Depression

[Poet of the Macabre]

13 minutes ago, The Moonster said:

I just had a look at their website. Leaving aside the horrid number of awful stock photos they've used, it looks like a fairly bog standard CBT course they're trying to flog. Speak to your GP instead and he'll refer you to one for free.

I've not had to pay for it (thankfully) but spending half an hour writing down how I feel about doing the dishes isn't really helping.

[The Moonster]

1 minute ago, Poet of the Macabre said:

I've not had to pay for it (thankfully) but spending half an hour writing down how I feel about doing the dishes isn't really helping.

Yeah, I'm not sure an online course type thing is very personal. I found actually speaking to someone in the flesh really helpful and they could alter their line of questioning/advice based on your circumstances.

[Jamaldo]

About time I posted here.

Signed off work with stress and exhaustion. Think there's more to it than that but my main focus when I went to the doctor was just to get the time off work. I'm very stubborn and just ride out bad feelings but I snapped and knew I needed time off.

My problem is I really can't bare the thought of going back. How will I know when I'm ready?

[paranoid android]

1 hour ago, Jamaldo said:

About time I posted here.

Signed off work with stress and exhaustion. Think there's more to it than that but my main focus when I went to the doctor was just to get the time off work. I'm very stubborn and just ride out bad feelings but I snapped and knew I needed time off.

My problem is I really can't bare the thought of going back. How will I know when I'm ready?

I think that's something you would talk about with your doctor, mate. 

Sounds like you've done the right thing, btw. 

[Jamaldo]

I think that's something you would talk about with your doctor, mate. 
Sounds like you've done the right thing, btw. 

Cheers. Might make an appointment before I go back or get an extension.

[NorthernJambo]

Cheers. Might make an appointment before I go back or get an extension.

Go back to your doctor and tell him you don't feel ready mate. When you feel ready to return to work, you will be.
Someone I know (genuinely not me, I've never been brave enough to address issues with he doctor) returned to work to soon. They were in bits before even getting there.
Speak to your work as well. If possible try going in just for an hour or so to get used to being back but knowing you'll be away again and won't have to worry soon.

[The_Kincardine]

2 hours ago, Jamaldo said:

About time I posted here.

Signed off work with stress and exhaustion. Think there's more to it than that but my main focus when I went to the doctor was just to get the time off work. I'm very stubborn and just ride out bad feelings but I snapped and knew I needed time off.

My problem is I really can't bare the thought of going back. How will I know when I'm ready?

I don't know your age and circumstances but maybe taking a look at how much your work has contributed would be useful and seeing if you could change jobs or hours might help.

A few years ago I was working lots of hours with plenty of travel and got to the stage where I just couldn't face it and couldn't sustain work and family life.  I took time off (agreed by my then employers), cut a lot of costs and started a new job which is part time but pays enough to sustain me and support my weans.

OK so I am much poorer but no longer have a sense of dread when the alarm goes off in the morning.  It could be that all you need is a break but maybe you need to look at things and make some adjustments if it's at all feasible.

Best wishes, bud and I know plenty on here have been in similar circumstances.

[Jamaldo]

I don't know your age and circumstances but maybe taking a look at how much your work has contributed would be useful and seeing if you could change jobs or hours might help.
A few years ago I was working lots of hours with plenty of travel and got to the stage where I just couldn't face it and couldn't sustain work and family life.  I took time off (agreed by my then employers), cut a lot of costs and started a new job which is part time but pays enough to sustain me and support my weans.
OK so I am much poorer but no longer have a sense of dread when the alarm goes off in the morning.  It could be that all you need is a break but maybe you need to look at things and make some adjustments if it's at all feasible.
Best wishes, bud and I know plenty on here have been in similar circumstances.

The worst thing about work has been the bad thoughts circulating through my head about colleagues and customers. I can't seem to stop them. It doesn't matter if they're a good person or a bad person really. It just happens. That's what I needed a break from.

Want to speak to a counsellor but have my doubts about it. I've built up an image of what they would have to look like (friendly face etc) and if they don't match that I might be less inclined to reveal stuff. But that's something that I can't really control I suppose.

Has anyone seen a private counsellor? Is that worth paying for? Will I get an appointment more quickly?

[The_Kincardine]

6 minutes ago, Jamaldo said:

 

The worst thing about work has been the bad thoughts circulating through my head about colleagues and customers. I can't seem to stop them. It doesn't matter if they're a good person or a bad person really. It just happens. That's what I needed a break from.

Want to speak to a counsellor but have my doubts about it. I've built up an image of what they would have to look like (friendly face etc) and if they don't match that I might be less inclined to reveal stuff. But that's something that I can't really control I suppose.

Has anyone seen a private counsellor? Is that worth paying for? Will I get an appointment more quickly?

 

I assume you're in some sort of sales/customer services type role and that can be quite tough.

You'll certainly get a private counsellor quickly if you pay for it.  Maybe look for someone with career experience, too?

[RH33]

Jamaldo, you may find that you have to try several councillors before you get one you can work with. I've been through many many mental health professionals over the years but eventually found one but it's private sector and it cheap.

 

Also made sure that anyone you do go and see has the appropriate accreditations. 

[EdgarusQPFC]

4 hours ago, The Moonster said:

I just had a look at their website. Leaving aside the horrid number of awful stock photos they've used, it looks like a fairly bog standard CBT course they're trying to flog. Speak to your GP instead and he'll refer you to one for free.

Where do you live Moonster? While i dunno if they do CBT, in Glasgow there is a excellent organisation called Lifelink who offer a variety of free courses that ive found helpful.

[John Lambies Doos]

Not really sure i want to discuss this, to be honest i find it rather embarrassing and there's more than a couple of arseholes on this site who love a free bit of ammo for taking the piss out of people.

As ive mentioned before i've been having some trouble coping with Agoraphobia, It was something first identified at the beginning of the year by my GP, but its something ive had for a long time now and its slowly built up on me. about 10 years ago me and a friend were attacked while walking home one night from a trip to a local shop, got roughed up pretty badly and had a knife pulled on me. Friend got a bottle over the head but was in a position to make a break for it while i wasn't so i received the brunt of the attack. Not that i ever blamed him in anyway, we were outnumbered and if i had seen a chance to run i would have also. 

Ever since that night i've pretty much avoided going out at dark as much as i possibly can, as you can imagine it affected my social life and my jobs as knowing it would be dark when i went home would affect my ability to concentrate on tasks. I pretty much did what most people would do in this situation and ignored it until it got worse til the beginning of the year when it began to also affect me going out in the day also. It has really affected my attempts to deal with my depression as i avoid going out as much as i can and so i've stopped going to support meetings, i see my GP less, stopped going to the gym the various things i was trying to help myself.

Roll on to last Friday and we are out shopping at the local supermarket, i have the usual apprehension i've come to expect and attempt to alleviate with propanol. I'm browsing in the pet food isle when i turn round to see my family members are gone, i start to get concerned which really annoys me because i'm a grown man and i shouldn't be feeling scared like a small child having lost a parent. This concern elevates to a small panic attack as i'm trying to find said family members.

I fucking hate having Agoraphobia and i really hate how much its destroyed my life.

Fair play m8 for discussing this.(anyone who uses it for ammo is an arsehole)
Have you tried CBT; it gets good results; also what about mindfulness? It helps you stay in present and prevents your mind wandering.
Stay strong.

[smpar]

Not really sure i want to discuss this, to be honest i find it rather embarrassing and there's more than a couple of arseholes on this site who love a free bit of ammo for taking the piss out of people.

As ive mentioned before i've been having some trouble coping with Agoraphobia, It was something first identified at the beginning of the year by my GP, but its something ive had for a long time now and its slowly built up on me. about 10 years ago me and a friend were attacked while walking home one night from a trip to a local shop, got roughed up pretty badly and had a knife pulled on me. Friend got a bottle over the head but was in a position to make a break for it while i wasn't so i received the brunt of the attack. Not that i ever blamed him in anyway, we were outnumbered and if i had seen a chance to run i would have also. 

Ever since that night i've pretty much avoided going out at dark as much as i possibly can, as you can imagine it affected my social life and my jobs as knowing it would be dark when i went home would affect my ability to concentrate on tasks. I pretty much did what most people would do in this situation and ignored it until it got worse til the beginning of the year when it began to also affect me going out in the day also. It has really affected my attempts to deal with my depression as i avoid going out as much as i can and so i've stopped going to support meetings, i see my GP less, stopped going to the gym the various things i was trying to help myself.

Roll on to last Friday and we are out shopping at the local supermarket, i have the usual apprehension i've come to expect and attempt to alleviate with propanol. I'm browsing in the pet food isle when i turn round to see my family members are gone, i start to get concerned which really annoys me because i'm a grown man and i shouldn't be feeling scared like a small child having lost a parent. This concern elevates to a small panic attack as i'm trying to find said family members.

I fucking hate having Agoraphobia and i really hate how much its destroyed my life.

Not embarrassing at all mate, that's a serious situation to have experienced and the vast majority of people would feel pretty scarred by it one way or another.

Are your family and friends aware of this in any depth? If not, they might be able to help you more with things like going out and about; making planned routes when walking to the supermarket, making sure you're not suddenly deserted on your own etc. Also, if they're able to help in any way, it might make you feel like you're not just trying to cope on your own.

I don't know if this is a thing, but do GPs do appointments over the phone or anything? I know avoiding going out shouldn't be encouraged, but speaking to him/her over the phone and then gradually increasing it to face-to-face appointments might help. Means you're still speaking to your GP while going out a bit more at a time.

It sounds like you and your mate were extremely unlucky in a wrong-place/wrong-time kinda thing, and it's such a shame that it's affecting you so much. Feel free to fire a PM over any time. I might not be much use but if you're just needing someone to talk to for whatever reason, don't hesitate

[invergowrie arab]

58 minutes ago, EdgarusQPFC said:

Not really sure i want to discuss this, to be honest i find it rather embarrassing and there's more than a couple of arseholes on this site who love a free bit of ammo for taking the piss out of people.

As ive mentioned before i've been having some trouble coping with Agoraphobia, It was something first identified at the beginning of the year by my GP, but its something ive had for a long time now and its slowly built up on me. about 10 years ago me and a friend were attacked while walking home one night from a trip to a local shop, got roughed up pretty badly and had a knife pulled on me. Friend got a bottle over the head but was in a position to make a break for it while i wasn't so i received the brunt of the attack. Not that i ever blamed him in anyway, we were outnumbered and if i had seen a chance to run i would have also. 

Ever since that night i've pretty much avoided going out at dark as much as i possibly can, as you can imagine it affected my social life and my jobs as knowing it would be dark when i went home would affect my ability to concentrate on tasks. I pretty much did what most people would do in this situation and ignored it until it got worse til the beginning of the year when it began to also affect me going out in the day also. It has really affected my attempts to deal with my depression as i avoid going out as much as i can and so i've stopped going to support meetings, i see my GP less, stopped going to the gym the various things i was trying to help myself.

Roll on to last Friday and we are out shopping at the local supermarket, i have the usual apprehension i've come to expect and attempt to alleviate with propanol. I'm browsing in the pet food isle when i turn round to see my family members are gone, i start to get concerned which really annoys me because i'm a grown man and i shouldn't be feeling scared like a small child having lost a parent. This concern elevates to a small panic attack as i'm trying to find said family members.

I fucking hate having Agoraphobia and i really hate how much its destroyed my life.

Have you been looked at for PTSD?

[EdgarusQPFC]

Cheers Lads, appreciate the kind words.

29 minutes ago, John Lambies Doos said:

 

Fair play m8 for discussing this.(anyone who uses it for ammo is an arsehole)
Have you tried CBT; it gets good results; also what about mindfulness? It helps you stay in present and prevents your mind wandering.
Stay strong.

 

CBT has been mentioned a few times to me and im really starting to think it may be a solution.

14 minutes ago, smpar said:

Not embarrassing at all mate, that's a serious situation to have experienced and the vast majority of people would feel pretty scarred by it one way or another.

Are your family and friends aware of this in any depth? If not, they might be able to help you more with things like going out and about; making planned routes when walking to the supermarket, making sure you're not suddenly deserted on your own etc. Also, if they're able to help in any way, it might make you feel like you're not just trying to cope on your own.

I don't know if this is a thing, but do GPs do appointments over the phone or anything? I know avoiding going out shouldn't be encouraged, but speaking to him/her over the phone and then gradually increasing it to face-to-face appointments might help. Means you're still speaking to your GP while going out a bit more at a time.

It sounds like you and your mate were extremely unlucky in a wrong-place/wrong-time kinda thing, and it's such a shame that it's affecting you so much. Feel free to fire a PM over any time. I might not be much use but if you're just needing someone to talk to for whatever reason, don't hesitate

My immediate family are aware, both my gran's and my aunt have been very supportive, my aunt even offers to join me when i go places if i need it. Its very frustrating at times. Going short distances in the day is usually fine, most of the immediate family live within a 5-10 minute walk of my house and because i've lived in this area my entire life i'm very familiar and comfortable with it. I still have to take a propanol, but i manage. It's places further out and/or busy i start to have more trouble. My GP recommended i plan out a series of steps to build up good experiences going out again, planning out further and further distances with a end goal. Bout a 3 month's ago that goal was going to the cinema with a friend, he works in central station and i arrived maybe 5-10 minutes early and just being in a really busy place like that wasn't pleasant for me. But i managed.

5 minutes ago, invergowrie arab said:

Have you been looked at for PTSD?

I haven't, to be entirely honest i didn't even consider it

[Theo Snelders]

5 hours ago, invergowrie arab said:

Have you been looked at for PTSD?

It's worth asking your GP EdgarusQPFC, it's now known that folk can develop PTSD following a violent attack like you describe.

[NorthernJambo]

Cheers Lads, appreciate the kind words.
I haven't, to be entirely honest i didn't even consider it

Thought I'd just quote the latest bit, but sorry to hear about the arseholes that jumped you and your pal.
Sounds like you've been making really good progress mate. Managed in central station, went to the cinema. These are built up, busy places. You got a bit caught out in the shop when you weren't expecting but that's okay. Look at it as a wee test, you've come through it and now you know you can do it...because you did!

[Adolfo Rios]

My mate got home this morning. He's in a bad way though. What we thought and feared has been confirmed and his plan was to end his life in New York. Thankfully they have him at his GP just now to start getting the help he needs.

[EdgarusQPFC]

19 minutes ago, Adolfo Rios said:

My mate got home this morning. He's in a bad way though. What we thought and feared has been confirmed and his plan was to end his life in New York. Thankfully they have him at his GP just now to start getting the help he needs.

Good to hear bud. GP is the best first step

[EdgarusQPFC]

Seen my GP this morning and discussed what happened. We have agreed to double my dose of Sertraline up to 100mg to see if that will help.