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How long into conversation do you let them know you're an absolute weasel, who stood back and watched his dad get a kicking?

In all seriousness, fingers crossed Martin the fictitious son's moods improve.

The seethe this has created is fantastic.

What 14 year old would know of Tomas Hadjovsky given they would've been 1 at the time he was brought in.

I thought he looked in better shape but still looked the least comfortable of our three CB players so far. When the opponent is lumping balls on top of him he strolls it but I really worry when the ball is on the ground in behind. Watson still looks a lot more mobile to me.

Is this the PTTGOYN thread or fucking mumsnet??

Taking ability out of the question for a second anyway, good honest Scottish laddies with names like Paul and Darren should be getting starts for Scotland ahead of Johnny Foreigner types with names like Christophe.

Too right, if anything Christophe(r) Berra cost Scotland a win that day by standing around doing nothing while Harry Kane volleyed it in.

Love this one, standing with a grin like The Cheshire Cat that says "that was a warm up for Sunday DDYB"

Bloody hell, I hope not... that requires being in the right place, at the right time, in order to carry out the task you've been trained to do!

Didn't have many "followers" yourselves in your time of need. An embarrassment of a support!

Posting on a football forum clearly doesn't equate to having a good knowledge of running a business and football club. It's a good job none of our directors have a track record of posting on forums while making stupid decisions at the club.

Arse licker.

Am I fucking reading this, have I slipped in to an alternative reality?

McGregor absolutely fucking floors Kane in the first half hour IMO. No chance he'd still have been alive if big Daz was on the pitch.

It woz The Son wot done it.

You have a point but I actually text one of my Lithuanian mates,saying that we'd signed Slivka....his reply? "Congratulations on winning the league" Make of that what you will.

I know it's a football forum discussion board but I would be very, very surprised if LV leaves this window. There is no intention whatsoever on the players part to leave when games is what he needs.

Pen ran out of ink at the wrong time and his parents thought it looked exotic and kept the error imo.

Official ICT pages likes....

Hands down the best thing I've ever read on here. Was wee Martin Hans firing Bambino messages claiming to be a coach too, or was that you?

What is it? I refuse to be visiting said page. No, this man managed a draw against England:

Hi everyone, it has been brought to my attention that my 14 year old son Martin has been using this football forum under this alias. Recently his moods have changed drastically and his mother and I have found out that it has been because of the astonishing criticism he has faced. While he was originally "having a laugh" on this forum, we have found that he felt it was important to stick to his guns and stand up for what he feels. As parents we are obviously concerned for his wellbeing and have warned him of the dangers of using these forums over the internet. However, reading back, a lot of you should be ashamed of yourselves for the way you shot down someone who had a difference of opinion. He did see himself as a Raith Rovers supporter, but now feels let down by the people he thought were fellow fans. In particular, RW and Bambino, i hope you don't believe everything people write to you over the Internet. Maybe you also need some growing up as does my teenage son. Hopefully Martins learnt a lesson from this but as "ambassadors" of your football club, a lot of you should be ashamed of yourselves for not listening or acknowledging another's opinion. Not everyone has to agree with what you say. You won't be hearing from SuperHans again but I will say well done to my son for sticking to his guns.

Surprised he didn't miss.

Some of our fans (not just you) seem to have lost their minds this summer. Every season under Archie we have brought in players at the end of the window, either permanent or on loan - there is zero reason to think that we would have brought in all 'proper' targets by now. What does 'proper' even mean - availability changes and I expect our targets to change with that. I expect Archie to target the best players available - players who can help push us on in league and cup. I expect these same players to have confidence in their ability and not to drop their pants the second Partick Thistle express an interest. I expect we'll miss out on more players than we get. And I expect that early in the season we'll have signed at least another centre half and centre forward who provide additional strength to the squad - because Archie took his time and used our limited budget on the best players possible. I guess I should also expect another few weeks of nonsense on here as fans shout for us to sign someone, anyone. Even Jay fucking McEveley.

Hearts actually beating Hibs in a game of football I take it you've missed the 140 odd years of Derby dominance that Hibs have enjoyed? Hearts would be best concentrating on the likes of Patrick, St Johnstone etc before coming for the big boys.

Lifeguard ?

He's also thick, thoroughly inarticulate and altogether lacking in any insight at all.

#thislovewilllast3leaguecupgroupgames

Garry O'Cünther / LGüntherBTQ @Johnny Däpp

I was delighted to learn princess Di had died. I had spent the Saturday tripping in the woods with my pals, only emerging at 7am as I had a shift for a catering agency lined up for the Sunday. When the agency phoned early to say the event was cancelled I had no idea why, until the boy on the phone told me she was pan breid. Still feeling spacey I hung up the phone, turned on the telly and said "ya fucking beauty" as the news showed the scenes of mourning outside Buckingham palace. My mam told me I was out of order, but I couldn't really tell her the real reason I was so chuffed. A carry out was promptly procured and my pals and I toasted princess Di with each can opened. I like to think that drink driving actually saved a life that day; mine.

Slivka ripped the pish out of Scotland. He's going to be absolute flames.

Here we go, 2 in a row

First time you've spoken to him since winning the championship IMO.

I wouldn't ever say he was being squeezed out - I just think everyone expected his agent to be able to manufacture a deal. Nobody bit, so he stayed, leading to surplus of centre backs. Davies is comfortably the best centre half ever to play for County. It's not even close. I liked it best when ICT targeted him in the air, for some unknown reason.

You could have a transfer fee.... or you could have what's in this mystery box instead!

Stevo is full of birthday card pish on Instagram. I watched the penalties on Facebook Live and you could hear about 5 boos and a couple of jokey shouts like "put it wide". He's trying to paint himself as some sort of underdog hero who overcame his haters for likes. Also, his heid looks fuckin ridiculous.

Potato heed

Tried to find a post I'd made about Faissal a few months back and ended up seeing this absolute cracker. Sorel Chemin

What a brilliant photo David Young shot of Moussa's acrobatics, week on week he supplies us with cracking photos. Surely must be one of the best football photographers in the country? Keep up the good work. Thank you very much indeed.

Except that it looks nothing like Jon Snow.

You going to send a threatening PM to me this time? Let's be honest, we all know that's rubbish. Our chairman literally came out and said "we couldn't stand in the boys way". Locke was out in the paper saying we didn't get any money on the back of in the papers. But this is the board who appointed Locke as a "quality appointment". The board who gave him free reign to him to sign 37 year old Rudi Skacel using a sponsors money. The board who pandered to Hearts fans for hospitality with a Q&A for Skacel and Locke for hospitality while criticising our fans for not showing up when we'd been on a horrendous run of form. The board who wait until February to finally get rid of Locke after not winning a game since October. The board who decided to sanctioned the loan of our lord and saviour Lewi to Dumbarton, while bringing in "Retiring" Ryan Stevenson. The board who, despite having a member who was on the board of the SPFL, didn't know the rules regarding transfers forcing us into fielding Stevenson in goals against Ayr. It's the manager making the decision, but the board shouldn't be given any absolution for our clusterfuck of a season. Frankly, our board are the reason we're in this league at the moment. I wouldn't trust them with any decision at the moment. I'll give full backing to the team and the management, but the board need to take a long, hard look at the way things are done. If we get a sizeable cash offer, nobody is going to say "don't consider it". But the majority of fans have no faith in them due to them selling themselves short on these types of things.

You got Scott Roberts. That's worse than nothing.