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2 minutes ago, DI Bruce Robertson said:

Just got a notification from Tripadvisor. Back story is that I joined to give a review in a bar I was in, at the request of the bar tender, apparently they get kudos for good reviews & the two people I mentioned by name are indeed great barman for whom nothing is too much trouble. I vaguely remember that every username I tried to use was already taken.
The reply I received from the manager began.

Dear turnoffthegas,

You need a thesaurus, 3 "excellents" in 30 words is too much. 

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Just now, Stellaboz said:

It's all the choobs that simply have to be seem with their Costa or Starfucks in their hand. Uni was full of these wankers too including some lecturers.

I've seen arseholes prancing about with tiny takeaway espresso cups. What is the point?

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Is a Costa cup a fashion statement now? Would have thought people would be clambering to get their coffees from super-trendy alternative coffee shops. The types with the steamed up windows and look of disdain when you mix up a long black with an Americano.

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1 hour ago, Tynieness said:

Dropped the weans at school and was disgusted to see the amounts of arseholes carrying coffee cups.  

Really, can you not wait twenty minutes for your caffeine fixes you pretentious c***s.

Also heard one posh cow tell her cherub to make good choices.  f**k off.

Everybody got choices..

 

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1 hour ago, Tynieness said:

Dropped the weans at school and was disgusted to see the amounts of arseholes carrying coffee cups.  

Really, can you not wait twenty minutes for your caffeine fixes you pretentious c***s.

Also heard one posh cow tell her cherub to make good choices.  f**k off.

^^^^ Tells his kids to make bad choices.  :(

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Been reminded of a wonderful act of petty revenge I played out about a decade ago. Gather round, children, for a tall tale...

I met this guy, who ended up becoming my best pal, when I was in 3rd year. He was a mate of a mate and none of our classes were together so we only started hanging round toward the end of 4th year but, when practically everyone else I knew was into either dance music or stale indie drivel he enjoyed the punk music I listened to so we started hanging out more. Started a band together and, when he moved back to the area when he quit uni, we got a flat together with the other guys in the band and even started a Sunday league team together.

Then he quit the band out of the blue but, a few weeks later, I got a call to say we were getting kicked out the flat as we were three months behind on the rent. I'd been paying my share and it all came out that he hadn't paid any rent for six months. He'd actually lost his job and was leaving for "work" each day and then climbing in his bedroom window and then climbing back out to come home from "work" through the front door. Even then I just kinda felt sorry for him rather than being angry until, one night, he was off to a gig when I had to work and took my missus, and had tried it on with her in my absence. Never spoke to him again. Apart from one text message...

...y'see he was a huge Harry Potter fan. He read all the books as soon as they came out. He even read the first book a few weeks after its original release. He couldn't get enough of them. Fair enough. I always found grown adults becoming this excited by children's literature odd but each to their own.

So on the night that the final installment of that series came out I was in the pub and walking home and went past TESCO. I jumped in for a sandwich or a Kit Kat or something and realised there was still a few people buying copies seeing it was officially released at midnight. So I bought a copy, skim read bits here and there, but sat down and read the last few chapters to get all the information I needed. I knew he was a slow reader and it would be impossible for him to even half finish it even if he had been reading non-stop since midnight.

So I texted him all the spoilers. Letting him know who died, who killed who, who ends up married to whoever and whatever else I could think of.

Then, years later, his team died :D

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54 minutes ago, 8MileBU said:

 


Oi you! F**k all wrong with having your morning coffee on the school run, especially if you've been running around trying to get them ready for school and you're then going straight to work!

Can't say I've ever taken my coffee into the school grounds mind you...

 

Coffee cup full of mince type post.

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23 hours ago, Tynieness said:

Just walked past a fella in Bathgate who had a parrot on his shoulder.

Even better was when he started running with the poor creature flying above him with its lead on.

Yup it's Bathgate...

He lives at Old Well Court and regularly walks past my Mrs work with said parrot.

He also has a chameleon but it's more difficult to spot.

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Oh look, here's the fat fantasist taking his fingers out the chips n cheese for a second [emoji1]
 
ETA: Didn't you claim to have shagged a hunchback?

Compared to what you've 'claimed' on here that's quite meh.
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