Andy_K_97 Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Reading through The Tartan Special One the other day (again) made me wonder how exactly it would look as a film. And then I started wondering what actors would play the characters etc., and before long I got thinking: what films should exist, but don't? I reckon with the hivemind of p&b we can get a few pitched. Here's mine: Liam Neeson, after many years of starring in films such as Taken and other films that are incredibly similar, is drunk on success (and cheap white cider) and can no longer tell the difference from when he's acting on camera and real life. As a result, his accent has gone totally to pot and has settled somewhere on a booming Ian Paisley-esque dialect. To make matters even worse for our man, he's ended up incredibly hungover in Perth, not knowing how or why he ended up there after a boozy sesh in London. While looking for his supposedly kidnapped daughter (who doesn't actually exist) he bumps into the Mongo Army on Tayside Derby day and ends up going on all sorts of madcap adventures with them. So, p&b, what other films are out there, waiting to be made? Edited because I said Mongo Brigade, not Mongo Army. Don't wanna mix the two up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 The Guys Mentioned this before, but a prequel to The Other Guys. It's all about The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson's characters going around being the biggest bad ass, maverick mutha fuckin policeman in the USA, following them around being ridiculously over the top like the first five minutes of that film, culminating in their tragic aim for the bushes. There would also be a mystery gangster they're trying to track down for the whole film, who would turn out to be Gator. None of this will make sense if you haven't seen The Other Guys but if that's the case you deserve to be confused, it's a cracking film. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Al Pacino plays a Tourette's sufferer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 The Unusual Suspects Bunch of cripples and Kevin plan and carry out a heist. Nobody knows who planned it or where the money went. They get brought in for questioning. The cops can't figure out who did it, or what happened to the money, and have to let some of them go. Kevin strides out of the station ably bodied as ever, then slowly starts getting floppy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Carry on Rangers....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gall09 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Would undoubtedly be shit, but would love to see a Scottish version of The Warriors. A Glasgow gang trying to get home after a summer's day out at Ayr beach and all trains are off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DigOutYourSoul Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 The Guys Mentioned this before, but a prequel to The Other Guys. It's all about The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson's characters going around being the biggest bad ass, maverick mutha fuckin policeman in the USA, following them around being ridiculously over the top like the first five minutes of that film, culminating in their tragic aim for the bushes. There would also be a mystery gangster they're trying to track down for the whole film, who would turn out to be Gator. None of this will make sense if you haven't seen The Other Guys but if that's the case you deserve to be confused, it's a cracking film. I suspect this has been mentioned and talked about by the producers but i guess scripts would need written and The Rock is now commanding massive fees so it could be a costly one. Anything like the other guys would be good in my book though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAFC Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Star Wars - return of the empire Darth Vader and co kick the shit out of everyone and blow up the Ewok planet at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LongTimeLurker Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 John Galt's Ringan Gilhaize for some authentic unapologetic Lowland Scots Presbyterian history. Would set the tone in the aftermath of the No victory for a Scotland that has finally moved away from the false kilts and bagpipes pseudo-Jacobite identity generated by Victorian era Romanticism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Star Wars - return of the empire Darth Vader and co kick the shit out of everyone and blow up the Ewok planet at the end. Great idea but seeing as Vader snuffed it at the end of Return of the Jedi it would be a bit tricky. However... as the new evil Lord of the Sith laughs at the smouldering remains of Endor he lifts his helmet up to chew on a piece of roast Ewok and reveals himself to be.. DARTH JAR-JAR BINKS. Mwah hah hah... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAFC Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Great idea but seeing as Vader snuffed it at the end of Return of the Jedi it would be a bit tricky. However... as the new evil Lord of the Sith laughs at the smouldering remains of Endor he lifts his helmet up to chew on a piece of roast Ewok and reveals himself to be.. DARTH JAR-JAR BINKS. Mwah hah hah... I meant to replace Return Of The Jedi but I do like the sound of an evil Jar Jar. Meesa killa you alla little hairy punkaaas. Makes more sense than putting pensioners in a new film franchise. Star Wars VII - Return of The Turkey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hipster Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Steven segal as a retired CIA agent whose family has been kidnapped or murdered and he wants revenge cause he hasn't done one of those before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bhoy who invented weetabix Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Brokeback Mountain 2 Starring Jennifer Lawrence and Katy Perry Woof Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casual Bystander Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jock001 Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Steven segal as a retired CIA agent whose family has been kidnapped or murdered and he wants revenge cause he hasn't done one of those before You should try searching out Lone Wolf McQuaid. Chuck Norris is a Texas Ranger and ex marine. The bad guys almost kill his daughter and do kill her boyfreind, Then they kill his ex partner. Later they beat him up and shoot him and his current partners a bit. Towards the end they shoot chuck's daughter before killing chuck's woman. By this point Mr Norris is quite motivated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyle Lanley Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 The Fall of Glasgow Rangers. I would love to see a "proper film" of the 1745 rebellion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint dave Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Would undoubtedly be shit, but would love to see a Scottish version of The Warriors. A Glasgow gang trying to get home after a summer's day out at Ayr beach and all trains are off. I'm sure there was a thread on here somewhere that p&bers added to.think it got as far as trying to get from Queen st to Central station via Bennett's ( in place of the Lizzie's). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 The Fall of Glasgow Rangers. I would love to see a "proper film" of the 1745 rebellion. Quick then. It's due to start in about quarter of an hour. What are we rebelling against? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 How's this going? No-one turned up. Quarter to six on a Sunday is a bad time for a revolution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 No here- they'll have had their tea..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.