wintonfan Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 being serious here but kinda telling my story, havent posted on here in a while but I will come to that as a boy I went to winton primary next to winton park, we held our school sports days there so I was always used to being around the place, then at about the age of 12 my late dad thought it would be a good idea to take me to watch the rovers, as he had done as a boy. He used to tell me about how as a boy he chipped the old cement off thed breezeblocks that are now part of the wall as they had came from the shell refinery post war. I became a bit loud at football at an early age probably because everyone else was shouting and bawling, plus there was a passion about your local team. I followed the winton all over from about 13 to the age of 20, hardly missing a game either going with dad or my uncle jim, away trips to aberdeen, dundee, kirkaldy etc. Great days, I still shouted and swore on the terraces like nothing else and got a reputation foor being a bit of a headcase even though i never drank alcohol folk thought i was a pisshead. I didnt need alcohol, football was my drug. Then just before my 21st dad passed away after a 4 year battle with cancer, i couldnt face looking at winton park never mind going to a game, then thanks probably to my mum i started going back, that was in 97-98 season the year we won the ayrshire 2nd. of course old habits die hard, and my language became colorful again, tbh i didnt care, anyone said anything against the winton and my gob went into overdrive yet after the 90 minutes I was the gentleman. This carried on for a few years until my mum's failing health meant taking care of her was more important than going to football. Of course by this time I had a new outlet for my spleen, pie and bovril where not only did my gob go into overdrive but my index fingers did too. Mum passed away in 2010 and of course I was bored and thought i would go back to the match, about 25 minutes into my 1st game against the buffs the aggression started again, i put it down to being at a game again and it was my way of getting rid of it as i had done for the previous 20 odd years. i mind the relegation decider against kilsyth a few years ago where i screamed, yelled and cried my way through the 90 minutes. this carried on until the end of last season where after an argument with the chairman about his dog saw me asked not to return to winton park now 2 years ago i was diagnosed with severe depression and put on prozac and since then i have been undergoing regular counselling, i always thought the aggression at the match was caused by the atmosphere but it was more about me against the world, getting it out of your system as they say. the fact is I hated the person football turned me into, outside of the game I am not an aggressive person yet at the match i would fight with my shadow. yet at other sports mainly motor racing which i am involved in at the highest level I am not aggressive, i rarely swear and shouting is to convey instructions. Football and the depression which to be honest I have been suffering from for a hekll of a lot longer than 2 years it is more like 30 years. Dougie rae asking me to stay away from winton park probably did me a massive favour, i have realised that I dont want to be the total arsehole football turns me into, aye I miss the match like hell but in a lot of ways I am like a alky or smackhead, i have to stay clean for my own sanity, i know deep down I can never watch the winton again as I am scared the bad old person will return. I will always love the winton, the club will still get a bit of my will and I hope that they will still allow some of my ashes to be scattered on the pitch when my time comers. I suppose on this post I want to use it to apologise to everyone I have pissed off over the last 30 years because of me basically being a twat. that goes to players, refs, fans all of you. i am not blaming the depression but aye i was ill but at least now I have realised that football is one of my main triggers. aye i'll always look for the winton scores and wish them well and aye i am not leaving here but at least any posts will be generally constructive.. cheers al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bc57 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Respect to you sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ardcol Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 One of the best and bravest posts I've read on here, all the very best to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wishyman Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Good on you mate. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Glad you got it diagnosed and the meds are helping. Citalopram gives you wings! ;-) stay safe man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hertha_BJFC Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Yup the post is one I can both relate to and also help people with inner demons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilwinning Ranger Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Wintonfan I have not always agreed with you over the years but well done for coming and saying this it really does put Football into prospective All the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larky55 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Enjoyed reading your post, w. Good luck & best wishes. What roads do you drive on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colliebhoy Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Well done mate hope all is well for you in the future...big respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Prez Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 A world o good to you bud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheep77 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 A very touching story all the best to u in the future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victor meldrew Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 All the best with your difficult battle against a horrible illness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellow card Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Well done , took a lot of balls to post that , good luck to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLESGABOY Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Good for you fella. If your hearts as big as your balls (and I`m certain it is) you`ll overcome. If you can spare the time there are several voluntary organisations that would love to have you share/mentor others who would benefit from your experience and courage. All the best... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintonfan Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 cheers folks, means a lot. In a lot of ways I am just totalled with the arsehole I become at the match, in motorsport I have been fortunate enough to be involved in marshalling and rescue at the highest levels. his year I was 1 of only 5 scottish marshals to be invited to the british GP, looking at my facebook and seeing friends there, drivers that okay arent quite F1 but compete in touring cars, british GT as well as a load of club racing, marshals that have done everything around the world, these guys are real mates. Yet if they knew my other side, the dickhead that stands on terraces venting spew to all and sundry, suffice to say most would not want to know me. i guess i have to leave that behind me, i have read the hoolie books and aye most are a lot of crap but one thing is true when they all say that football is a drug that affects you like nothing else and like an alky you cant have the occasional dram or you would be downing a bottle a day. I am fortunate in a lot of ways, i have a partner i love to bits and she saw my darkside once at dalry and it almost cost me her, i also have my wee dug Suzie who means the world to me. I dont want her being scared of her daddy. So aye I'm walking away, perhaps now the folk at AWR might see me as al the nice, decent bloke as opposed to al the arsehole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitburn exile Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 A great post and respect for posting. If anuyone wants more info I can recomend living with a black dog which explains what it's like to be with someone who suffers. Also I have a black dog if you have depression/mental health issues is a book I would highly reccomend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
connolly81 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Well done mate I applaud you. I know from my experience you'll have gained so much from just typing that post. Stay safe pal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glensmad Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steish Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 If your an arsehole at the fitba then what the fcuk am ah? Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HitmanHartOfficial Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Very good and brave post . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerr Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Deansy m8 hope ur ok m8 Ano uv had a lot of shit goin on in ur head u support killie enuff said here's a pic will cheer u up.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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