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If Pie and Bovril were a Billy Joel song: Cheesy Wotsits, ruined trainers, Paedophile pool, Ruel Street, crispy pets, 8Mile flinging stool. Pie review, verge of tears, Griffiths is a thumb, Mumsnet, scheme goblin, Philpy does the worm. Windows down, heating up, cock-teasing bitch, T-bone stag, BarraJag, artificial pitch. Lowing chipmunk, Charles Green, seething alias, Heads gone, kicking pie, swing and a miss.

Headed off on his Russian cruise Loaded up with cheap fags and booze Paid for, by folks on P&B But there's a side, they didn't see "A tedious bore, with manky patter" His dark past, a different matter The doors locked, a trap is set Matches, lighters? Crispy pet.

G'bo had a little cat its fur was white as snow but after Grimmy's house burnt down the cat turned into coal. where once the feline purred an meowed and licked it's white coat whispy oor grimbo fancied a Russian cruise so turned the poor c**t crispy

There once was a poster called throbber He just loved playing with his dobber Once safely inside his sock He'd tear the heid off his cock But his missus thinks crusty socks are improper

"Post, not the poster" is a total fallacy, when you're dealing with a liar like our old friend Magee, "Honestly I saw it, Henrik Larrsson cured depression, he caught a guys phone with me on a drinking session." No he fucking didn't, you greasy Walter Mitty, Your inability to stay away almost garners pity, But then you remember, he fibs in every thread he broaches, Even pretending to be a Dee by the name Dave Coaches, A fantasist, a weirdo, obsessed with P&B, Well we don't even like you, go on, f**k off Magee.

McGonnigal has nothing to fear here

I'm worried for Mon Dieu, sticking his head above the parapet and taking it to the power crazed mods like this. Be warned, plans are in place in case anything happens Mon Dieu, me or any of our associates. A team is on standby in Burkino Faso, ready to unleash an uncontainable assault of Lewis Stevenson posts. Last word on it.

@Black and White Tragic responds to an update of the 'Magic Hat' song. Link /thread

Who thought Shandon Par was a fanny?

No you didn't Magee. Stop telling lies all the time.

There once was a poster named Moz Who was binned by the vigilant modz He'd usually shirk At an honest day's work And the only surprise to both you and to me Was being nabbed by the mods not Yewtree

Because nobody would go for 2 nights. Green please.

Roses are red Violets are blue Im probably getting binned It was nice knowing you.

Disappointed to learn that The Moonster has placed the club on the verge of administration.

So, what should we talk about in here now that players/management or general worries about the club are off the table? I'm usually the first to shoot down folk being negative but right now it's absolutely clear why there is negativity. It's not up to that fans to relinquish that negativity by being blindly positive, it's up to the management and players to put our minds at rest with a performance that at least suggests we're a team. I'm yet to see that this year and I'm sorry if it upsets people but it inevitably leads to speculation that things aren't well behind the scenes.

It's probably to say that he still has the green jeans.

The operative phrase being 'day and night'. What happened? Did you get a rise out of a Celtic poster and manage to hit the bullseye with a lucky shot from your computer desk?

The situation is not totally as bleak as some may assume, on or off the pitch, nor is it a bed of roses. And yes there are money concerns, there always are at Scottish part-time clubs, but ours are hugely exacerbated by the frankly bizarre nature of the ownership of DFC - and that last point needs to enter the consciousness of every Sons fan on here. We are in effect living in rented accommodation and having to fund every last cent ourselves, with a landlord determined to sell off the place whilst indulging in some extremely wishful thinking marked 'new accommodation'. That same landlord couldn't give a f*** if the roof leaks and the lights fail - they are interested only in cashing in on the real estate. So, on small gates and limited other income we will naturally struggle to provide a Manager with funds sufficient to attract and retain the calibre of player required to keep us in the Championship. I'm no cheerleader for the Board of DFC but these guys and the last two Managers have IMO performed a pretty remarkable job in the circumstances. If we go down like a brick then this season so be it. We are a club punching above it's weight but as long as Brabco effectively have the reins we will have problems; maybe it's about time these land speculators received some of the criticism that flows freely on here.

The young lad Jonathan Sutherland might be worth a punt

Lee Wallace, Tedi and Granny Danger Three arseholes who are happy to grass up a stranger All over the word b***t My, the last few days on here been a feast Who will be next for the chop? My guess is Philpy, for he is a cock

Captain Beefheart And His Magic Band : Tropical Hot Dog Night

Though his name is a nod to the Gods, Mon Dieu here is taunting the mods, The Easter Road deity, Brings laughter and gaiety, And a ban would be vile, For the Leith Franckophile

Sometimes when I'm walking down the street I see these road markings and just think "haha. Michael Mols."

In terms of anyone who is planning a big group ride for the first time, the first thing is not to panic and dont get discouraged. Most people can do much further than they expect if they put a minimum amount of effort into training. Just go slow and take breaks. Also it is a lot easier to ride in groups, sitting in a group cuts the energy you have to put into moving forward by about 30% (it varies and you get more out of it the faster you go) so going 60 odd miles with a group or flitting between groups is psychically much easier than doing it on your own and you will likely get a big psychological boost from being with people who will be like you, struggling to achieve something. In terms of gym training this will give two big advantages, great for the cardio and that is the *cough* beating heart of endurance cycling. And perhaps more importantly it will help cut down your weight. Weight matters a lot in cycling, especially on up hills and anything that can cut the weight is going to save you effort. Its still high summer so a lot of people on thread will still have events lined up so a couple of tips. Eating, "carbo-loading" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbohydrate_loading Dont pig out before an event thinking you are carbo-loading. You are going to actually make yourself worse. Dont consume more than your usual calories the night before an event, carbo loading means eating a higher % of your calories as carbs, not 2 13" pizzas. What goes in must come out and you really dont want it knocking on the back door 3 hours into a ride. Keep your blood glycogen levels topped up. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycogen That means eating little snacks through the event. Start early, dont wait till you are hungry. Something like 200 calories per hour should do it. Glycogen is how you get energy from recently eaten food. So the theory is rather than a mega meal before you start, something light with a load of carbs and small snacks as you keep going. When your body gets depleted of glycogen you "bonk". Most inexperienced people confuse this with hitting some limit on their fitness, its not its just a bad nutrition strategy. At its worst, on the bonk, you are near enough hallucinating and in tunnel vision. But in most its just crippling fatigue. Then when your body has restored its glycogen levels people talk about a "second wind". Caffeine works, firstly its a mental stimulant and that helps on a long ride. But it is widely reported as having an effect on the ability of the body to burn fat as energy. It is widely believed by many coaches and nutritionists that this helps turn you body fat into energy. Its not nailed to the walls solid yet, but its pretty widely agreed. Downside its a diuretic, it makes you piss. Balance. But have something with a big caffeine hit for mid event (or two or three). Take as much and as little of this advice as people want, others will disagree with it and that is their right. But if your in a group, always take your share of time with your nose into the wind.

Michael Stewart what a minter.

Whos Michael Stewart you fucking farmer?

£750,000 for your 2 best players The fun indeed.

Roses are Red Violets are Blue Granny Dangers a snitch He'll rat on you.

To make up the numbers, I think some of those Koreans robots will need to be unbanned soon.

If anything could ever perfectly sum up Philpy's P&B career, it'd be him getting banned off the back of his greatest ever post. "oh, philpy " to a tee.

I really hope we beat the Arabs on Saturday and lift the vibe around the team, the fans and most importantly this forum!

Shite. Doesn't even rhyme.

McGonnigal has nothing to fear here lads.

For fans of Scottish football to meet One no longer need pollute the street Ensconced with beer, far from the chill Remote piss taking's enabled, via pie & bov-ril When your team's being shite and your no happy You can take it out on an alcoholic, sevco chappie While Nizzy watches on like a gathering storm Stroking his banhammer to keep it warm

f**k sake this place just gets worse.

There is another poster called Pete Who acts hard but really is sweet My jokes and my frolics About the warts on his bollocks Ensure he still thinks I'm a teat.

Vids of kids And inappropriate 'wids' Online beasts, there are a lot. But banning Moz? An unjust cause. The mods have lost the plot.

Cream - Dance The Night Away

There once was a poster called Billy His dress sense was quite rather silly A big fan of gaymin He then changed his name an' Now he's called Pete he's a willy.

Yip. Professional footballers either need to have a thick skin or have the sense not to come onto forums like this. If Jim Duffy or some of our squad logged on here or our unofficial forum every so often they'd either be offering some of the posters a square go or be pishing themselves laughing. Us fans being a fickle bunch I'm sure a few positive results will change the tone.

My favourite part was when he rhymed ship with... ship.

The Kinks - Come Dancing (a change from Jeff Beck) [emoji126]

Far be it for me to divulge someone else's personal life but I feel it's my duty to inform fellow Dees that Deefiant today flies out to Basra, Iraq for what he believes to be 6-8 weeks. I'd just like to thank Deefiant for all the memories and tell him he'll be sorely missed on this forum, especially his tremendous dab baiting. My favourite post was probably his extensive list on all the hilarious dab f**k ups in the last 18 months. Feel free to post your Deefiant eulogies here. Sleep tight sweet dab tormenting prince x

f**k sake, it's like being at a séance.

It's a football forum, for discussion amongst fans. A discussion on a football forum puts absolutely zero pressure on anyone.

Leahy was a permanent fixture in a defence that lost four yes four games all season. That's out of 36 games in a league that included rangers and hibs too. He also scored some great and important goals and had many assists. This season we should be grateful we have leahy he's the least of our concerns and is proven in a team that was one game from forty away from promotion