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Birds!


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I was going to put this in the Top Fives section, but as I'm only listing four in each category, that would just be rude.

My favourite birds are.....

1. Golden Eagle- Truly magnificent creature, whether in flight or perched, it's top Boi, also can pluck stranded lambs from rocky outcrops and could carry them to safety if it wasn't hungry.

2. Robin Red Breast- Christmas card favourite, cute and symbolic of winter! Where do they go in summer? Do they shed the red feathers and turn into fat sparrows?

3. Ostrich- I once rode an Ostrich in South Africa (insert Kenneth Williams gif). They can also rip your guts out with their talons, but I've met a few and none have done so. Pretty friendly IMO.

4. Penguin- for the parades and Lolz.

My least favourites are.

1. Seagulls- the obvious choice for the seaside dwelling chip lover. They also attack if you walk anywhere near their fledglings. Also have a dogging manoeuvre named after them...filth.

2. Toucan- never seen one and actually doubt if they exist, if they do, their collective agreement to advertise the oirish laxative makes them bad uns.

3. Budgie- annoying pets of old ladies, sometimes give you cheek and shout insults. Would receive a bang in the pus if they didn't hide in cages- also seem vain, as every one I've met spends a lot of their time looking in a mirror.

4. Pigeons- flying rats (except wood pigeon, which is tasty).

Birds I like to eat.

1. Duck

2. Chicken

3. Turkey

4. Pelican

Does anyone else like birds?

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Yes, yes it does. Our feathered friends are magnificent. You must have one that you like?

Maybe homing pigeons?

Morto

No none at all, you can't cuddle them & I'm a veg so I can't even enjoy eating any of them?

My gran had budgies when I was a kid but she's dead now & so are Polly & Joey.

Grimbo

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Oystercatchers are my nemesis of the natural world.

They belong on the mudflats (picking out worms using their specially evolved stupid beaks), we do not, and stay well away as we'd just die a horrible death. Therefore, why the f*** do they come inland and then constantly screech like a shot rabbit if you come within a ten mile radius of one of them?

Corncrakes in fields just outside of the place you're staying can also be a royal pain too.

I like Snowy Owls though, largely because I unintentionally got within three feet of one down a hole in the Highlands, and it followed me around for an afternoon. Only sighting in Scotland that year. Barn Owls can bugger off back to the kids book they came from though. Eagle Owls have a good 'bad-ass, don't give a fcuk' look to them on the other hand.

The Hooded Crow and Rook which visit my garden have a cool "whazzup, yo' look, so I'll add them too. The Magpie is overrated.

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Ostriches are fucking terrifying IMO. A modern day velociraptor. Luckily there are so few left in the wild in Fife it's a rare occasion when I have to fight one off on the way to work.

I see your ostrich and raise you a cassowary. The clue's in the name... be wary about them or they'll claw your face off and roundhouse kick you for afters.

amazing-australia.jpg

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