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Your quilt would be like the Turin Shroud if you pumped satchmo on the left.

Two wids and a mahogany wid.

"I want that one!"

Fckuing hell labours just about finished in Scotland, hopefully the remaining labour voters see sense and switch to the SNP in the general election to halt this tactical Tory voting nonsense. Voting Tory will come back to bite a lot of peoples backslides, especially in working class areas.

In fairness to Aberdeen they'd need to get relegated to match that feat....

Coming soon, Perth Monorail.

For me, the phrase that raised questions over the article's accuracy was "The Sun".

Humble, aye?

Mrs & Mr throbber.

Wee bit of a concern that we're not being good parents to our wee one. I think she may be fed up with life after 7 months.

At this rate the wording for Indyref2 will be something as follows: Should Scotland be an independent country? - Yes - Eh Rainjurz

My campaign is a disaster, Moe. I hate the public so much. If only they'd elect me, I'd make them pay.

Being too shite for the Scottish Premiership is not an achievement.

Dot Rotten

Swinging Blue Jeans - Hippy Hippy Shake

I saw you complaining to someone about them calling you a drunk. Tbh, until you can manage a grown up, sober point instead of the usual mix of the snidey, pedantic rantings of the town drunk you'll be treated as such. So, in those spirits: Quieten down, rummy.

Shadwell please don't take this to heart but are you ever positive or optimistic about anything?

This day was always going to come, it's sad, it was good while it lasted and we'll all remember those wonderful ***skelping scenes but, that's the Hivs finally used up all of their credit. They're just the second club in a non-footballing town with their congruent big team in Glasgow. A shame, they could have been so much more. Delighted for Andy, lad is a hero and just one of the multiple disgraces in our game is that he will play his entire career without getting the Scotland cap(s) he has earned, many times over.

Roughy and Tony Higgins

It has been sent to Blisstonia. Well known for its high levels of bliss.

Elmore James - Shake Your Moneymaker

John Mayall And The Bluesbreakers : Blues City Shakedown

Reminds me of one of the best things I have ever seen on the Internet. Ever

Looks like Leslie Ash has been sweeping the chimney again.

Cheers lads. So here we are ... it's Friday night. Everyone's itching to go out on the razz. The only thing stopping us is the desire see Week 3's final league tables. In the Premiership ... Alang1993 shat the bed somewhat on the last day of the season, but there was only going to be one winner. Frankie S a credible second. Down in the nether regions, it's tighter than Rangers' purse-strings, but Tynieness is in the play-offs and AFJ is for the drop alongside Deej - who really must decide whether exams or top-league credibility are more important. In the SWL, Livi Lion holds on to gain the rarest of plaudits, the SWL Silver League Trophy (it's by happy coincidence that Stealers and Beazer match the first letters of silver and bronze so well). Kincardine - buoyed by a particularly riveting episode of the goings-on in Ambridge, manages to gain re-admission to the top league. It's tight for the play-off, but Arabdownunder is fed up of being down under, so lands himself a tie against Tynieness. Jagfox99 and Leeds Saint don't deserve their dinner and Ross. with his annoying full stop is in the play-offs. And down below. Another team gaining their first piece of silverware (well, bronzeware) ... Swarley has been battling since the start of this thread (I think, can't be arsed checking), and he finally brings home something to show the grandkids ... a BHL trophy! Well done to Madwullie who is also promoted. And what's this? Despite being on 5th place - every other c**t bottled it, so I'm in DHD's play off. Go me. So the play off question ... a reminder of the fixtures: Premiership Status: @Audaces Fortuna Juvat vs @Arabdownunder Stealer's Wheelship Status: @Ross. vs @Cardinal Richelieu (not quite sure why I need to tag myself)... Over to you @die hard doonhamer !

But not as a human being?

Blame Jagfox! I'll put you out your misery though. You might be in the play-offs, but at least you've forced AFJ into the relegation zone on quiz difference!

Ry Cooder : The Dark End Of The Street

Van Morrison - Bright side of the Road

Her hair is a homage to Fred Dinage.

Leave Forever_blueco alone. Seeing the ***s so utterly bitchslapped recently has left him with only the Politics sub-forum to disastrously troll, which is more than a little tragic imo.

Sutherland Brothers Band - Sailing

A man wakes up the morning after a party with a pounding hangover and only vague memories of what happened the previous night. The only relatively clear image in his mind is that the house where the party was had a golden toilet. This seems so unlikely that he dismisses it as just his imagination, but the image won't go away and he finally decides that the only way to settle the matter is to go back to the house and check. The problem is that he can't remember the address - he doesn't even know the name of the people who hosted the party as he was having a drink in the pub when he got chatting to some strangers who were on their way to it, and they invited him along. The only clue is that the house was within walking distance of the pub, so he goes there and starts walking the streets until he finally finds one that looks vaguely familiar. He's about to go up to the door when he realises that asking the householder if he has a golden toilet is going to make him look really stupid, so he comes up with a plan to get himself invited into the house, then ask to use the toilet and see for himself. So he goes up to the door and rings the bell. After a few moments the door is opened by a man who looks as if he's just got out of bed. Before the visitor can speak, the householder grabs him by the lapels and shouts, "You! You're the b*****d who shat in my tuba!"

Enjoy a pint in solace. Few things finer.

That's exactly who it is. And the partially evolved lifeforms known as kippers.

South Shields take on North Shields for the 3rd time this season tomorrow in the all ticket Northern League Cup final at Hillheads Park Whitley Bay. South who earlier this week won the Durham County Challenge Cup go for their 3rd trophy of the season to go alongside the League trophy and also have the FA Vase trophy at Wembley in 2 weeks time to look forward to. This match is all ticket with South selling out their allocation. There will be no turnstile pay at the gate on the day though both Whitley Bay and North Shields still have ticket availability. West Allotment Celtic and the Northumberland FA have come to an amicable agreement over their future. Celtic who have no home ground after the FA put the rent up are to be assisted in their transition to a new ground by the county FA who will offer stadia improvements support and advice. Washington have been forced to put in a letter of resignation to the Northern League as they are struggling for volunteers to take the club forward. They have the opportunity to withdraw the letter of resignation should help come forward. The club currently play at the impressive, for both players and spectators, Nissan Sports and Recreation Complex on the outskirts of the town. Scarborough Athletic are delighted to announce that they will return to the town next season after 10 years sharing at Bridlington Town. Scarborough s 1st game back in the town is on July 15 th v Sheffield United. They finished 3rd this season in the evostick Northern League Division 1. There could be a couple of good games next season v South Shields.

Jack Bruce - Sunshine Of Your Love

Some Bannigan news. http://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/sport/15266382.Stuart_Bannigan_targets_Partick_Thistle_return_for_start_of_next_season/?ref=rss Return for pre season friendlies would be ideal.

Little Feat - Fat Man In The Bathtub https://youtu.be/S1AWV3F8muI

I'd like to see a topical web series of Shandon Par and throbber going for drinks in each others favoured establishments. Shandon could take throbber to the Canny Man one night and then the next it'd be the Foot of the Walk. They could wear the clothing appropriate for each venue, so in Morningside thorbber could wear Paul Nuttal-style tweed, whereas for the FotW Shandon would get the head-to-toe Lonsdale and Slazenger look that throbber has perfected.

Great pic! We are just heading home from a few nights at Center Parcs. Had a great time. Knackered though.

Blue - Little Jody

Taste - Leaving Blues

Imagine being so servile and craven that you hold Scotland and her institutions in such contempt. Astounding

Any chance of pointing out where those photos are? Pals asking..

If someone came up to me in the street and said "Would you like a Jacuzzi at your home?", I would say yes, I'd fucking love a Jacuzzi at my home. He would then tell me it cost £2K to install and a further £1K every year to maintain it. At that point I'd tell him to ram it as I can't afford that and I'd be quite annoyed at him for making it out as if getting a Jacuzzi was feasible for a wee mug like me. Here, Ian Wilson is the man walking up to people in the street. He's asking us what shiny stuff we want so that he can put it in his "plan" and say "look, we've got exactly what everyone wants!". At some point though it'll become clear that we cannot afford any of this shiny stuff and we'll be quite annoyed at him for telling us it was feasible. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the whole thing, we are dealing with amateurs here.

Centre and right definite wid/wid. Left though: