[Drooper]

mattydfc, on 10 February 2012 - 22:36, said:

The majority of my teachers were alcoholics.

If I were a teacher, I'd certainly be an alcoholic.

Most likely a dead alcoholic by now.

I made reference to my school trip to Norway earlier in the thread, with blackmail being mentioned.

Curiously enough, this is possibly the incident of which I am least proud.

I'd have been in 3rd year, and we went to Norway (just outside Bergen by Hardangerfjord, and stunning it was). It was ostensibly a geography field trip to explore the fasctinating geology etc., but we went along as it seemed like an opportunity for a carry on. Why else?

Anyway, I won't bore you with all the daft carry-on, but it did get a bit extreme at times, and I suspect we were fortunate to get out of the country, on the ferry, and home, without incurring the further wrath of the Norwegian authorities (they'd have had good reason).

I had been one of the ringleaders of the miscreant behaviour, and the teachers decided that, in order to avoid any further incident, and by way of a punishment, I would be confined to my cabin on the return journey. Needless to say, I wasn't having any of that. I then sought out said teachers - specifically targetting the younger, vulnerable variation, and advised that that as soon as we hit land, I'd be informing all who might have an interest that they had clearly failed to supervise us adequately because they were sitting in their own chalet having a few refreshments and whatever other shenanigans they might have indulged in. If they relented on my punishment, of course, such reporting wouldn't be necessary.

One of the teachers was reduced to tears, but relent they did.

At the time, I thought I was simply doing what I had to do. There was no malice in it, but I still look back on this with a degree of shame. The teachers were a decent bunch. Young (for the most part), enthusiastic, and they cut us a fair degree of slack. My sleekit, nasty wee blackmail tactic was pretty tawdry, and they didn't deserve it. If I could apologise to them even now, I would do it.

I can understand why they enjoyed a relaxing drink after a day supervising a shower of 12 - 16 year old scumbags like ourselves. I would have been hammering it if I was a teacher on that trip.

So, as I say, I can appreciate why teachers often become alcoholics. 14-year-old blackmailers wouldn't help.

This post has been edited by Drooper: 11 February 2012 - 09:48

[The Phoenix]

mattydfc, on 10 February 2012 - 22:36, said:

The majority of my teachers were alcoholics.

Understandable.

[gingapar]

I'll fling an RE story in. we'd been doing work on book roots, studying racism and slavery and no one was interested. Everyone would sit chatting, which the teacher largely ignored, only pulling one guy (johnny) up every time he spoke. Eventually the brief conversation went.

"right johnathan, outside"

To which he stood up and replied with gusto

"but Toby be good Nigger for Fiddler".

The whole class went purple, the boys laughing, the girls in 'we're mature now' disgust and the teacher in pure fury. Was a great cure for a thoroughly boring afternoon

[ayrunitedfw]

Doing my Duke of Edinburgh awards at some campsite. There was another couple of boys from a near-by school who were all sharing a tent. One of my mates had brought a condom as one of the girls had said she would shag him (ended up not happening) as she got a viral infection the day before.So we filled the Condom with milk and sat it outside the boys tent.

[wunfellaff]

SodjesSixteenIncher, on 11 February 2012 - 02:04, said:

I'm just in the door from a fine Edinburgh establishment by the name of the Phoenix. It's USP is definately it's jukey but table dancing?
Been drinking there since I was about 16 and have quite a rapport with its famous bald propriator but didn't know it's sordid history. Or am I thinking of a different place?

Right place , goin back a good while though. Very good at switching off the cctv in certain circumstances back then too was John , my favourite boozer in the city.

Wish they had never put that feckin bannister up though, much better open plan.

[YOGI IS GOD]

I remember fondly Int 1 Computing, all the computers had a programme called "Write Out Loud" which read out everything you typed into it. Everyone in class put the volume full up and it was like surround sound Stephen Hawking and you could write whatever you wanted about the teacher and they couldn't tell who typed it.


A guy in my primary once sneaked back into the classroom during lunchtime and did a jobby on one of the seats, the smell shall stay with me till my dying day.

[Tam M]

I don't really remember much from High School, but this is one that sticks in my mind.

I remember reading the NOTW one day and was suprised to see a photo of my Chemistry teacher, who was also the Head of the Department. She was being accused of holding some serbian guy hostage in her house.

Here is the link to the story: http://www.thefreeli......-a0118087080

She was always on the computer in the class on Yahoo mail.

She never returned whilst I was still there, but the next day I put it upon myself to place and advertisement on the School Noticeboard saying: Head of Chemistry Teacher Required... Free Access To All Sex Chatrooms. The other teachers took it down but could see them trying to keep a straight face.

[GingerSaint]

My Headteacher is in jail for child pornography.

[ThatBoyRonaldo]

One of my old english teachers once said he was going to the photocopier and would be back in five minutes.

He came back an hour later with a haircut.

[Drooper]

ThatBoyRonaldo, on 11 February 2012 - 14:31, said:

One of my old english teachers once said he was going to the photocopier and would be back in five minutes.

He came back an hour later with a haircut.

[NotThePars]

GingerSaint, on 11 February 2012 - 14:00, said:

My Headteacher is in jail for child pornography.

He got out over a year ago, he's probably reading this right now.

[The Troll]

GingerSaint, on 11 February 2012 - 14:00, said:

My Headteacher is in jail for child pornography.

My old English teacher ( ok to mention names?) was caught having flings with female students twice. The second time it happened he jamp off the Forth Road Bridge

[Cammy35]

Nothing that interesting happened at my school but one of my old English teachers (supply teacher) is now a comedy writer for Craig Ferguson's late show in the States. He also appeared in Rab C Nesbit once and had a brief spell as a stand up comedian, appearing on some talent show doing a skit about alka seltzer.

[Islay]

Quite a few stories but I will reminisce about one particular one just now. You could get away with quite a considerable amount with one of the French teachers at DHS. He was ridiculously sound and managed to get his students to learn while enjoying the class at the same time. I remember not wanting to perform my French speaking test for a part of the Standard grade assessments. No idea why, I just remember really not wanting to do it and was thinking of ways of getting out of it. I attempted to put it off for as long as possible and after about 90% of the class had been assessed he asked me if I wanted to get mine over and done with. For some inexplicable reason I just said with a very confused look on my face that I had done the test with him the week before. A complete lie but I winged it and described the entire fake situation with some nice detail of doing the test and informed him he had given me a grade 2 (I didn't want to risk saying a Grade 1 so I thought I would settle for a 2). He looked as bemused as I did as to why there was no grade next to my name. I must have been convincing as he then wrote a 2 next to my name and went after the others who had not performed the test. I saw him shopping in Dunfermline about a week ago, he hasn't aged a bit. A timeless hero.

[Hedgecutter]

Islay, on 11 February 2012 - 21:08, said:

For some inexplicable reason I just said with a very confused look on my face that I had done the test with him the week before.

I did a similar stupid thing in SG Art. I got bored of drawing green bottles of the start of 3rd year and decided to do one in red for a laugh. When my teacher asked me quite angrily why the hell I'd done that, being on the spot I proceeded to tell her that I was colour blind. She was immediately sorry but when half the class started giggling, she shouted 'It's not funny! How would you like it to be colour blind...!!!" at them all. Problem was I had to keep this story up and I succeeded for a couple of months before I was busted. Thankfully she found it rather entertaining which was pretty out of character and confusing to be honest.

This post has been edited by Hedgecutter: 11 February 2012 - 21:19

[Rock Legend SMFC]

ThatBoyRonaldo, on 11 February 2012 - 14:31, said:

One of my old english teachers once said he was going to the photocopier and would be back in five minutes.

He came back an hour later with a haircut.

During one of my younger years in high school, our French teacher Mr Scott said he was "going to the base for two minutes" and we actually never seen him again. Turns out he was caught having his sausage smoked, by the department head & was subsequently punted!

[bullywee]

one of the techy teachers i had left his wife for a pupil he used to teach.
another techy teacher went to prison for child porn offences.
yet another techy teaher almost got sacked for winching a pupil in the hamilton palace.
i was taught PE in 6th year by queens park's very own jamie longworth.
another PE teacher i had, who also happens to be tommy sheridan's nephew, got done for paedophilia, but managed to avoid jail.

as you can probably tell, strathaven academy is a pretty box-office school.

This post has been edited by bullywee: 12 February 2012 - 02:37

[SteamingparBoz]

Islay, on 11 February 2012 - 21:08, said:

Quite a few stories but I will reminisce about one particular one just now. You could get away with quite a considerable amount with one of the French teachers at DHS. He was ridiculously sound and managed to get his students to learn while enjoying the class at the same time. I remember not wanting to perform my French speaking test for a part of the Standard grade assessments. No idea why, I just remember really not wanting to do it and was thinking of ways of getting out of it. I attempted to put it off for as long as possible and after about 90% of the class had been assessed he asked me if I wanted to get mine over and done with. For some inexplicable reason I just said with a very confused look on my face that I had done the test with him the week before. A complete lie but I winged it and described the entire fake situation with some nice detail of doing the test and informed him he had given me a grade 2 (I didn't want to risk saying a Grade 1 so I thought I would settle for a 2). He looked as bemused as I did as to why there was no grade next to my name. I must have been convincing as he then wrote a 2 next to my name and went after the others who had not performed the test. I saw him shopping in Dunfermline about a week ago, he hasn't aged a bit. A timeless hero.

Was it Smeato? Smeato is an absolute legend! Doolan was the other one I remember, googly eyes.

[smpar]

Islay, on 11 February 2012 - 21:08, said:

Quite a few stories but I will reminisce about one particular one just now. You could get away with quite a considerable amount with one of the French teachers at DHS. He was ridiculously sound and managed to get his students to learn while enjoying the class at the same time. I remember not wanting to perform my French speaking test for a part of the Standard grade assessments. No idea why, I just remember really not wanting to do it and was thinking of ways of getting out of it. I attempted to put it off for as long as possible and after about 90% of the class had been assessed he asked me if I wanted to get mine over and done with. For some inexplicable reason I just said with a very confused look on my face that I had done the test with him the week before. A complete lie but I winged it and described the entire fake situation with some nice detail of doing the test and informed him he had given me a grade 2 (I didn't want to risk saying a Grade 1 so I thought I would settle for a 2). He looked as bemused as I did as to why there was no grade next to my name. I must have been convincing as he then wrote a 2 next to my name and went after the others who had not performed the test. I saw him shopping in Dunfermline about a week ago, he hasn't aged a bit. A timeless hero.

That could be Smeaton?

[Cardinal Richelieu]

The only exam I failed at school was 1st year art. I'm no Rembrandt, but I did learn the trick of drying the brush between changing colours. Me and half the lads in the class were cheeky b*****ds. In the exam, we had to draw a picture of something, can't remember what. The pass mark for the exam was 45%.... all the bad lads but me received exactly 45% for their picture. My score? 44%. What a cow. How the hell can you even give a picture a score out of 100?

And the teacher's name? Miss Fair

[Dosser-fae-the-shire]

Cammy35, on 11 February 2012 - 20:57, said:

Nothing that interesting happened at my school but one of my old English teachers (supply teacher) is now a comedy writer for Craig Ferguson's late show in the States. He also appeared in Rab C Nesbit once and had a brief spell as a stand up comedian,
appearing on some talent show doing a

Initials PM? I had him for French in first year. He was fuckin bonkers.

[Cardinal Richelieu]

The only interesting thing that happened to me at school was our physics teacher. Camp as a row of tents, yet he still managed to be a dour b*****d.

What we didn't know was that he had a part-time job as a TV presenter / newsreader on UTV (think a Northern Irish Jackie Bird).... of course, once he appeared on prime-time ITV, we all knew about it. Obviously, we were all quite awestruck that someone so boring and miserable did something so interesting.

But the grumpy git never answered one of our questions, and never even acknowledged the fact that he was on the telly.

What's more, he is the only teacher I've EVER had that made you work on the last day of term rather than just playing games

Here he is in all his camp glory.

[Cammy35]

Dosser-fae- the-shire, on 12 February 2012 - 18:28, said:

Initials PM? I had him for French in first year. He was fuckin bonkers.

Correct.

[latapythelegend]

Our old RE teacher at Larbert High got abused on a regular basis for supposedly being a peadophile. One day in 2nd year, little Sean McArthur didn't like the fact that Mr Sunderland made eye contact with him so stood up and decided to launch his chair at him. Safe to say this drove mr Sunderland to the edge and he left the school. His replacement, Mr Johnson, was actually one of the soundest teachers you will meet and quite ironically has been done for child pornography.

Also a 1st year girl with alapechia was dishing out gams in the disabled toilets last week supposedly.

[Michael W]

The Troll, on 11 February 2012 - 20:36, said:

My old English teacher ( ok to mention names?) was caught having flings with female students twice. The second time it happened he jamp off the Forth Road Bridge

He is also absolutely seething with your description of his death.