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Earlier today a bunch of us were chatting while waiting on a conference call to start. Among other things, we were discussing a colleague who completed 2 Iron Man competitions this year. Somebody commented that they had no idea he did that sort of thing and someone else replied "Oh yeah, he's an absolute beast."

I had to put my phone on mute for a short while.

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15 hours ago, Shotgun said:

Earlier today a bunch of us were chatting while waiting on a conference call to start. Among other things, we were discussing a colleague who completed 2 Iron Man competitions this year. Somebody commented that they had no idea he did that sort of thing and someone else replied "Oh yeah, he's an absolute beast."

I had to put my phone on mute for a short while.

I think the "Beast" term on P+B was originally an ironic rift on tabloid hysteria about paedophilia. Post Saville the irony bit has lost its force a bit.

 

Edited by welshbairn
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Gormless Dundee fan with no language skills or common sense goes to Italy and makes an absolute c**t of himself. Available on the  'Milan' thread in the Travel sub-forum, but this pitiful tale really merits a larger audience:

18 hours ago, Ludo*1 said:

Here's a post I posted in the Seria A thread back in May. I travelled to Milan via Bergamo Airport too, I don't know how helpful it will be to you and I apologise for the spacing, it's not copied over correctly, but yeah:

 

So yeah, Milan is an absolute shitehole. I'd advise before going that try and know a bit of the language, or you could end up like me without Internet and unable to find my hotel for about 5 hours on my first day.

 

Now the story I'm going to tell here is going to make me sound like a naive, stupid moron and that's partly because I am and partly because I was completely out of my element.

 

I flew with Ryanair, this was all done on a budget - all I had was the €200 and that was without having purchased tickets for the AC Milan vs Roma game.

 

Anyways - get to the airport (Edinburgh) - hand over my ticket and told it is incorrect. Go to the ticket desk and query, they sort it out but I'm £50 lighter already as apparently we made a mistake with our email address (Despite receiving several emails from them after placing order) and as such I couldn't get sorted unless I paid that fee. That'll definitely be getting looked into as I feel I was shafted but that's another story.

 

So, first day, I didn't have a chance to prepare as after the flight to Bergamo (Which is a 50 minute bus journey from Milan)I purchased a ticket to take me to Milan to find my hotel. No Internet and a complete lack of Italian language meant it took us 5 hours to find the hotel. Thankfully, a helpful pedestrian put us out of our misery by showing us in detail without us speaking each others language of how to use the tram.

 

We then got to the Enterprise Hotel, which is a 4 star hotel and absolutely beautiful in the Corso Sempione area. The area wasn't the best, quite rundown, but at no point did I feel unsafe, just an area that had fell on hard times.

 

Anyways, the hotel receptionist advised us that we would be unlikely to get tickets for the game as it was a 'big game' but he could sort something out for a fee and would be in touch later. We knew he was an absolute chancer, but it still put more than a little bit of fear that we'd miss out on where we wanted to be.

 

Through broken English and quite helpful translation/Google maps through the hotel wifi we mastered the tram and underground systems, but only after wandering about failing to find the San Siro for an hour and a half later that night. Defeated, we called it a day and decided we'd settle in the area and improve upon our pathetic attempts of getting things done.

 

Day of the game came and with still no tickets we set out in search of the San Siro. After a quick chat with a local we were advised that our best chance to get a ticket was from the Milan superstore, about 4-5 mile from the stadium and 2-3 mile from the hotel. We decided to walk to try and explore Milan whilst we were at it, after getting lost for an hour and a 17 stop tram journey later, we were told that the shop didn't stock tickets and we'd have better luck at the museum. Another complete waste of half a day in search for the golden tickets.

 

Alas we finally made it to the museum which has a store as well and procured our priceless tickets for €40. Success, at last.

 

We decided to check out the stadium which was about a mile away, so had a stroll along. Now it's at this point of my story (If you've managed to read thus far) that I need to go into extreme detail as I will portray myself as an utter moron here, which is true, because I absolutely was, but there were a couple of mitigating factors, that said, I should've known better and not been a complete and utter buffoon. So as we are strolling along to the stadium about 6 hours from kick-off, there's barely a person in sight around this majestic old stadium. There's about 10 police officers and several stalls selling merchandise and food but other than that there's only about 20-30 people in this massive area. I tend to normally avoid 'charity case's' but this guy ran over and asked us to sign a petition over something which I can't quite recall, out of politeness, we agreed and they then asked for a donation. Looking at the list, they had received donations in the region of €30-40 a pop, we gave them 50 cents each emoji38.png and quickly moved on but they seemed happy enough.

 

A few moments later, a black gentleman approached us, we rejected his advances, he put out a fist asking for a fist bump which I duly delivered. He asked me where we were from, I replied Scotland. He said he couldn't believe we had travelled all that way and that he sold these string bracelets in AC Milan colours (Having done my research since I realise a few may know exactly where this is going - unfortunately at the time, I hadn't a clue other than that something was suspect) but that since we'd travelled to the game from Scotland he'd give us one for free to signify our bond with an African brother. My mate instantly asked, 'how much?' and he was consistently reassured it was free as another man came from nowhere and took care of him. I then reluctantly agreed as he had already took my wrist by that time and was tying this bit of string round my wrist. I'd like to labour the point that he was saying it was for free. As soon as the band was on, he said 'so how much would you like to donate to Africa?' feeling obligated, I forked over €5 expecting change only to be told 'more, come on'. I laughed, he didn't. I then exclaimed I've not got that. He said, 'more' in a more threatening tone. I turned round to my mate to see it had escalated to the point of him refusing to hand over anything as they said it was for free, the scammer then got aggressive saying he'd call his friends and have us taken care of.

 

I'd like to take a new paragraph to state this was all done within about 12 yards of the police.

 

My mate said the police were there and he was not giving him a penny - this made him aggressive and he was screaming 'f**k you and f**k policia, watch your back you'll know what happens'. The police didn't bat an eyelid, I was getting ready to defend myself as it was escalating to that point before the one that I had dealt with ushered his friend away.

 

It was only after that I found out that I'd made the stupid as f**k mistake that I hadn't looked at the note I handed over, simply assuming that I had handed over €5 as it was blue, like a fiver that I realised it was instead €20. What a fucking catalogue of errors. To top it all off, I went and sat on a bench just after the confrontation to try and digest the fact I'd been made a complete supper, and realised I'd leaned against a full daddy whopper of bird shite which was now spread across my back.

 

The only saving grace at this point was that I had my tickets. I had hurt my pride as I didn't realise I could be such a daft idiot, but as soon as I entered the stadium all that was forgotten about. I can't describe how phenomenal it is and a few shoddy pictures of it (See below) won't do it justice either. It is by far the best stadium I've been too and whilst I don't hold a stellar record of top grounds that I've attended, I can comfortably say that it's better than the likes of Old Trafford and Man City's stadium.

 

The San Siro is described as an 'ugly, dated stadium' at times. I seen none of that, other than a general grimey look, that a lot of Milan possesses, it was still a magnificent structure. Breathtaking to look at if only due to the sheer size. We were sitting in the rafters but still had an incredible view (Again, see below) and the noise the Milan fans made was sensational.

 

There seems to be a lot more respect in Italian football which surprised me. Totti was the best example of this, as Milan's Ultras unveiled a sign which roughly translated as 'The South stands in tribute to our rival Francesco Totti'. When Roma sang 'un captain' in reference to Totti (who never made it on the pitch) the Milan crowd applauded. Despite getting humped and it could have been several more (The AC Milan defence were catastrophic, as was the keeper's general play although he pulled off a few exceptional saves) they did not boo instead they whistled their disapproval. It'd never take on in Scotland but sure beats a boo. emoji38.png

 

Despite the diving, and mad atmosphere you'd expect at a Serie A game there seemed to be a hell of a lot more respect between the fans than you'd get at Scotland. They sold beer the American Baseball method of having men come round asking if anyone wanted one and despite having an away sections, Roma fans and Milan fans sat beside each other, cheering and singing without an ounce of disrespect.

 

A memorable moment was spotting an ultra, topless, facing away from the pitch, clearly steaming drunk, leading the fans sing song all the while standing perched over the barrier facing a good 20 ft drop whilst jumping up and down in merriment.

 

It was a cracking night and one that'll live with me forever, despite the absolute shambles before it caused by myself, it more than made up for it. With a little more planning, a little more luck, and a little more time I'd have enjoyed Milan as a whole a lot more. As it was, I received a great life experience even if things were a bit shit in terms of the general area that we were located, but that's all part of the experience and I'd definitely go again and make a better fist of it with that experience behind me.

 

Finally - I don't blame anyone if they decide not to read that as it's a full blown rambling as I just typed as I remembered it whilst still fresh in the memory. So if you don't care about my time there, I apologise and hope a few pictures will serve slightly better!

 

It's a wonder that Ludo*1 is allowed to go to the shop never mind a foreign country without supervision.

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Gormless Dundee fan with no language skills or common sense goes to Italy and makes an absolute c**t of himself. Available on the  'Milan' thread in the Travel sub-forum, but this pitiful tale really merits a larger audience:
It's a wonder that Ludo*1 is allowed to go to the shop never mind a foreign country without supervision.


Top banter.
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Admirable candour and funny as f**k. Bring a map next time though and don't talk to strangers offering gifts. [emoji38]


Indeed, it was a bit of a nightmare on my part and I'd woefully not prepared for the trip.
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Where are the pics?


In the Italian Football thread when I originally posted it about 5 month ago. I've got a new phone and don't have them on this one, or would have reposted those as well.
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1 minute ago, throbber said:

Did you get scammed into the back of a Tuk Tuk in Bangkok? 

No, managed to avoid it thankfully. A guy did try outside the Grand Palace, but he got swiftly telt, in part thanks to the wise words of my P&B bretheren. Did get a Tuk Tuk of our own accord one of the days, was good fun, cheap as chips as well.

Bangkok is a tremendous place.

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3 minutes ago, throbber said:

Where are the pics?

 

On 09/05/2017 at 00:21, Ludo*1 said:

So yeah, Milan is an absolute shitehole. I'd advise before going that try and know a bit of the language, or you could end up like me without Internet and unable to find my hotel for about 5 hours on my first day.

 

Now the story I'm going to tell here is going to make me sound like a naive, stupid moron and that's partly because I am and partly because I was completely out of my element.

 

I flew with Ryanair, this was all done on a budget - all I had was the €200 and that was without having purchased tickets for the AC Milan vs Roma game.

 

Anyways - get to the airport (Edinburgh) - hand over my ticket and told it is incorrect. Go to the ticket desk and query, they sort it out but I'm £50 lighter already as apparently we made a mistake with our email address (Despite receiving several emails from them after placing order) and as such I couldn't get sorted unless I paid that fee. That'll definitely be getting looked into as I feel I was shafted but that's another story.

 

So, first day, I didn't have a chance to prepare as after the flight to Bergamo (Which is a 50 minute bus journey from Milan)I purchased a ticket to take me to Milan to find my hotel. No Internet and a complete lack of Italian language meant it took us 5 hours to find the hotel. Thankfully, a helpful pedestrian put us out of our misery by showing us in detail without us speaking each others language of how to use the tram.

 

We then got to the Enterprise Hotel, which is a 4 star hotel and absolutely beautiful in the Corso Sempione area. The area wasn't the best, quite rundown, but at no point did I feel unsafe, just an area that had fell on hard times.

 

Anyways, the hotel receptionist advised us that we would be unlikely to get tickets for the game as it was a 'big game' but he could sort something out for a fee and would be in touch later. We knew he was an absolute chancer, but it still put more than a little bit of fear that we'd miss out on where we wanted to be.

 

Through broken English and quite helpful translation/Google maps through the hotel wifi we mastered the tram and underground systems, but only after wandering about failing to find the San Siro for an hour and a half later that night. Defeated, we called it a day and decided we'd settle in the area and improve upon our pathetic attempts of getting things done.

 

Day of the game came and with still no tickets we set out in search of the San Siro. After a quick chat with a local we were advised that our best chance to get a ticket was from the Milan superstore, about 4-5 mile from the stadium and 2-3 mile from the hotel. We decided to walk to try and explore Milan whilst we were at it, after getting lost for an hour and a 17 stop tram journey later, we were told that the shop didn't stock tickets and we'd have better luck at the museum. Another complete waste of half a day in search for the golden tickets.

 

Alas we finally made it to the museum which has a store as well and procured our priceless tickets for €40. Success, at last.

 

We decided to check out the stadium which was about a mile away, so had a stroll along. Now it's at this point of my story (If you've managed to read thus far) that I need to go into extreme detail as I will portray myself as an utter moron here, which is true, because I absolutely was, but there were a couple of mitigating factors, that said, I should've known better and not been a complete and utter buffoon. So as we are strolling along to the stadium about 6 hours from kick-off, there's barely a person in sight around this majestic old stadium. There's about 10 police officers and several stalls selling merchandise and food but other than that there's only about 20-30 people in this massive area. I tend to normally avoid 'charity case's' but this guy ran over and asked us to sign a petition over something which I can't quite recall, out of politeness, we agreed and they then asked for a donation. Looking at the list, they had received donations in the region of €30-40 a pop, we gave them 50 cents each emoji38.png and quickly moved on but they seemed happy enough.

 

A few moments later, a black gentleman approached us, we rejected his advances, he put out a fist asking for a fist bump which I duly delivered. He asked me where we were from, I replied Scotland. He said he couldn't believe we had travelled all that way and that he sold these string bracelets in AC Milan colours (Having done my research since I realise a few may know exactly where this is going - unfortunately at the time, I hadn't a clue other than that something was suspect) but that since we'd travelled to the game from Scotland he'd give us one for free to signify our bond with an African brother. My mate instantly asked, 'how much?' and he was consistently reassured it was free as another man came from nowhere and took care of him. I then reluctantly agreed as he had already took my wrist by that time and was tying this bit of string round my wrist. I'd like to labour the point that he was saying it was for free. As soon as the band was on, he said 'so how much would you like to donate to Africa?' feeling obligated, I forked over €5 expecting change only to be told 'more, come on'. I laughed, he didn't. I then exclaimed I've not got that. He said, 'more' in a more threatening tone. I turned round to my mate to see it had escalated to the point of him refusing to hand over anything as they said it was for free, the scammer then got aggressive saying he'd call his friends and have us taken care of.

 

I'd like to take a new paragraph to state this was all done within about 12 yards of the police.

 

My mate said the police were there and he was not giving him a penny - this made him aggressive and he was screaming 'f**k you and f**k policia, watch your back you'll know what happens'. The police didn't bat an eyelid, I was getting ready to defend myself as it was escalating to that point before the one that I had dealt with ushered his friend away.

 

It was only after that I found out that I'd made the stupid as f**k mistake that I hadn't looked at the note I handed over, simply assuming that I had handed over €5 as it was blue, like a fiver that I realised it was instead €20. What a fucking catalogue of errors. To top it all off, I went and sat on a bench just after the confrontation to try and digest the fact I'd been made a complete supper, and realised I'd leaned against a full daddy whopper of bird shite which was now spread across my back.

 

The only saving grace at this point was that I had my tickets. I had hurt my pride as I didn't realise I could be such a daft idiot, but as soon as I entered the stadium all that was forgotten about. I can't describe how phenomenal it is and a few shoddy pictures of it (See below) won't do it justice either. It is by far the best stadium I've been too and whilst I don't hold a stellar record of top grounds that I've attended, I can comfortably say that it's better than the likes of Old Trafford and Man City's stadium.

 

The San Siro is described as an 'ugly, dated stadium' at times. I seen none of that, other than a general grimey look, that a lot of Milan possesses, it was still a magnificent structure. Breathtaking to look at if only due to the sheer size. We were sitting in the rafters but still had an incredible view (Again, see below) and the noise the Milan fans made was sensational.

 

There seems to be a lot more respect in Italian football which surprised me. Totti was the best example of this, as Milan's Ultras unveiled a sign which roughly translated as 'The South stands in tribute to our rival Francesco Totti'. When Roma sang 'un captain' in reference to Totti (who never made it on the pitch) the Milan crowd applauded. Despite getting humped and it could have been several more (The AC Milan defence were catastrophic, as was the keeper's general play although he pulled off a few exceptional saves) they did not boo instead they whistled their disapproval. It'd never take on in Scotland but sure beats a boo. emoji38.png

 

Despite the diving, and mad atmosphere you'd expect at a Serie A game there seemed to be a hell of a lot more respect between the fans than you'd get at Scotland. They sold beer the American Baseball method of having men come round asking if anyone wanted one and despite having an away sections, Roma fans and Milan fans sat beside each other, cheering and singing without an ounce of disrespect.

 

A memorable moment was spotting an ultra, topless, facing away from the pitch, clearly steaming drunk, leading the fans sing song all the while standing perched over the barrier facing a good 20 ft drop whilst jumping up and down in merriment.

 

It was a cracking night and one that'll live with me forever, despite the absolute shambles before it caused by myself, it more than made up for it. With a little more planning, a little more luck, and a little more time I'd have enjoyed Milan as a whole a lot more. As it was, I received a great life experience even if things were a bit shit in terms of the general area that we were located, but that's all part of the experience and I'd definitely go again and make a better fist of it with that experience behind me.

 

Finally - I don't blame anyone if they decide not to read that as it's a full blown rambling as I just typed as I remembered it whilst still fresh in the memory. So if you don't care about my time there, I apologise and hope a few pictures will serve slightly better!

 

fae33f2c3a45e29b8beef945d97d1e53.jpg

 

6699285ca45bc68ff15338e943b930cb.jpg

 

373edb106361782ef77263bf331ea0df.jpg

 

 

 

On 09/05/2017 at 00:22, Ludo*1 said:

f6b68204742fc3a8584a86c6980a7c44.jpg

7ece1e592b2d4caa23396873d782e2b0.jpg

 

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No, managed to avoid it thankfully. A guy did try outside the Grand Palace, but he got swiftly telt, in part thanks to the wise words of my P&B bretheren. Did get a Tuk Tuk of our own accord one of the days, was good fun, cheap as chips as well.
Bangkok is a tremendous place.


Yeah I know it’s great, I can sympathise with ludo’s position as these sort of people pray off naive looming tourists. Everyone has suffered similar in a foreign country when out exploring.
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