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Stephen Thompson likes this.

I hope we do qualify but the bold Chick has a heart attack on the way to the plane.

This was a favourite of mine from a few years ago

Sorry Adam it was a girl. Isobel 7 pounds and half an ounce by c section 3 and a bit weeks early she's a wee bruiser as well. Thankfully her mum hasn't turned yellow and it's all going like it's supposed to.

Tiger Woods never knew about tides until he played the British Open and asked Paul Lawrie why the beach had disappeared.

^^^^^^^Frank Spencer.

I hope you literally mean dancing. I'll body pop your head in.

Can't believe folk still do the contact ads type of selling, considering the number of utter jakeballs who turn up and hope you'll give them a bargain just to get rid of them. I've probably already told the tale of the old degenerate who turned up to buy a computer from me and tried to get me to trade for a couple of spunk-covered old porn tapes. There was also a boy who arrived to buy a (tech snore alert) 486 DX2-66 processor and motherboard from me for £20, and was expecting to get a 266MHz Pentium II processor and motherboard combo, when that was basically the fastest processor available for home computers and would've set you back over £200. Arsehole started ranting that the advert had stated it was the Pentium II, so I pulled out the copy of ScotAds (or whatever) that it had been in to show him it didn't. He lost the place even more at being caught out in a lie, so I told him to leave or I'd call the police, as he very much seemed as though he'd like to take a swing at me. He then suddenly makes an offer of £2 to "do you a favour", which sees me reaching for the phone, at which point he calmly puts a £20 note down on the table, picks up the hardware, and leaves I know some folk seem to like that kind of 'bargaining', but I don't understand it.

My thoughts also. Both last season and this there are at least 2 clubs in the div that can out resource us by a long way Going balls out financially to achieve promotion would be detrimental in the event of failing to do so The board are rightly being prudent in these circumstances Thats not to say we shouldnt be extremely competitive this season, 3rd place ought to be the expectation

Joker IPA. Need to get this stuff on tap in my work, cracking stuff.

Head over to Hanon Shop, what a fucking sale theyve got on the go right now!

England need to get 367 to avoid follow on. The 300 benchmark is more to do with how long it should take them to get there and even with a follow on, they can save the game by batting out most if not the rest of the match Fact of day - Bell's 5th dismissal this year for 1. Tied record for a year

Only the Celtic game moved for TV in fixtures up until the end of October for us. Now Sunday 9th August 12.30pm kick off. Aberdeen at home will be the Sunday too if Aberdeen beat Rijeka and then get through v Kairat.

"Bullshit. You can be mine!"

Got black carded

Indeed! Incidentally, have you ever tried to do that? It's tougher than it looks

You absolute beauty! Over the moon.

#PrayForPaddyBoyle

A bottom feeder, to be exact. I know this, because I was that creature.

I'm sure the movie will be pretty solid, though. Fassbender and McAvoy have both grasped the roles of Magneto and Prof. X very well and Bryan Singer knows how to make an X-Men movie. Days of Future Past was very enjoyable, in my opinion, and X-Men 2 is also a pretty good movie. Here's hoping Deadpool knocks it out the park too.

Are you just selling your wall coverings piece by piece? "For sale: Used skirting board. Pre glossed to one side. Still has a few panel pins in it. Tenner ONO".

Pair of wids. I love going out in Killie, the local birds all dress up like they're heading for Vegas. It's an odd, and enjoyable, quirk of provincial towns that they treat local pubs and what passes for clubs as big nights out. Never fails to amuse and arouse me seeing a bunch of pissed up slappers from New Ferm dolled up to f**k for a night in First Edition followed by The Garage.

What a surprise.

We could sign Messi and some people would still find something to moan about to be honest. Not naming any names of course, Shadwell.

I've considered the sleeveless cardigan look for work before. I think I'd look hella dapper.

Netherlands beat Canada as expected, when Canada got 172 I thought the game might be on, when Netherlands got to 64/0 after 4 overs I knew it was back off. Oman vs UAE was a washout . 5 teams separated by a point going into the final round of games tomorrow- permutations remain unchanged for Scotland Win and we'll definitely finish above Oman, and at least one of Kenya and Netherlands so will get 3rd minimum. There's an outside chance we could top the group and secure automatic qualification if we win, Kenya lose or are rained off vs the Dutch, and Afghan lose (or more likely are rained off) vs group diddies Canada. Tie / washout means we'll qualify as Netherlands and Kenya can't both finish above us but we'll almost certainly qualify in 4th and have to play 2 playoff matches to qualify with no margin for error. Loss and we're out unless Kenya beat Netherlands. Having by far the best NRR in the group has bought us a fair bit of margin for error.

Got a nice surprise this morning, a client from up North handed me this season's new Queens top and a couple of match programmes. I usually get food hampers or bottles of Scotch, but never anything as glamorous as this! I'll wear it tonight while I'm shopping in Sainsbury's in Watford.

Eastenders actress Samantha Janus has a younger brother called Hugh

I might just be in the minority here 'cause I'm fairly relaxed about next season - I think we've improved the goalkeeping position and have reasonable options up front, I think we're a decent striker away from having as good a squad as we can expect and I thoroughly believe Houston is trying to get one. It would take an exceptional effort to get out of this league this season but a play-off place should be the target and I think we've got enough in the squad already to do that. I'm looking forward to the start of the season.

FTFY

You'd have to be either exceptionally dedicated or plain stupid to travel through to Falkirk and pay a tenner for a friendly.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Whaur's the blokes type post

I know we've only been playing friendlies but the pairing of Benedictus and Toshney at the back has been an absolute stand out so far. Gone are the long punts up the park that were Watson's speciality, so from that point of view he won't be missed. He moaned a lot as well, mainly because it was never his fault when the goals went in.

Brian comes across as a creepy wee tart. Never touched a woman type IMO.

Champion Jack Dupree - I've Been Mistreated

You wouldn't have a moustache by any chance?

I see Richard Brittain has been made player/manager at Brora! Hopefully he does well and manages here one day. And takes Kettlewell with him off course

Good luck mate! Does the other guy, who does the collections, drive a drop - off? If so you should swap vehicles. Good luck bud!

An old one but always springs to mind when thinking about awful articles. Chick Young slating Thistle's decision to sack his mate Gerry Collins as manager. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/p/partick_thistle/3299025.stm You wouldn't think our record when he got sacked was P14 W0 D2 L12

Brian shut down a trialist thread incase other clubs find out who is with us….WTF

Are you a torn faced c**t? If not, then a career in train conducting isn't for you. In all seriousness, good luck mate.

We had Steven Lawleff appearing in our match reports regularly for couple of seasons. Which is bad enough, but it wasn't even used in place of Steven Lawless, it was used in place of Steven McGarry.

That's an impressive collection of lookalikes - Jim Farry in the blue, Wayne from Auf Wiedersehen Pet up the back and that Wealdstone Raider c**t in the Sun Records shirt

Agree with every word of this, however TV money rules. I long for the a return to the good old days of no seeding and just chuck abodies name in the hat and draw them out. Far more exciting way of doing things.

BE A WEAR

I'm glad you don't suffer from Spoonerism.

Ah. More sweeping generalisations. Definitely not a w****r IMO.