suicide.

I would still say get out there. Join a pub football team, or anything.

I'm quite fortunate on my job that I spend so much time at clients etc that I can work from home and nobody will really question it. I started to do this a lot at my worst times, work at home and hide away from people. I found that on the days I just decided to go into the office I found the interaction with colleagues and clients (none of whom I'd consider 'friends' particularly) was a help, just chatting through work etc, people asking my advice on things, I felt part of stuff again. So just getting yourself into social situations in any form can be good.

Of course there's always P&B. A lot of the stuff I've posted on this thread is not stuff I would drop into conversation with a friend still, to my own demerit.

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One of the best things to do is join a Saturday morning fitness programme, or go to the local parkrun albeit it's harder to talk to people there.
It's a great way to meet new people, exercise and start making good routines again.

DA, you'd better not top yourself or I'll kick f**k out of you! You might not realize it but you've got a lot going for you.

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48 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

One of the best things to do is join a Saturday morning fitness programme, or go to the local parkrun albeit it's harder to talk to people there.
It's a great way to meet new people, exercise and start making good routines again.

DA, you'd better not top yourself or I'll kick f**k out of you! You might not realize it but you've got a lot going for you.

I've no plans of doing so cunto.

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I've no plans of doing so cunto.

Think you should kill Stella, DA. Threatened to kick f**k out of dead you. You both ken the place, maws are required.

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1 minute ago, NorthernJambo said:


Think you should kill Stella, DA. Threatened to kick f**k out of dead you. You both ken the place, maws are required.

I've been promising to kick f**k out of him for about 12 years. It'll happen

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Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,

I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.

Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.

It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.

Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.

Edited by Theo Snelders

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8 hours ago, Theo Snelders said:

Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,

I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.

Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.

It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.

Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.

If he's treating you for PTSD there's nothing he hasn't heard. He probably has a good idea what it is already. But your treatment's success depends on you processing it, which is why you need to say or write it, to move on to the next stage of the recovery process.

Edited by Sergeant Wilson

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Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,
I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.
Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.
It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.
Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.

As Sarge says, chances are the therapist has heard before and if not he's not going to judge you. I've never gone through PTSD so can't imagine the way it effects you. It sounds normal writing the letter is really difficult. It's something I've done a couple times, just written a letter (not to someone) just to get it all down and be able to look at it. Even if you only write half of the stuff you want and give him that, it's a fucking great start and a really good point to build from. Keep at it mate.

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1 hour ago, Theo Snelders said:

Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,

I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.

Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.

It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.

Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.

Agreed with what's been said already. It's very likely that he's dealt with this problem and has experience in this before, even if he's not he'll have an idea of it. Just do your best to get as much down as you can, anything is a good start.

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Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,
I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.
Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.
It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.
Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.


Can only echo what the guys above have said. Your therapist will have heard everything before and from what I have heard other people say, getting it out it is a massive step to helping you start to improve.

Even just getting some out will hopefully take a bit of the weight off.

Really wish you the best of luck buddy.

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I had something fairly horrific happen at the end of November. I already have a very good therapist. She got me to basically relive it and tell her in graphic detail what had happened. Good therapists are trained to deal with anything they hear without judgement. They're also a fair chance they'll have heard similar before. 

Its the hardest moments in therapy that help the most.

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9 hours ago, Theo Snelders said:

Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,

I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.

Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.

It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.

Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.

Hope you find the strength to finish the letter bud. Remember that your therapist needs this to help you get to where you want to be 

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Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,
I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.
Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.
It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.
Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.

I had a similar experience after writing it all down it was at first cathartic then I felt angry at myself for not standing up for myself or thinking I had deserved it somehow. It got better quickly and it was the right thing to do. There is no way a professional will laugh or make light of it as it's obviously effecting you. If the letter is giving you anxiety keep it away from you until you need it or in a locked place? Hope it goes ok for you.

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Hope everyone who posts on here (or lurks) is feeling a bit better in themselves at the moment,
I was wondering if anyone can help me, just having such a terrible time at the moment. Of course depression has  been a problem for me on and off since I was a young teenager, but last year I received a diagnosis of PTSD.
Going through therapy at the moment, and just cannot tell my therapist what has happened to me (I just cannot say the words- it makes me feel physically sick). We agreed I would write him a letter, which I have done. The problem is, I have just mentally collapsed just writing it all down. Sounds daft, but it's as if my brain can't accept it-even if subconciously it's always known it.
It's totaly irrational, but I fear he will laugh at me when he reads the letter- yet I know he won't- he's a good guy. The fear is almost all consuming. I've to give him the letter on Friday.
Apologies if this is too deep. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as I'm in a bad place and a pretty scared.


I'm sure my own experiences are minor in comparison but a simple technique my psychologist gave me was always "what would you tell a friend if they came to you with the same problem"

I think that answer would be that you will benefit from finally getting it out, as painful as it is. It'll be tough and it'll hurt but I reckon it will be a weight lifted when you come out of it.

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Thanks to everyone for your support.

It sounds stupid, but I sometimes imagine my therapist with a set of horns and brandishing a trident-which is bloody ridiculous because he is such a decent guy, It's just all the stuff that has happened before that makes me think this way. I find it very hard to trust anyone. Anyhow he read my letter and validated my feelings- in fact he said it made him feel angry that I had had to go through such thngs, what a relief. I've been listened to.

He wants me now to have a voice- so I've to write to him again, telling him exactly how I feel about the people who've harmed me.

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