[The Real Saints]

As some of you may be aware, I have been away for the past three days. For my summer holidays, I went to the Strathclyde Hilton. I advise you to never even think of Strathclyde as a possible holiday destination, as it may well be the worst thing that you've ever experienced in your life.
My mum, dad and I began our journey by going to IKEA in Paisley. Yes, IKEA! In Paisley! I don't know what they were thinking.
Anyway, I spent an hour and a half there trolling around, while my parents searched for a cupboard they wanted. They finally found it, so it was time to go to the checkout. I was almost ecstatic that we were set to leave for the Strathclyde Hilton at last, and thought that things couldn't get possibly worse. I was wrong. While in the queue at the checkout, a little boy in front of me shat his pants. Yes, he literally shat his pants. Everyone nearby basically ran for cover, with their hands over their noses. The place absolutely reeked, and I was very, very close to spewing my load.
Meanwhile, I had unbearable hunger pangs. I hadn't had lunch, so was hoping to get a hot dog at IKEA, but that rank little boy put me off eating anything.
I couldn't get out of that place soon enough, and was looking forward to getting to the Strathclyde Hilton for a nice, relaxing swim.
However, we had to find our car first, in the massive IKEA car park. We spent about half an hour looking for our car before we eventually found it. We then travelled to the Hilton, getting lost on the way of course, with my mum and dad shouting at each other all the way there. It was a nightmare. We finally got there though, with hopes that our holiday would finally take a turn for the good.
Hopes turned to despair when we were told that the pool was out of bounds for the day, because of 'a few little accidents'. Yes, someone had taken a dump in the pool.
I suppose there were a few good points to the holiday. M&D's was decent enough. The food wasn't however. We went to the nearest Brewer's Fayre for tea, and I asked for a burger, which arrived 35 minutes later. It was completely solid. I was very unimpressed, but ate it anyway because I was hungry. I then felt ill for the rest of the night.
So, as much as a holiday to Strathclyde may seem tempting to you, don't go there!

This post has been edited by The Real Saints: 13 July 2007 - 22:02

[SaintSam]

Why would anyone go to Strathclyde for a holiday?

[Gaz]

You should have had alarm bells ringing when your mum and dad said "we're thinking of going on holiday to Strathclyde".

[Fudge]

I feel sorry for you.

[RiG]

SaintSam, on Jul 11 2007, 16:17, said:

Why would anyone go to Strathclyde for a holiday?

Why would anyone want to go to Paisley?

[Johnstoun]

Its currently 'B+' material, but if you retitle it 'Summer 2007, My Experiences of Watching Jakey Bairns Shite Their Breeks' an 'A' is going to be all yours come the start of term.

[SaintSam]

"Lets go on holiday, to IKEA"

[dubs]

Thats a shame like.

Do they beat you?

This post has been edited by dubya: 11 July 2007 - 15:20

[Fuctifano]

I think your parents have passed on their native intelligence to you.

[Wug]

Really, what were you expecting? Although it could have been worse, you could have come to Inverclyde.

[Gaz]

I've actually no idea if this is true or some kind of huge whoosh.

[Monster]

Further to that blindingly obvious question, why wouldn't anyone be aware that IKEA, Hilton Hotels and Brewers Fayres are not Strathclydes gift to the world?

[Bryan]

johnjag, on Jul 11 2007, 16:24, said:

It's handy for IKEA.

Glasgow is handier

[The Real Saints]

There was nowhere else to go! We were hoping to go to Greece, but couldn't find any good deals! My mum said we were going to Strathclyde, and it would be a laugh. It definitely wasn't.

[The Real Saints]

Synex, on Jul 11 2007, 16:21, said:

I think your parents have passed on their native intelligence to you.

How? I'm lost..

[Monster]

The Real Saints, on Jul 11 2007, 16:29, said:

There was nowhere else to go! We were hoping to go to Greece, but couldn't find any good deals! My mum said we were going to Strathclyde, and it would be a laugh. It definitely wasn't.

[Pink Freud]

NOt a bad windup, but really, what gave it away was your mum saying it would be a laugh.

[Bryan]

barry lavety is a fat junkie, on Jul 11 2007, 16:21, said:

Really, what were you expecting? Although it could have been worse, you could have come to Inverclyde.

our new tesco extra is great

[Bryan]

The Real Saints, on Jul 11 2007, 16:29, said:

There was nowhere else to go! We were hoping to go to Greece, but couldn't find any good deals! My mum said we were going to Strathclyde, and it would be a laugh. It definitely wasn't.

i can think many great things to do in the glasgow area, going to IKEA and a Brewers Fayre aint any of them...

[Fuctifano]

The Real Saints, on Jul 11 2007, 16:30, said:

How? I'm lost..

QED.

[Mushroom]

Strathclyde is fucking massive actually.

There are far nicer bits that Paisley, in fact everywhere is nicer than Paisley, except possibly the Gaza Strip.



If you want a holiday in Strathclyde, go to somewhere like Oban, Mull, Islay, Jura, Arran, Largs, Saltcoats, or any small town or village that is more than 45 minutes from Glasgow.

I will be spending 3 days in a place in Strathclyde and I fully expect to enjoy it, that is maily because my parents won't be there and I doubt neds have ever set foot in it, because it has a population of around 25

This post has been edited by ochil-clyde: 11 July 2007 - 15:49

[Monster]

SALTCOATS?



You've never been then?

[Mushroom]

Monster, on Jul 11 2007, 16:52, said:

SALTCOATS?



You've never been then?

no

It has a beach, but there again so does Fife

[Reina]

ochil-clyde, on Jul 11 2007, 16:54, said:

no

It has a beach, but there again so does Fife

Fife has a beach. Well done.