Bighairycoo Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 Out for a walk on the beach. The missus says "when the tide goes out, where does the water go?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bighairycoo Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 The missus. "Is a lunar eclipse when the sun goes in front of the moon?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bighairycoo Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 On 08/09/2010 at 18:06, stimpy said: While lying in bed one morning after a nightshift, "Don't think you can lie there all day just because you've been up all night". This was years ago and I still cast it up remorselessly. My missus is a wee bit like that. Used to get a list of jobs cos I would be in the house all day after a night shift!! Ffs 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 Letter arrived to me earlier regarding some qualification I now have. Said to wife “look, I now have some letters after my name”. Wife asks “Are they C U N T?” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Lol. Doesn't she realise you're already a c**t? It’s nice to have such respect from the family. At least the dog likes me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Lol. Doesn't she realise you're already a c**t? She does, just hopes that it’s been made official. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Browsing IMDb and notice it's Robert Louis Stevenson's birthday. Me: What did he write then? Her: Winnie the Pooh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Wife: "What are you doing" Me: "Checking the Dunfermline score2 Wife: "What is the score?" Me: "1-1" Wife "Who to?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 1 minute ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Maybe she was just commenting on her favourite Rawandan ethnic group. Does she go about muttering "god damn you, Tutsi" I really don't think she'd know her Tutsi from her Hutu. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 2 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: I really don't think she'd know her Tutsi from her Hutu. Try going for the wrong one and she'll soon develop strong views. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Wife: "What are you doing" Me: "Checking the Dunfermline score2 Wife: "What is the score?" Me: "1-1" Wife "Who to?" Evidence Mrs Par is smarter than she lets on (by living with you). She’s so fed up of your shite she doesn’t listen to you anymore, smart move one. She feigns interest in your interests to keep you paying bills, smart move 2. She knows the pars are shite so assumes they’re losing (smart move 3) but because she hasn’t actually listened to you and isn’t actually interested she’s not noted you’ve actually said it’s 1-1. I like Mrs Par. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Just now, NJ2 said: Evidence Mrs Par is smarter than she lets on (by living with you). She’s so fed up of your shite she doesn’t listen to you anymore, smart move one. She feigns interest in your interests to keep you paying bills, smart move 2. She knows the pars are shite so assumes they’re losing (smart move 3) but because she hasn’t actually listened to you and isn’t actually interested she’s not noted you’ve actually said it’s 1-1. I like Mrs Par. Spookily accurate stuff. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Spookily accurate stuff. Anyone having been in a long term relationship has been there. Only the smart amongst us realise. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 35 minutes ago, NJ2 said: Anyone having been in a long term relationship has been there. Only the smart amongst us realise. Tru dat bro, tru dat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Me to a girl in a rental flat: "Are you keeping a moped in the tenement stair" Her reply: "No, we keep all our mops and other cleaning equipment in the flat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Marly Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Wife: "What are you doing" Me: "Checking the Dunfermline score2 Wife: "What is the score?" Me: "1-1" Wife "Who to C U N T?" FTFY 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Just been asked why Everton are playing an American team (Atalanta if you're on catch up). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Just been asked why Everton are playing an American team (Atalanta if you're on catch up). Just reply “europa league game” and I bet she’s fine with it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Just now, NJ2 said: Just reply “europa league game” and I bet she’s fine with it. No, I asked her to think about it, what continent do Everton play in and another couple of hints didn't help. To be fair, I was going to watch it on my laptop but she put it on the TV so I shouldn't grumble. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 (edited) I once spent a long and painful evening trying to explain to my USAian darling how it could be that David Beckham was allowed to play for Manchester United AND England. Surely he should have to pick between one or the other. She never really did get the concept. Fast forward several years and the fanfare around him signing for L.A. Galaxy. "Does he still play for England?" asked the light of my life. "No, he's done with that now." I replied. I had no idea of the trap I into which I had just walked. Edited November 23, 2017 by Shotgun 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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