[gingapar]

Andy C, on 10 February 2012 - 01:30, said:

I had the fortune to be in the same class as a big, daft delight called Wullie Vanbeck.

Highlights in Wullie's school career were...

Bringing in a massive universal remote control to change the channel when he knew we were getting a video. This thing stuck out the top of his rucksack, needed two people to hold it and a professional boxer to punch the buttons in. Hilarity ensued when the teacher couldn't understand why the tele kept switching over.

Throwing another of our classmates around a dog shit strewn field like an empty tracksuit after said classmate was mental enough to get on Wullie's bad side.

Best of all though, bringing in his Mum's dildo that he must have found earlier that morning on a treasure hunt of his parent's bedroom cupboards. This thing was nearly as big as his universal remote control and had a wee smiley face painted on it. Hilarity once again ensued when he started waving it around his head when the teacher was looking the other way.

Big Wullie VB = Legend.

Assuming we're thinking of the same guy, I mind him being set about on the school bus by a couple of renowned bullies one day. The net result was two shattered bullies, a window hanging out the frame and WVB sitting in his seat completely non plussed as though a gentle spring breeze had whisped past.

I'll assume you'll also be aware of a certain lanky simpleton by the name of Stephen Green. I have many stories regarding him but alas, none school related.

[kilbirniefan]

SoapMactavish, on 10 February 2012 - 14:16, said:

My Uncle went to Garnock, is called Ally, and that sounds exactly the kind of thing he would do

I'm sure its happened on many occasions!

TheBeither, on 10 February 2012 - 14:34, said:

I'm 23. Not too sure who the guy was. Pretty sure someone was letting off fireworks in the science block corridors at one point aswell

Sure that wasn't Mr Gemmel that was letting the fireworks off?

[uni]

One of the more surreal moments in my primary school life was walking into the toilets I must have been in P4 and some kids who was a few years younger than me just said "Hi Mister, I've just been sick and it's brown, just like pooh." I was more confused by the fact at the grand old age of 8 I was called "mister".

[Erin Go Bragh]

Most of the best moments in school came from my loveable but thick as f**k mate, Christ that boy was a legend. Some of his antics include:

Doing his Higher English Exam on Harry Potter.

Writing said exam on the characterisation of Gandalf in Harry Potter.

Being asked in front of the class who the leader of the Austro-Hungarian Empire was, and answering Wesley Snipes. His logic was "the name came in to my head, so I thought it might be true".

Playing the orgasm game (bogies but with orgasm noises) and getting carried away, with everyone looking at his camp orgasm noises.

Writing a story in English about a man who wanted to f**k his dog.

Asking a guy to the school leaving party, "for a joke". (that was Primary School)

Shiting himself on a night out (eat your heart out McKee)

Top lad.

[Long live the 69]

Jesus Christ, i'm gonna have a field day with this!

At our 6th year prom/graduation, we (prefects) were given the responsibilty of giving awards for everyone in our year (i got the "Gay best friend" incidently ) but a "neddy" girl in my year had been going out with a 1st year (and done 'stuff'. Source: herself), so being pre-anti secterian times, I took it upon myself to suggest she got the "Jock Stein award". Safe to say, she & the headteachers weren't very happy.

During 5th year (I think), I used to dog English as i really couldn't be fucked with it. On a Tuesday & Friday we'd have it after lunch, so i'd spend 55mins in the boys toilets waiting for the next subject to come (because the toilets were still open). On one occasion, the day after we got our exam results back (which i never bothered going in for) i found everyone bar 1 (male & female) in the boys toilets hiding from Mrs Livingston. Some time later in the year, i walked in to find a younger guy sitting in one of the sinks having a w**k. I told everyone about this, and that's why i got my prom award.

The best story i think is during my final 6th year Modern Studies exam. This was around 2pm in the day, and in a large gym hall, only rows D, E & F were being used. So it's halfway through the paper, and all of a sudden we hear a crash at the back of the hall. Maybe a jacket falling or something? No. Turns out one of the invigilators decided to sit on the wee desks you use, and the thing crumbled under her. We all turned round & whilst keeping a motionless face, she confidently said "I apolgise for the disturbance, please continue".


Ah i loved school.

This post has been edited by Long live the 69: 10 February 2012 - 16:26

[Junkers83]

I was a good little girl at school. I always studied hard and made sure not to get in with the wrong crowd, I even let some of the teachers have their way with me... (only the good looking ones ) If youve got it flaunt it is what i always say

[Haters Gonna Hate]

Junkers83, on 10 February 2012 - 16:31, said:

I was a good little girl at school. I always studied hard and made sure not to get in with the wrong crowd, I even let some of the teachers have their way with me... (only the good looking ones ) If youve got it flaunt it is what i always say

Why are you pretending to be female?

[Hedgecutter]

DA Baracus, on 10 February 2012 - 14:15, said:

I had said German teacher in standar grade. Suffice to say, the term 'stop foooooooootering' became common.

Ah, Frau Cow.

I even had a 'behavioural timetable' just for her class despite getting glowing reports from every other teacher I had. I only got one set of lines during the whole of my school life and that was in 6th year for giving a mate my chemistry homework to copy so he wouldn't get any - stupid bugger copied it word for word. Anyway, she didn't like me so I didn't like her - that's how it rolled. I was actually accused of throwing those coins to begin with. Suspect No.1, which is quite an unwanted honour considering some of the nutters in that class. I've also this minute just remembered the electronic parrot that shouted 'f**k-yoooou-cha!' that I brought back from Japan at the time and drove her up the wall with.

Other notable teachers included the Latin / japanese teacher who used to punch the shit out of his filing cabinet, leaving several dents to scare the pupils and an RE teacher who had a toilet pass sellotaped to a toilet seat to act as a deterrent for leaving and would smash a hockey stick off your table if you happened to be day dreaming or whatever.

[Junkers83]

Haters Gonna Hate, on 10 February 2012 - 16:37, said:

Why are you pretending to be female?

because im sexy and i know it

[dan_ict]

One of my best friends Callum made my German teacher's life hell. She was German so we all laughed at her accent anyway. Some of Callum's antics included shining a laser pen in her eye, farting on her and the best one : Leaving a used condom that we found on the pitch on her desk. She picked it up and started waving it about going doolally. There was still a bit of "discharge" in the johnny and after waving it about, it went in her eye. There was pandemonium in the classroom. Kids were suffocating as they were laughing to much. For months later, everyone took great delight in telling Mrs Kuntz To "Swallow next time". She left at the end of that year as did Callum, both leaving behind a legacy. I don't think anyone will ever top that at Kingussie High.

[Milevskiy]

I had an American RE teacher in first year who was too nice in a way. Any way once a few bibles fell from the bookshelf and she just errupted and went "OH MY GOD, THE WORD OF GOD IS ON THE FLOOR!". Best one however was when she was giving someone into trouble and said "WHO WIPES YOUR FANNY IN THE MORNING?!" she obviously never knew why we were in stitches and I think it was a girl she said it to who was left mortified.

[Junkers83]

dan_ict, on 10 February 2012 - 17:14, said:

One of my best friends Callum made my German teacher's life hell. She was German so we all laughed at her accent anyway. Some of Callum's antics included shining a laser pen in her eye, farting on her and the best one : Leaving a used condom that we found on the pitch on her desk. She picked it up and started waving it about going doolally. There was still a bit of "discharge" in the johnny and after waving it about, it went in her eye. There was pandemonium in the classroom. Kids were suffocating as they were laughing to much. For months later, everyone took great delight in telling Mrs Kuntz To "Swallow next time". She left at the end of that year as did Callum, both leaving behind a legacy. I don't think anyone will ever top that at Kingussie High.

I smell shite

[dan_ict]

Junkers83, on 10 February 2012 - 17:30, said:

I smell shite

No word of a lie, I swear to you.

[Junkers83]

dan_ict, on 10 February 2012 - 17:34, said:

No word of a lie, I swear to you.

Mrs Kuntz???

cmon...

you cant bullshit a bullshitter

[SteamingparBoz]

A friend of mine when we were in 5th year got "whitewashed" by a group of 1st years. We all stood back and laughed . Even better was that he was a prefect.

I also remember two guys fighting so much they both had tears streaming down their faces. Was a sight to behold.

Another favourite: in our group of mates one lad was getting ribbed constantly by another for being slightly overweight. He snapped one day and bodyslammed him completely out the blue, I swear I couldn't breathe for laughing for about 15 minutes!

[dan_ict]

Junkers83, on 10 February 2012 - 17:39, said:

Mrs Kuntz???

cmon...

you cant bullshit a bullshitter

Sorry, that part is a lie. It was Mrs Kunzt. I just realised that there

[SodjesSixteenIncher]

Erin Go Bragh, on 10 February 2012 - 15:50, said:

Most of the best moments in school came from my loveable but thick as f**k mate, Christ that boy was a legend. Some of his antics include:

Being asked in front of the class who the leader of the Austro-Hungarian Empire was, and answering Wesley Snipes. His logic was "the name came in to my head, so I thought it might be true".

Legend
In the history class from the year before, the teacher tried the catching out the student who clearly isn't listening with a question technique. To her shock (as well as everyone else) he fired back with the correct answer. The question was something to do with the population increase in UK, and one of the answers was something to do with contraception. The lad was absolutely delighted with himself and from then on excitedly stuck his hand up to answer every question.

Teacher: Can anyone explain what laissez-faire is?
Mate: Is it contraception?

Teacher: What caused the Irish potato famine?
Mate: It was Contraception?

Etc, etc.
The teacher thought he was taking the piss, but he genuinely wasn't.

He also enraged our media studies teacher after a year of critically examining The Matrix by constantly referencing the main character 'Neil' in his nab.

This post has been edited by SodjesSixteenIncher: 10 February 2012 - 17:50

[Hedgecutter]

SteamingparBoz, on 10 February 2012 - 17:40, said:

A friend of mine when we were in 5th year got "whitewashed" by a group of 1st years. We all stood back and laughed .

I got on the school bus once and all the 6th years with a few days of school left were down the front of the top deck where all the first-years sat. You know the score... the older you get, the further back you can go. Some kids' dream is to sit on that back seat with the guy in the middle being the alpha male.

So, the first years came on and are a bit miffed about the situation. The 6th years say to them that they can have the back seats as they quite like it down there for a change. The first years go up to the back, living the dream and all that, only for the 6th years to then charge them and beat the shit out of them. Kids trapped upside down between seats, wedgies left right and centre, puddles of tears, you get the picture.

[10 CC ICT]

That's not nice. Fucking bullies.

[Hedgecutter]

10 CC ICT, on 10 February 2012 - 18:05, said:

That's not nice. Fucking bullies.

My hands are blood-free, but sometimes you need to know your place and that you have to earn it.

I also remember having a massive paper fight on the bus with folk ripping their jotters apart to the point you were over ankle deep with paper balls wherever you went. There was even a 'paper-fall' down the steps to the deck below. It was like going to school in a ball-pit with wheels. They even had an emergency assembly about the whole fiasco for some reason.

Tannoy around the school: "Could all pupils who came to school on the 'Purple Bus' please come to the assembly hall immediately. You know why."


Actually, tannoy sounds a bit fancy for our school. More than likely it was a prefect taking a note from class to class seeing as I was given that task once.

I think the cruelest thing I did with my new prefect powers was ask a new 1st year for a hall pass while I was out of class myself, despite the school not having a hallpass code. When he said he wasn't given one, I lied and said I'd need to take him to the headteacher for skiving. At this point he burst into tears as it turned out he was lost. Hell beckons :-(

This post has been edited by Hedgecutter: 10 February 2012 - 18:39

[craigkillie]

Hedgecutter, on 10 February 2012 - 16:38, said:

I only got one set of lines during the whole of my school life and that was in 6th year for giving a mate my chemistry homework to copy so he wouldn't get any - stupid bugger copied it word for word.

My friend once "borrowed" a few sentences from me for a French essay.

The teacher handed it back, and the only comment was "Good work, Craig".

[wunfellaff]

I dont know re everyone else but it was bawz goin from being the top of the foodchain in Primrary to being a 1st year in Secondary.

It sucked, even over 30 years later.

[McKee]

Mrs M, on 10 February 2012 - 10:03, said:

And no one, not one of you, has connected piss and sewers to make a joke. Useless.

I did!

Andy C, on 10 February 2012 - 10:14, said:

Yes, your 'privileged' upbringing has served you well what with being unemployed and still requiring toilet training.
Never mind, you still have that acerbic wit about you...

To be honest Andy, I'd have traded it all away for just one face-to-face encounter with an alligator. That's one thing a 4-acre private garden can't provide.

[Dindeleux]

kilbirniefan, on 10 February 2012 - 15:03, said:

I'm sure its happened on many occasions!



Sure that wasn't Mr Gemmel that was letting the fireworks off?

What age are you Kilbirniefan?

[NotThePars]

A boy in my German class brought his imaginary friend Gary to class one day and gave him his own desk and chair before storming out the class half an hour in take Gary to the airport. To this day, no one knows if he genuinely believed Gary existed.