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I've got no desire to meet you either you stupid old c**t. Fucking meow.

Sammon doesn't half cop a lot of flack despite performing more than adequately since signing - it's almost like his reputation precedes him. He serves a purpose for the team, offers a target to work off and puts in a shift. Storey has played a grand total 140 minutes and has already been labelled as "shite" by the oracles. Like any striker, he's going to require time and a run of games to find any sort of form. McGinn hasn't even played a minute yet and has been written off. The kind of start that we had, fixture wise, was always likely to be tough and was even likelier to draw out the mouth-breathers. Lord knows what that collection of lobotomy recipients on Facebook think about it. We've so far played one team who most realists would expect us to be around come the end of the season and were only a few minutes away from beating them on their own patch. If we had so far been unable to pick up points against rival teams in the way Dundee and Killie have failed to, I'd be far more concerned.

Tied with 4 points at 56th we have a similar range of posters. Here they are: @heedthebaa, @xbl, @Bigmouth Strikes Again, @Lambie's Pigeon Feed, @Cardinal Richelieu, @tree house tam, @Granny Danger, @LordHawHaw, @King Kebab, @Tartantony, @Dudu Dahan pal, @the_saints_are_coming, @Al666, @wunfellaff, @1320Lichtie, @Monster and @SlipperyP Here is an assortment of quotes about these posters in no particular order: "For thinking keeping a window open during hurricane Bawbag makes you interesting." "Never been sure how such a permaseething mess has been so liked." "can't even post a fucking letter for f**k sake never mind something decent on here." "Some folk like him because he's a weird creep who has a bunch of oddball porn saved on his computer. It's 2017 folks, you can find that via Google instead of relying on a reprobate East Fife fan. Also, he overuses exclamation marks all the time!!!!!" "SSB Phone in Celtic thicko" "The Hibs are sound but he's an absolute moron and was a dreadful poster." "a fully grown Manchild that shouldn't be allowed to use sharp implements unsupervised let alone reproduce. Had to be talked down from his homemade gallows after a pre christmas defeat to Dundee Utd." "regularly stank the forum out with his pish although not really surprising as he lived in a bin." Here we see a broad spectrum of P&B's history. The notorious xbl and his fondness for the "averagey looking cocktease" which surely ranks amongst the worst collection of words it's possible to write. Although he's before my time I'm somewhat certain he ate a lot of Wotsits, although I may be confusing PerthshireBell's posts with reality. More recently Slippery's tales of dog and dad slaughter rival throbber in the Walter Mitty stakes. I look forward to the abuse I get enjoyed with a cold beer and 30 degree heat in the sun zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz We see an assortment of Dundee-based grassing, with [REDACTED] being responsible for [REDACTED] after he [REDACTED] and got [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] banned, although as is so often the case with P&B, we can proudly say the people know the truth. I should also point out that Granny Danger should be much higher on this list, perhaps receiving a point for every time he's mentioned that he's old or that he owns his own business. If nothing else, an aged gentleman offering someone a square go over the internet deserves all the ridicule it gets. Biggie's conversation with his cat over the last pages is similar. And I bet Biggie will be raging he has the same amount of points as his favourite St. Johnstone poster. Into the world of Irishness now and it's hard surely to be one of the Hibs m9s and be voted here, our thoughts go out to the memory of HB75. AI666 is like a bot that's programmed to spurt out the most evil, right wing propaganda possible, despite some entrants to come on this list there have been few contributors to the political forum as consistently vile. 1320Lichtie would probably have won a lot more votes in the past, although defending noted racist Dave Whelan, supporting every team in the country at some point and the food he has the fucking nerve to snapchat people with can't go unmentioned. Tartantony is no doubt more known to some of the Rangers fans on here, so I await Kinky to pass comment after his latest round of Toilet Duck. While Wunfellaff is before my time too and I only know him through his morbid obsession with the Dead Pool threads, he lives in a bin and was last banned for mocking a (former P&B poster) Dundee United fan who killed himself. Genuinely awful stuff. My last comment goes to King Kebab, and in fact my last comment goes to Terry Pratchett. Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind.

Probably. Thank you.

Where the f**k have you been for the last three days? Thank you.

You just press 'get in the sea', like what I did.

Via Aberdeen Away Days on Twitter:

My slide down the leagues continues. I went through friday's quiz thinking 'I don't know many of these' hoped my guessometer would be on fire. Turns out it was broke, not just broke but monumentally fucked! A first...........

Has your cat had enough of your shite?

How can you respect what are now contradictory wishes? Also, I don't believe waiting a "few years" for things to get worse is viable. Allowing a shite situation to become normalized makes it all the harder to claw back later. The SNP also do have a shelf life, and once they are out of government - how long then until they return? How much damage must Brexit and the Tories be allowed to do to Scotland before we decide enough water is under the bridge? Personally I think the right thing to do is offer up the referendum once the terms of Brexit are known, and definitely before 2021. It's the last certain point we'll be able to have one.

Honest to f**k, there have been some depraved things revealed on here, but this is right up there with standing up to wipe and people who brush their teeth in the shower.

Fair enough then if that's what you really want...I should stress that these are my personal recollections of the sequence of events and as such are Maryhill-centric, although I imagine they'll ring more true to the impartial observer than some of the assertations earlier in the thread. The first season BSC were model tenants and to be fair we didn't have any problems with them at all...the only criticism would be their initial misrepresentation of exactly how many home games they'd be playing, although that may have been naivete on their part in not realising the amount of cups they were obligated to compete in. Relations were sufficiently cordial that they invited some of our committee members on to theirs - no takers though - you have to have an affinity for a club to want to take on that role. There was some initial sounding us out of the possibility of an actual merger...we did give it some degree of consideration to be fair, but came down on the side of saying no. Frankly, there wasn't enough in it for us, we have 130+ years of history as an independent club and were unwilling to give that up and we'd also have been left very much junior partners in the enterprise (forgive the pun) with second call on our own ground, which perhaps was the BSC endgame all along...you'd need to answer that one. Our long term future were this to happen also was far from clear...anyone remember Spartans Juniors? The first close season was a bit of a comedy of errors...as we freely admit, the pitch required urgent attention which we wanted to address as soon as possible. BSC "knew a guy who could fix it" however, so we waited. And waited. Finally, said guy showed up about two or three weeks prior to the start of the season and proceeded to drive something that apparently looked like an armoured personnel carrier over the park doing more harm than good, leaving us to patch it up as best we could before the start of the season...obviously the lack of work on it over the close season meant it was even worse the following season. As alluded to, postponements piled up for both sides the next season, though being lectured to about the state of your ground by a side that's never owned or had to maintain one is a bit like being criticised for your fashion sense by a pish stained jakey. At any rate, the second season was where things unravelled. Once we'd made it clear that there was to be no merger (and no first call for them on the ground?), it became progressively more difficult to extract their end of the deal from them, to the point we were ready to lock the gates and flip the lights off an hour prior to one of their midweek games unless they fronted some of it up. And then they were gone. Owing. As I said, it eventually went to SFA arbitration - several meetings actually, as they were cavalier enough not to show up for the first couple. They tried every trick they could think of to get out of the contract they'd signed .including attempting to make out that we were prevented by our terms of occupation of Lochburn from subletting it, and thus they couldn't possibly owe us. False obviously and proven so by a letter from a certain Crown Dependency. And that comes back to why they're playing in Alloa. Closer to Glasgow, the juniors are really the only game in town if you're looking for a groundshare that isn't prohibitively expensive for the crowds they attract, and it's unlikely in the extreme any side would entertain them as a tenant after our experiences - and also those of Ashfield, who they walked out on without kicking a ball - word's out. And that's "what it is" - sometimes you should be careful what you wish for.

After my repeated abject failures in Cup competitions I am exempt from this one, so I have an excuse, flimsy though it is. That leaves 39 other players and I needed to get down to 16, so we have nine straight games and seven with three teams involved. Using the latest modern technology, I scribbled down everybody's name on little bits of torn up post it notes and drew them randomly, resulting in the following....... Dyl v Peasy23 v Gman_1985 The Captain v Jagfox99 v Welshbairn Blackislekillie v madwullie v johnnydun Jacksgranda v Tynieness v Wilkinson 1998 Leeds Saint v Swarley v Northern Jambo Bully Wee Villa v gkneill v Dee_62 MSU v Frankie S v Alang 1993 Dee Man v His Eminence The Cardinal CowdenO v WILLIEA The DA v Eednud irvine_buddie v Scotfree Helpma v BigBo10 Ross v Pickled Herring Supermik v White Rose Killie deej v LiviLion pleslie99 v SlipperyP The highlighted fixture is the all Premiershit clash and obvious tie of the round. With two of the big guns gone after the first round there should be room for smaller clubs to aspire to greatness................................ Questions to come later.

DC made a huge mistake on Saturday when Doris was injured. He could have easily swapped Doris for Hester and left the side settled. Every player in the same positions before and after the injury. Just Hester up front. But DC went well out of his way to avoid putting Hester on. Switching Omar to the left, Denholm upfront, Linn on the right, the whole team dynamic changed. Gold didnt have Omar to support him as Omar was tracking back frequently to help out. Where Linn stood and watched more than tracked. Denholm doesnt look like he knows what to do up front. He is a winger who likes to create chances and get past players, not waiting on others creating chances for him. And Omar was less effective on the left than on the right. He had their left back in his back pocket with his runs and that forced the left winger to track back and help more often. When he swapped him to the other side, their left wing had a field day. As for Swankie on Saturday. He was good up until the injury. He could have done better afterwards but the whole team was shite after that. And for the most part he has been ok this season. Bit shit, bit good.

There were other factors involved in their departure, and it's disingenuous to claim that it was solely down to the proneness of the pitch to waterlogging at that time. The reason they're no longer at Lochburn, and possibly by extension no closer to Glasgow than Alloa was very little to do with the pitch and a lot more down to off-field issues as anyone in the know will be well aware. If it were, it would mark the first time in history that two clubs ended up in SFA arbitration over a leaky bit of grass...

What is she planning to do with these large cheese rectangles? Tile the fucking floor?

What a fucking tedious load of nonsense Gauld scored. Good to see. Shut the f**k up about the other shite

Away shagging. I'll be back tomorrow. Have my dinner out.

Hutton Henry Little Hammy Gold Omar Yule Whatley McCord Denholm ToB

Here's my score in the style of a Buzzfeed article. He needed a high scoring miracle to survive in the SWL. What happened next will blow your mind.

This girl and her love for food. That's her nearly 16 months now!

Terrible posting thread for this. Castle Greyskull was where the goodies lived. Snake Mountain was Skeletor's abode.

That's the post of someone who just looked up the word "narrative" on dictionary.com.

Small Faces - Lazy Sunday Afternoon

A kick in the sausage roll?

Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd read on P&B.

On the FFP website that Callachan has made a personal donation to our youth development fund. Nice gesture

I think we've had enough of rookie managers over the years, Latapy our Miller would be very risky and we need stability and experience. For me, Hartley would be a good option, I never personally think a manager needs to have some former attachment to a club. We need someone who knows the ropes and has managed at this level or above, simply Latapy or Miller have no credentials as management... Jack Ross may be another option, he has done well in every manager role he's had so far. I suppose we need to wait to see what happens if and when Peter Houston departs

And I'm going to have to buy some new gear for sitting in hospitality .. what you think of this ensemble lads? Too much ?

Seen my GP this morning and discussed what happened. We have agreed to double my dose of Sertraline up to 100mg to see if that will help.

Meow.

Plastic is the way ahead, the traditionalist and the purist may not like it but for community clubs, which lets face it every club in Scotland should be a community club, its the way ahead.

No, they are right. If you didn't mean it, it can't be a foul. You shouldn't get booked or sent off if you say sorry.

Great news

Hey. Aberdeen is one of the sunniest places in Scotland. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4202571.stm They weren't talking about our sunny disposition obviously.

The Kinks : Sunny Afternoon

This device is a game changer in the cheese cutting game. Easily cuts perfectly sized squares of perfect thickness for a sandwich/toastie.

They didn't but they did vote for the union. Scotland needs a short to mid stability period. Let's see how brexit pans out. I for one want to see a independent Scotland, and I believe I will. But, let's respect both results wait a few years and evaluate situation.

Its mentioned in "Getting Here" and the "First Time Fan Guide"

Arena cafe car park next to ground, opposite side from away fans seating though. Retail park about 5 mins walk away, some street parking, Ice Bowl parking behind East Stand where away fans sit, so parking near the ground isn't a problem depending on how quick you want away. AND IT'S ALL FREE Queens must definitely be the cheapest away day facilities wise in the Championship. Hopefully our generosity doesn't extend onto the pitch.

Dundee and Dundee United are to stage a 'sound test' using a decibel meter at their respective grounds to determine which set of fans are the noisier. (Evening Telegraph) Would it not be easier just to measure cocks ffs....[emoji108]

Would it not be worth looking at investing some money in pitch at maryhill rather than a complete new build somewhere else? Would surely be a cheaper option?

Ellipsis. Inconsistent spacing. SNP bad. Brexit good. Westminster good. f**k off Mcspreader.

You can't You just have to green dot absolutely everyone else instead

We have a squad of players who are four points clear. Valentine or mckay could play on Saturday against an amateur team and get some first team experience. We have a ridiculous front four, for this level who are scoring goals. We don't need to sign anyone. We have the best team in the league playing two cms at cb against our nearest challengers. Stop being so doom and gloom and trust the players we have! Eta: we are in enough debt. Let's get on with it and show some encouragement to whoever does play at the back on Saturday!

6 out of 10. Suppose I should be content, given that the new P+B layout AND the Australian FU in the same week has given me serious arse-ache. Smashed the Japanese island, country and "loxodrome" question so GTFIT. Did anyone else automatically plump for "Banjo" for the fife question? p.s. I smell.

If she's doing what I think she is from my understanding of your post then the only answer is a swift divorce.

Elton John - Rocket Man

Yes, money doesn't concern me as I'm a fuckin G