Depression

[Karpaty]

I honestly don't think that is depression but I want to put this out there to see if anyone can relate/help.

I have to change. I'm a bawhair away from being an alcoholic and it has to stop, now there's no excuse with the football stopping. I've spend a ridiculous amount of money on beer this week and as someone who works part time, I'm fucking brassic because of it. I know right now I'm drunk but by posting this I'll know tomorrow when I'm getting ready for work that the reality will be shoved down my throat and deservedly so.

I have to focus, the next 6 months could define my career in childcare with my SVQ and it's the first job I've ever had that I enjoy from the work to staff and management. If I f**k that up I will never be able to forgive myself. Then comes family matters that I must address now or I'll never will and probably will regret until the day I die.

I really shouldn't be saying this in social media but I need someone to slap me in the face if I f**k up and I sincerely hope someone does if that happens.

[paranoid android]

I honestly don't think that is depression but I want to put this out there to see if anyone can relate/help.

I have to change. I'm a bawhair away from being an alcoholic and it has to stop, now there's no excuse with the football stopping. I've spend a ridiculous amount of money on beer this week and as someone who works part time, I'm fucking brassic because of it. I know right now I'm drunk but by posting this I'll know tomorrow when I'm getting ready for work that the reality will be shoved down my throat and deservedly so.

I have to focus, the next 6 months could define my career in childcare with my SVQ and it's the first job I've ever had that I enjoy from the work to staff and management. If I f**k that up I will never be able to forgive myself. Then comes family matters that I must address now or I'll never will and probably will regret until the day I die.

I really shouldn't be saying this in social media but I need someone to slap me in the face if I f**k up and I sincerely hope someone does if that happens.

 

Sounds like it could be worth having a chat with someone who's qualified to help you, bud.

 

You could try calling your GP  - there are also some good links in the early pages of this thread that might be helpful.

 

Hope you're able to sort it out.

[welshbairn]

I have to focus, the next 6 months could define my career in childcare with my SVQ and it's the first job I've ever had that I enjoy from the work to staff and management. If I f**k that up I will never be able to forgive myself. Then comes family matters that I must address now or I'll never will and probably will regret until the day I die.

 

Given your own answer, just do it.

[Karpaty]

Given your own answer, just do it.

In terms of the SVQ, I'm getting by, just. I don't know if it's a good idea to approach my boss and discussing things with him as he's one of the nicest blokes I've ever met but also don't want to put doubts in his head whether I'm capable of doing my job. I know I am but as someone who doesn't like drinkers, I don't want to put the guy off. But I think it's only fair he's knows my situation as if I snap then he knows the real reason for it.

[Karpaty]

Sounds like it could be worth having a chat with someone who's qualified to help you, bud.

You could try calling your GP - there are also some good links in the early pages of this thread that might be helpful.

Hope you're able to sort it out.

There's a host of other things I want to speak with my GP so that's probably the place to start with this as well.

Cheers mate. All the best.

[mjw]

It's not for everyone but checking to see if there is an AA meeting local to you might help.

There's no-one medically trained there but it's full of people who've came back from a bad place.

[grazza]

Coming to accept that I am suffering some sort of depression. Kind of just thought it was maybe it as result of not achieving what I wanted graduating at the worst possible time that probably had an impact on it but been okay for few years  (8 years) though what feels normal might not be great. The last few months I just can't get much joy from things that would have kept me occupied before, Just feels like I'm going through the motions. Just feel irritated by the smallest thing so going to cinema or pub just seems like too much hassle. Can't be doing with any meaningless small talk with people either but do what I need to appear polite. 

 

My jobs pretty straight forward Monday to Friday so have weekends free which is nice. The actual day to day work is fine though don't seem to have enough to do. Really noticing though that people in team are taking liberties, being the only guy in the team I just thought no point in making a deal about it just keep head down but where I have tried to take ownership and said I would train someone which I started to do a colleague took this over saying we would all take part in giving this training but just seems to be her that is doing it. Basically seems like a competition when we are suppose to be working as a team. I will try to speak to my manager about this work situation. 

 

I just don't feel like I have the energy to call out bad stuff when I see it but just bottles up and makes me feel like maybe there is something wrong with me for giving a crap and I can't command respect from people in professional setting. Its not just work, at home I can have a football match on and just stare at the screen not really enjoying it even if not a bad game but feel like there is nothing else I can do at that point.  I can maybe watch a show then at end think I should really be doing something else. Later on in the night I maybe start to settle get into something and it just puts me off going to sleep where it feels like a reset button and starting from bottom of ladder again the next day.

 

I am trying so while prob not sleeping as much as I should I go a bit earlier than before, Go for walks at lunch at work and longer walks at weekend. Trying to eat a bit healthier or at least less unhealthy and less portions. Never really have a proper breakfast maybe a bit of lazyness there but just don't feel hungry at the start of the day. 

 

Not sure exactly how to control this beyond measures I have taken. Work wise I need to speak to my manager about how I am feeling as I do probably come across as quiet and should be taking more ownership but when I do it and the credit seems to be taken by others. I'm not sure though in a work setting how they should be reacting if say I think I am suffering from some sort of depression. Will they listen and nod but ultimately ignore or would they have expected me to have sought medical advise at that point.  Anyway I'm sure there others on here that are having a much worse time and my heart goes out. It just feels like it is not so much a feeling of sadness or regret but like I have forgotten something really important and my brain is doing overtime to work out what it could be but having no answer. 

[Central]

I can definitely relate to what you're saying mate, I feel the same way a lot of the time when watching football etc. Don't really have an answer for you but I enjoy losing myself in a book or on an online forum (not here   ) in my spare time, as it takes me completely out of the situation I am currently in and allows me to focus on something I enjoy. With regards to work I would definitely speak to your boss, I'm in a similar situation again and things within my work piss me off daily but it's always better to get it off your chest.

 

If you need a chat feel free to give me a pm mate.

[DA Baracus]

Been feeling a bit shite sometimes lately. Too frequently for my liking. Have missed quite a few days of work because of it and worried that I could be in bother over that.

Just been feeling shite as I've got nothing going for me. I don't have anything to live for really. I have a dull as f**k job that I have no interest in. Given I don't really have any qualifications just now I can't see a way out of that situation (hoping to star an OU course next year; was going to do it this year but can't afford it). I don't have a girlfriend and don't really have many friends, at least not many I see often (and I'm not blaming them for that). Absolutely skint and in debt trouble again as well, meaning until I get paid at the end of October I have no disposable income, and even then will be probably be using much of that to move (can't take another winter in this flat as it doesn't have heating and the bedroom gets damp, plus large cracks developed in the ceiling and I'm worried it'll fall in in my sleep; I have an electric heater but its expensive to run, especially on the prepaid meter I have, and keeps cutting out). Crushingly lonely at times too. I seem to keep sabotaging myself and my plans for improvement.

Have been to counselling and it helped a bit but now have no more appointments. I've been on medication for over a year now and that has helped too, but still getting periods of feeling shite, like recently.

Punched f**k out of the bathroom door earlier and the front has fallen off. Don't have anything to put it back on with at the moment. Cut my fist up doing it like a fanny.

 

Just struggling really at the moment. Any tips

Edited September 12, 2016 by DA Baracus

[1320Lichtie]

Been feeling a bit shite sometimes lately. Too frequently for my liking. Have missed quite a few days of work because of it and worried that I could be in bother over that.

Just been feeling shite as I've got nothing going for me. I don't have anything to live for really. I have a dull as f**k job that I have no interest in. Given I don't really have any qualifications just now I can't see a way out of that situation. I don't have a girlfriend and don't really have many friends, at least not many I see often (and I'm not blaming them for that). Absolutely skint and in debt trouble again as well, meaning until I get paid at the end of October I have no disposable income, and even then will be probably be using much of that to move (can't take another winter in this flat as it doesn't have heating and the bedroom gets damp, plus large cracks developed in the ceiling and I'm worried it'll fall in on my sleep; I have an electric heater but its expensive to run, especially on the prepaid meter I have, and keeps cutting out). Crushingly lonely at times too. I seem to keep sabotaging myself and my plans for improvement.

Have been to counselling and it helped a bit but now have no more appointments. I've been on medication for over a year now and that has helped too, but still getting periods of feeling shite, like recently.

Just struggling really at the moment. Any tips?

Jesus DA, sounds bad.

Don't know if this will help but after reading that I'd just say f**k it and try something completely new, rip everything up and start again.

Don't know your age or circumstances but would you not even fancy just going to college etc and trying to get into something completely new? Just pack in the job you're doing now and find something else that would let you do that? Would help with the meeting people etc and might give you a wee bit of a boost?

What about just fucking off around the world and seeing what happens, obviously sounds very idealistic but I've known people that have done it with barely any money saved?

I know this is probably extremely unhelpful and maybe a wee bit daft but after reading that it was just what I couldn't stop thinking. If I felt the way you seem to be feeling now I think I'd just say f**k it and try something completely new/different.

Nothing to lose after all. Would say to keep sharing your thoughts on here too, best getting stuff like that off your chest I'd say plus other people will definitely be a much better help than I'm being now.

[Grim O'Grady]

43 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Been feeling a bit shite sometimes lately. Too frequently for my liking. Have missed quite a few days of work because of it and worried that I could be in bother over that.

Just been feeling shite as I've got nothing going for me. I don't have anything to live for really. I have a dull as f**k job that I have no interest in. Given I don't really have any qualifications just now I can't see a way out of that situation (hoping to star an OU course next year; was going to do it this year but can't afford it). I don't have a girlfriend and don't really have many friends, at least not many I see often (and I'm not blaming them for that). Absolutely skint and in debt trouble again as well, meaning until I get paid at the end of October I have no disposable income, and even then will be probably be using much of that to move (can't take another winter in this flat as it doesn't have heating and the bedroom gets damp, plus large cracks developed in the ceiling and I'm worried it'll fall in in my sleep; I have an electric heater but its expensive to run, especially on the prepaid meter I have, and keeps cutting out). Crushingly lonely at times too. I seem to keep sabotaging myself and my plans for improvement.

Have been to counselling and it helped a bit but now have no more appointments. I've been on medication for over a year now and that has helped too, but still getting periods of feeling shite, like recently.

Punched f**k out of the bathroom door earlier and the front has fallen off. Don't have anything to put it back on with at the moment. Cut my fist up doing it like a fanny.

 

Just struggling really at the moment. Any tips

You've got a plan DA, work towards moving flat, that's a great positive mate.

Tell your GP you want to do some exercise to help your physical health & state of mind but because of your financial state you can't afford it & can they help out, have they anything going to get you out & about? 

See if there is any college courses you could do that you would be interested in, you'll meet people.

Are there any self-help groups in your area, meeting up with folk in a similar situation could help you & them? 

Finally you've always got us, ffs. 

Grimbo  

[welshbairn]

56 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Been feeling a bit shite sometimes lately. Too frequently for my liking. Have missed quite a few days of work because of it and worried that I could be in bother over that.

Just been feeling shite as I've got nothing going for me. I don't have anything to live for really. I have a dull as f**k job that I have no interest in. Given I don't really have any qualifications just now I can't see a way out of that situation (hoping to star an OU course next year; was going to do it this year but can't afford it). I don't have a girlfriend and don't really have many friends, at least not many I see often (and I'm not blaming them for that). Absolutely skint and in debt trouble again as well, meaning until I get paid at the end of October I have no disposable income, and even then will be probably be using much of that to move (can't take another winter in this flat as it doesn't have heating and the bedroom gets damp, plus large cracks developed in the ceiling and I'm worried it'll fall in in my sleep; I have an electric heater but its expensive to run, especially on the prepaid meter I have, and keeps cutting out). Crushingly lonely at times too. I seem to keep sabotaging myself and my plans for improvement.

Have been to counselling and it helped a bit but now have no more appointments. I've been on medication for over a year now and that has helped too, but still getting periods of feeling shite, like recently.

Punched f**k out of the bathroom door earlier and the front has fallen off. Don't have anything to put it back on with at the moment. Cut my fist up doing it like a fanny.

 

Just struggling really at the moment. Any tips

Sounds to me that you're reacting as most people would to living in a damp cold flat with a big debt problem and a boring job. I'd prioritise rather than despairing at sorting everything out at once. Start with the flat, either fix it or move. Then renegotiate the debt or go the bankruptcy route. The job and friends situation might improve when you get rid of the stuff that is making you understandably a miserable fucker.

 

[California_Caley]

3 hours ago, wisbit said:

Go jogging

It saved my life

This kind of thing works for me (at least I think it's working). Firstly it's free and (barring the weather) it can usually be fit into any reasonable schedule.  

DA, you didn't mention anything about your diet. If you are eating on the cheap to save money it's possible you may not be eating well. The Scottish way. I've found eating healthier in addition to the aforementioned exercise made me feel a lot better about myself intrinsically.

I also like the advice from welshbairn: manageable changes, in sequence to start with rather than a total overhaul all at once.

Good luck!

[sjc]

Isn't exercise proven to produce "happy hormones"? 

[sjc]

1 minute ago, wisbit said:

 

 

Endorphins, mate.

And yes a healthy body creates a healthy mind.

 

 

That's the terminology I was looking for! You're right though mate, jogging (or most other forms of exercise for that matter) can really get your head back into a place of well being. Like you say, get jogging......gets/keeps the weight off too!

[sjc]

Just now, wisbit said:

 

You saying I'm fat?

 

I know I was until I started jogging!

[Stellaboz]

I know we're both sh*te at talking about serious stuff in person, but I wished we had chatted about this on Sunday whilst knee deep in the bloody Tay (I've got wet feet, I've got wet feet- there's a song in there somewhere....)

I read this earlier and some thoughts flying around, so please forgive me if I act a little strange if it jumps around a little.

First things first- accept that you will feel sh*te sometimes. It's learning how to deal with it that's the issue. I sometimes feel utterly crap still too and instead of drinking like I used to, I now munch chocolate and sweet things, or try really hard to distract myself. Usually both. My moods go up and down depending on small little things that happen and I can accept that I will feel low sometimes- it's a great start to coping with mental problems. You know most if not all the bollox I've dealt with before- if a wee pr*ck like me can cope then an awesome c*nt like you definitely can.

Secondly- as hard as it might be sometimes, really try and go into work each day. I'm aware that it is dull and boring but right now, it's your main source of income and if you lose that, you're even more f*cked. You'll end up back at your parents at square one again with no chance of a job being in Saline etc. So really try and push through it in the mornings and keep reminding yourself it's a long term plan and this is sh*tty stage one. Mind, if you need a hand to move your stuff I can come and help.

Thirdly- as harsh as it sounds just forget the whole girlfriend thing at the moment. Anyone worth bothering your a*se over (i.e. not mentalist types!) will be able to detect some of the stuff at the moment. I don't know how, but they do. Fix yourself first and that sh*t will come. For an ugly hoor, you're a good looking c*nt. Don't ever quote me on that!

Fourthly (??)- keep up that running you were doing. Aye, inclines are a b*tch. F*cking push through it. Losing weight and feeling better doesn't come without it's own pain in my view, although I know it's tough with your ankle. Do you still have a bike? If not, maybe I can ask Judy to lend you hers that's in our shed at the moment as I don't use it. If running isn't your thing, maybe cycling or swimming is. You definitely need to get baw deep in some good cardio though, so many benefits from it.

 

Kind of need to f*ck off to work now but there's loads more that I could write. I've a load of books you could try borrow. Whatever sounds cheesy in feeling better though- it normally works to some degree. We're all different and we all have ways of coping with depression to whatever degree we have it- it's about trying as many techniques as possible until you know how to deal with it- once you've got that it's amazing how much luck and good things will start to happen. I've also got a bunch of stuff from before I came back to Aberdeen, from some course I did at Lauder about mental health and how to deal with it etc. I've kept them as I have to try remind myself of the good stuff- mental health is something that needs constantly worked out too and it's knowing what work out to use.

 

We're all worried about you. I know for a fact you can talk to Judy whenever you want as she desperately wants to help if she can, even with burd advice! What she knows about pulling burds though, I'm not sure.... But seriously I know all of us are worried (you know who I mean) and if we can help I know we will. That's why we've done hill walking etc recently, it's great to get out and do something different. Won't be able to for the next 4 weeks but will be back to it after that!

Text me, call or whatever if you feel you're feeling like that again. Or I'll do to you what you did to that door

[D.A.F.C]

I've worked in some horrendously tedious and boring jobs before and the way I managed to cope was just doing the absolute best I could in that role and being really professional. At the end of the day at least you can go home and say you've done your best and made a difference and your colleagues will likely be on your side too as their life will be easier. 

Fill up spare time with exercise, just try walking if you're not fit. Once you get fitter try five a side or a team sport.

I dont know what it was but one day I just said f**k it and started exercising. From having not run for years or done any exercise I just gradually built it up doing various things. The easiest and quickest way for me was getting an exercise bike. It's very easy to join a gym then come up with excuses and not go. If you have a bike in your house you can do half an hour easily while listening to music or reading a book. It's not really a chore.

Six months of doing that plus eating decent food and I can guarantee you would feel more positive.

pretty sure as others have said there's money available to help people get regular exercise, the pars could do with a set piece coach...

 

Sorry if this comes across as happy flappy bollocks but I've been really down before and still am at times. Exercise definitely helped, no question.

 

 

[NorthernJambo]

Been feeling a bit shite sometimes lately. Too frequently for my liking. Have missed quite a few days of work because of it and worried that I could be in bother over that.

Just been feeling shite as I've got nothing going for me. I don't have anything to live for really. I have a dull as f**k job that I have no interest in. Given I don't really have any qualifications just now I can't see a way out of that situation (hoping to star an OU course next year; was going to do it this year but can't afford it). I don't have a girlfriend and don't really have many friends, at least not many I see often (and I'm not blaming them for that). Absolutely skint and in debt trouble again as well, meaning until I get paid at the end of October I have no disposable income, and even then will be probably be using much of that to move (can't take another winter in this flat as it doesn't have heating and the bedroom gets damp, plus large cracks developed in the ceiling and I'm worried it'll fall in in my sleep; I have an electric heater but its expensive to run, especially on the prepaid meter I have, and keeps cutting out). Crushingly lonely at times too. I seem to keep sabotaging myself and my plans for improvement.

Have been to counselling and it helped a bit but now have no more appointments. I've been on medication for over a year now and that has helped too, but still getting periods of feeling shite, like recently.

Punched f**k out of the bathroom door earlier and the front has fallen off. Don't have anything to put it back on with at the moment. Cut my fist up doing it like a fanny.

 

Just struggling really at the moment. Any tips

DA, how long you been living alone? I've been on my own about year now and f*ck me there was some lows at the start. Got a few mates stay close by and that but after 4 years living with a bird, the last two with a couple of wee cats, it definitely wasn't easy. Quite a few dark times and a lot of contemplating "how did I f*ck everything up" and "what's the point in carrying on".
I joined a gym, just an excuse to get out the house and do something rather than a crazy fitness effort. Helped me a lot. Still times where the darkness creeps in but usually when it does I'll either try getting stuck in to a book or stick on some music/podcasts. Podcasts really helped as well actually. Listening to folk having a laugh and that sounds like it'd make it worse but I found myself laughing along.
Still finding myself drinking too much/often at weekends and not being that wealthy its having more of an impact than just a hangover. I rarely drink through the week but fairly hammer it most weekends. Definitely doesn't help the mental health.

[Adam]

DA, my biggest piece of advice would be keeping in touch with Stellaboz, he seems like an absolute top friend and someone who is 100% on your side. Even if you don't live nearby keep in touch regularly (as going by what he's said on here, he's more than happy to help you out however he can).

Money isn't everything. Due to a change in circumstances with me, I'm cutting my cloth accordingly. I've started going for a walk in the evening after work when I can, I've spent more time with friends I lost touch with, or at least didn't see much, and read quite a bit too.

If you're a reader, join your library, read something that isn't your typical genre, it might be a load of bollocks or it might be the beginning of something you love for years to come.

Eating well (as has been said) is a must. I've just done my weekly budget for food, and lunch included for work, I reckon I can spend £40 and eat very healthily, rather than munching on chips and processed chicken for the same cost.

Going by what you've posted on here before you obviously have issues controlling your money. Is there not a friend you can ask to have some of your cash each month? I sometimes get my Mum to keep £100 each month for me for when I'm desperately in need of it. I have also started to keep a daily diary of what I spend and on what, and I get a sense of satisfaction when I know I've spent less than the previous day.

Edit: didn't mean to send that then. Anyway, know you have people around you, and don't bottle things up or leather f**k out of your bathroom door, even if it does make you feel better. Talk things through.

And Stellaboz is right about work, it might just be my experience, but even if I feel shite about myself, I always feel slightly better if I've gone to work when I've felt this way, otherwise I just sit at home feeling guilty that I'm not there.

Good luck mate and if you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to PM me.