[Philomena McCann]

Currencyboy, on Sep 10 2007, 16:55, said:

Just Joan and that other bint from the Sun had better watch out.

Auntie Phil, when the local filth start asking uncomfy questions, what's the quickest way to leave the country?

See, yer gettin' ahead ae yersel here.

First, when those filthy corrupt foreign basturts start talkin shite ye need to hire a publicist. Set up wan o those blog thingys ah read aboot in Woman's Weekly. That'll teach them.

Once that's aw sorted, ye just make the secret sign (aw good Catholics ken whit ah'm talkin' aboot!) an the Pope sorts it aw oot.

[gc_smfc]

Calpol, suffocating or selling it on????

[philpy]

Dear auntie philomena,

I have severe ring-sting. Please help me..

[Raith Against The Machine]

philpy, on Sep 10 2007, 19:10, said:

Dear auntie philomena,

I have severe ring-sting. Please help me..

Signed, Maddie.

(Going to hell for that one too, my bad.)

[CRM]

[Philomena McCann]

philpy, on Sep 10 2007, 19:10, said:

Dear auntie philomena,

I have severe ring-sting. Please help me..

Well son, ah've got tae be honest here, ah'm no a doctor. But Gerry is. Ah'll gie him a call.

Haud oan.

[StandFree03]

Phil, what do you make of the latest revelation from the Portugese Police? Do you think they planted this latest bit of evidence?

You fat hoor

x

[Philomena McCann]

Philomena McCann, on Sep 10 2007, 20:25, said:

Well son, ah've got tae be honest here, ah'm no a doctor. But Gerry is. Ah'll gie him a call.

Haud oan.

Sedatives.... that's his bloody answer tae everything.

[KnightswoodBear]

Philomena McCann, on Sep 10 2007, 20:28, said:

Sedatives.... that's his bloody answer tae everything.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!! !!

[Philomena McCann]

gc_smfc, on Sep 10 2007, 17:05, said:

Calpol, suffocating or selling it on????

Ah've nae idea whit yer talkin aboot.

[Latino Lover]

Mrs McCann, does that picture make a wobbleboard noise when tweaked correctly? Perhaps you could give Don't you forget about me a Rolf Harris vibe.

[Philomena McCann]

StandFree03, on Sep 10 2007, 20:27, said:

Phil, what do you make of the latest revelation from the Portugese Police? Do you think they planted this latest bit of evidence?

You fat hoor

x

Ye want to ken whit ah think aboot them bammers? Ah ken ah've been telt no to say onything aboot the polis but they're aw a bunch ae w**ks. They're toatally tryin to stitch up oor Gerry. Gerry wanted tae hire a car to get rid ae some carpets or somethin just afore he went tae Rome, and the polis were aw like "si senor, take this car". Toatal stitch up. But ah'm no sayin any more.

[Philomena McCann]

Ron Burgundy, on Sep 10 2007, 19:03, said:

Dear Aunty Philomena,

I have a relative using a heinous situation to get the attention she has craved which she usually satiates with frequent trips to the local patisserie.

It would normally not bother me but it would appear her sticking her fat oar in the mix has resulted in the police taking the hump.

What should I do?

Goan get me a steak bake fi Greggs, Gerry-son. Cheers.

[Philomena McCann]

Latino Lover, on Sep 10 2007, 20:32, said:

Mrs McCann, does that picture make a wobbleboard noise when tweaked correctly? Perhaps you could give Don't you forget about me a Rolf Harris vibe.

Ah actually got them tae make those oot ae edible rice paper in case ah wis hungry. Got through 21 in the first 3 weeks! It's actually a life-size pitchur ae wee Maddie. But the dirty basturtin greasy Portugese polis telt us no tae mention that. It's aw a stitch up. They just want us tae shut up but ah'll tell ye, Philomena McCann doesnae stand back.

[xbl]

Dunc, on Sep 10 2007, 19:27, said:

Signed, Maddie.

(Going to hell for that one too, my bad.)

Brilliance!

[kiwififer]

I shouldn't laugh, but this is the best thread on here. Ever.

I'll get the first round in when we all go to hell!



I have found some blood stains in a car I've just rented. I've tried fabreeze and vanish, but the stain's not going away. Any tips?

[Whistle Blower]

Auntie Phil

Do you have room in your hectic schedule to look into the colapsed 'Worlds End' murder trial ?

[H_B]

Whistle Blower, on Sep 11 2007, 11:02, said:

Do you have room in your hectic schedule to look into the colapsed 'Worlds End' murder trial ?

Of course she does - why do you think it collapsed?

To think the scientific community have been united on the DNA subject for years, and it took a fat, unemployed heiffer from Ullapool to end the whole charade.

[pub car king]

alf hucker i thought you had retired. anyway auntie phil what is the best way to get out of an international extradition order

[Whistle Blower]

Hieronymous_Bosch, on Sep 11 2007, 11:13, said:

Of course she does - why do you think it collapsed?

To think the scientific community have been united on the DNA subject for years, and it took a fat, unemployed heiffer from Ullapool to end the whole charade.

I thought she was a school teacher