[Philomena McCann]

Hullo everybody!

Ah see ye've aw been talkin' aboot me oan that other thread about our puir wee Maddy. Ye've been a wee bit harsh, but that's awright. Auntie Philomena disnae hawd any grudges.

So, ah'm here tae answer ony questions you might have. Mind, forensics are my speciality.

P.S. Sniffer dugs are p'sh. Thought ah'd save yese askin'.

[Whistle Blower]

[footiechick]

If I accidentally give my child a full bottle of Kalpol, would this show up in a post mortem??

[RedV]

footiechick, on Sep 10 2007, 15:26, said:

If I accidentally give my child a full bottle of Kalpol, would this show up in a post mortem??

Oooohhhhhh........

[Philomena McCann]

footiechick, on Sep 10 2007, 15:26, said:

If I accidentally give my child a full bottle of Kalpol, would this show up in a post mortem??

Here to help dear.

Ye see Kalpol's made up of aw different sorts ae chemicals. Chemicals are also found in swimming pools. Madeleine went swimming every day in Portugal. So even if a post-mortem did show up some chemicals, it would prove nuthin.

[Latino Lover]

hello Auntie Ron! you cheeky scamp

[Philomena McCann]

Cowden_1_Raith_0, on Sep 10 2007, 15:24, said:

Ok, cooking a child what's the best way?

And what's the best dish to serve with?

Thanks in advance B)

Chips. Loads ae lovely chips. I love chips ah do.

As for the cookin....{EDIT: ma lawyers told me to snip this bit oot}... but mind an remove the lemon from their arsehole afore servin.

[Monster]

Do you think I will get many hot chicks writing to me in the child-killer wing of the Portuguese prison?

[Thundermonkey]

I'm thinking about setting up a fund of some sort to help less fortunate 32 year olds get on in life. What would you say was the best way to go about this?

[The Old Northerner]

Philomena McCann, on Sep 10 2007, 15:31, said:

As for the cookin....{EDIT: ma lawyers told me to snip this bit oot}... but mind an remove the lemon from their arsehole afore servin.

[Philomena McCann]

Monster, on Sep 10 2007, 15:32, said:

Do you think I will get many hot chicks writing to me in the child-killer wing of the Portuguese prison?

Gerry son, how ur ye keep....aw haud oan a minute.

Sneaky basturts. Guid try, ah'm no fallin' for that.

[Savage Henry]

I have a question. Do you have the number for a good childminder? Me and the missus are going out for a rather lary posh do, you know, Hugh and Jemima, Rupert, the Collington-Smithes at the Ivy, and we don't want the children up to their usual tricks. Thanks for the help.

[H_B]

Can you explain to us the difference between DNA and chromosomes?

Also, who shot JFK?

[Philomena McCann]

Thundermonkey, on Sep 10 2007, 15:32, said:

I'm thinking about setting up a fund of some sort to help less fortunate 32 year olds get on in life. What would you say was the best way to go about this?

Go an speak to Killgore & Sons. They're a pair of 'finanshul advisers' in the East End ae Glasgow. They ken hee-haw aboot stocks, shares and aw that shite but they'll gie ye some different ideas aboot how to make money.

[Savage Henry]

Hieronymous_Bosch, on Sep 10 2007, 15:35, said:

Can you explain to us the difference between DNA and chromosomes?

Also, who shot JFK?

And apropos of the JFK question, what sort of a name is Philomena?

[shetlandbairn]

Someone go over to the Mirror/Sun/NOTW etc. forums and link to this thread. Go on...

[Philomena McCann]

Hieronymous_Bosch, on Sep 10 2007, 15:35, said:

Can you explain to us the difference between DNA and chromosomes?

Also, who shot JFK?

DNA stands for Drugs 'N' Aw-that. It refers to aw the drugs that are foond in everybody naturally. So aw that baws aboot DNA in the boot is a load of baws. Everyone has Drugs 'N' Aw-that - that proves nuthin. Chromosomes are the same sort of stuff, except it's what poofters have.

JFK? Nae idea. Probably some proddie basturt.

[Whistle Blower]

If you kid had a genetic disease, would it be OK to go through IVF to have twins, and increase the chance of one of the twins having a gene that could cure your kid ?

And if this didn't work would it be OK morally to kill the kid with the genetic problem ?

[Philomena McCann]

stennyhibee, on Sep 10 2007, 15:24, said:

What's the best way to remove shit stains from bed sheets?

Acid. Bottles and bottles of pure, undiluted hydrochloric acid.

[Philomena McCann]

Jim Pansy, on Sep 10 2007, 15:37, said:

And apropos of the JFK question, what sort of a name is Philomena?

It's a guid Catholic name. Next!

[Philomena McCann]

Jim Pansy, on Sep 10 2007, 15:35, said:

I have a question. Do you have the number for a good childminder? Me and the missus are going out for a rather lary posh do, you know, Hugh and Jemima, Rupert, the Collington-Smithes at the Ivy, and we don't want the children up to their usual tricks. Thanks for the help.

Childminders are for posh middle-class basturts. Yer bairns'll be awright if you check oan them every couple of hoors.

[Philomena McCann]

Whistle Blower, on Sep 10 2007, 15:41, said:

If you kid had a genetic disease, would it be OK to go through IVF to have twins, and increase the chance of one of the twins having a gene that could cure your kid ?

And if this didn't work would it be OK morally to kill the kid with the genetic problem ?

Ah dinne ken how twins would help oot if ye hud a genital disease. Better sendin' the dirty wee shite tae the clap clinic. Kids these days, it's an effing disgrace. If any ae mah weans had that, too bloody right ah'd kill them.

[dubs]

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