[McMuffin]

My living room is desperately unprotected should Vikings/zombies/lesbians invade the centre of Glasgow and take the place by storm. I've decided I need to do something about this and protect myself from the inevitable. Some time next week, I'll be constructing an impenetrable fortress to save myself and a selected few. I'd do it tomorrow, but girls aren't allowed in the fort.

Here's my plans:


Obviously there will be a duvet and lots of pillows in the courtyard. What have I forgotten? I was thinking about some kind of anti-girl forcefield, but I don't know if the technology will be invented by next week. I will however make a flag warning them of the consequences of approacing the external perimeter (shot by my pistol).

The best suggestion will guarantee a place in Fort Rimmer should the inevitable happen. Good luck P&Bers.

This post has been edited by McMuffin: 26 January 2009 - 22:43

[Raith Against The Machine]

You should get a guard dog.

Try for an orange one with a bushy tail.

[squidger]

McMuffin, on Jan 25 2009, 02:17, said:

My living room is desperately unprotected should Vikings/zombies/lesbians invade the centre of Glasgow and take the place by storm. I've decided I need to do something about this and protect myself from the inevitable. Some time next week, I'll be constructing an impenetrable fortress to save myself and a selected few. I'd do it tomorrow, but girls aren't allowed in the fort.

Here's my plans:


Obviously there will be a duvet and lots of pillows in the courtyard. What have I forgotten? I was thinking about some kind of anti-girl forcefield, but I don't know if the technology will be invented by next week. I will however make a flag warning them of the consequences of approacing the external perimeter (shot by my pistol).

The best suggestion will guarantee a place in Fort Rimmer should the inevitable happen. Good luck P&Bers.

Hey kids, DONT DO DRUGS!

Failsafe method for the bold question, piss in all the corners allow food to fall all over the floor and grow a good colony of female defusing cockroaches. If you grow them big enough they will eat any dropped food aswell 'bonus'.

[turboshandy]

McMuffin, on Jan 25 2009, 01:17, said:

Here's my plans:

Why it's...it's....perfect.

Nothing to add here.

[McMuffin]

Not sure if I can breed them within a week. We'll just have to ensure we're adequately fortified, the couch and security gates should hold up and we'll make sure we have weapons.

[shedboy82]

Am I stating the bleeding obvious by pointing out that 'Fort Rimmer' sounds like a gay holiday retreat?

[Raith Against The Machine]

I would suggest having a girl just outside the fort. In her pants.

For thousands of reasons.

[vikingTON]

I'm afraid McMuffin as you lack a water supply we'll be cutting that off before we get anywhere near your perimeter walls. That's how we sacked Dumbarton.
Edit: Beer won't quite work, unless you plan to bathe in it.

This post has been edited by vikingTON: 25 January 2009 - 01:52

[Breaking Decency]

vikingTON, on Jan 25 2009, 02:51, said:

Edit: Beer won't quite work, unless you plan to bathe in it.

Judging by the smell of some of the people around here, that might be a lot more common than you think.

As for water supply:

1. Bring in two bottles of water (2l bottles)

2. Drink bottle A

3. Piss into a saucepan & boil

4. Use bottle B in mean time

5. Pour freshly boiled & santised water back into Bottle A

Repeat steps 2-5 alternating bottles A & B.

[Falcor Roar]

You should smother yourself in mushroom soup and play metallica at full volume, that stops most girls and all zombies. Maybe attracts lesbians though.

[NotSainteeSean]

its a beautiful plan.

im in stitches.

[Nkomo-A-Gogo]

youll need pirahnas for in your fort. about 30 of them will do.

[NotSainteeSean]

wheres all your weapons!?

dear god you need weapons!

[Liam.]

May I suggest you move the TV and Xbox inside the fort?

[Toma_BullyWee]

McMuffin, on Jan 25 2009, 01:17, said:

Obviously there will be a duvet and lots of pillows in the courtyard. What have I forgotten? I was thinking about some kind of anti-girl forcefield, but I don't know if the technology will be invented by next week. I will however make a flag warning them of the consequences of approacing the external perimeter (shot by my pistol).

Luckily for you Toma is scientifically proven to repel women.

[McMuffin]

Donnelly, on Jan 25 2009, 03:02, said:

May I suggest you move the TV and Xbox inside the fort?

The TV and Xbox are in the corner of the room, and the outer perimeter will join the edges of the walls so the courtyard makes a kind of viewing platform. Its completely secure.

I might try and fashion some kind of rainwater collection system that involves the window. This is Glasgow after all. I'm fucked if I'm making shuttleruns to the kitchen to use the saucepans, i'll be too exposed to attack from filthy beasts. The window will also serve as toilet, i'll make sure we've got plenty toilet roll and the Yellow Pages (both as a back up and as additional reading material).

Weapons - frying pan, griddle, my cock (sucessfully repelled girls for the majority of my 23 years), Call of Duty 4 (realistic sound so that they'll think we've got loads of Russians behind the walls, a'la Home Alone), aloe vera aftershave cream (aloe vera does everything).

[thejailender]

McMuffin, on Jan 25 2009, 01:17, said:

My living room is desperately unprotected should Vikings/zombies/lesbians invade the centre of Glasgow and take the place by storm. I've decided I need to do something about this and protect myself from the inevitable. Some time next week, I'll be constructing an impenetrable fortress to save myself and a selected few. I'd do it tomorrow, but girls aren't allowed in the fort.

Here's my plans:


Obviously there will be a duvet and lots of pillows in the courtyard. What have I forgotten? I was thinking about some kind of anti-girl forcefield, but I don't know if the technology will be invented by next week. I will however make a flag warning them of the consequences of approacing the external perimeter (shot by my pistol).

The best suggestion will guarantee a place in Fort Rimmer should the inevitable happen. Good luck P&Bers.

Gudgie, Can I suggest that you drag the fridge through from the kitchen, and put it in place of the guitar. That way you can put the beers in the fridge to keep them cool, and you can use the guitar for singing songs around the camp fire - I take it you will be having a camp fire in the middle of the fort ??

Also I see no place for a computer, I think it is vital that you make space for a computer so that you can keep in communication with other people who may copy your design in their houses...

Can I suggest also a few photographs of the completed Fort so we can all make sure our copies are equally as suitable for the impending invasion ?

Dunc, on Jan 25 2009, 01:20, said:

You should get a guard dog.

Try for an orange one with a bushy tail.

Boom, Boom

[KiwiDB]

You're badly needing your nat king by the sounds of it, Mr McMuffin.

[McMuffin]

DB Cooper, on Jan 25 2009, 10:43, said:

You're badly needing your nat king by the sounds of it, Mr McMuffin.

Friday night. And yesterday morning. B)

[McMuffin]

Jailbender. The fridge is staying in the kitchen, unfortunately it's a built in job. Perhaps the windowsill will serve as both a lookout post and a cooler. I've got a laptop, so it can come in just fine without needing to clear space.

Pictures will be shared, whenever we get this built.

[KiwiDB]

McMuffin, on Jan 25 2009, 14:44, said:

Friday night. And yesterday morning. B)

I take it she's punted you then going by the anti-female jibes?

[Enigma]

You will need a pit prison to keep captives.

[McMuffin]

DB Cooper, on Jan 25 2009, 10:48, said:

I take it she's punted you then going by the anti-female jibes?

Not at all. Cooking for her later tonight which should hopefully guarantee more filth.

Girls just aren't allowed in Fort Rimmer.

[KiwiDB]

McMuffin, on Jan 25 2009, 14:50, said:

Not at all. Cooking for her later tonight which should hopefully guarantee more filth.

Girls just aren't allowed in Fort Rimmer.

I'll leave you to your rimming

[McMuffin]

Enigma, on Jan 25 2009, 10:49, said:

You will need a pit prison to keep captives.

That's a great shout, a pit might not be doable (laminate floor) but I definately need a separate area for any invaders we capture. We can experiment on them, if they're gays we can treat their gayness using beer, Xbox and close male-male contact in an enclosed, darkened space with only time on our side.