[Dindeleux]

Most likely done before.

We were talking about school at work tonight and I was saying how I wish things were easy enough in work that the worst thing you got hit with was a "punny". From there we got talking about a lot of stupid stories and things we did.

One of my main memories at school was a poor teacher in French being pelted with eggs one day - and having a bit of a breakdown as a result. I've got a few more to tell which I might share if the thread gathers pace

[Andy C]

I had the fortune to be in the same class as a big, daft delight called Wullie Vanbeck.

Highlights in Wullie's school career were...

Bringing in a massive universal remote control to change the channel when he knew we were getting a video. This thing stuck out the top of his rucksack, needed two people to hold it and a professional boxer to punch the buttons in. Hilarity ensued when the teacher couldn't understand why the tele kept switching over.

Throwing another of our classmates around a dog shit strewn field like an empty tracksuit after said classmate was mental enough to get on Wullie's bad side.

Best of all though, bringing in his Mum's dildo that he must have found earlier that morning on a treasure hunt of his parent's bedroom cupboards. This thing was nearly as big as his universal remote control and had a wee smiley face painted on it. Hilarity once again ensued when he started waving it around his head when the teacher was looking the other way.

Big Wullie VB = Legend.

[DeadStar]

I mind once at Primary school when I was in P6, the P7 football team had come back from a tournament (which they had won), and started celebrating by "Klinsmanning" down the hill, until one of them slid right through a massive dog shite and started greeting.

Simpler times.

[itzdrk]

i used ti tell my maths teacher (mr hazlehurst) that the cupboards in his class lead to narnia, slowly but surely people in other classes heard of this and soon all the classes he had of my year were doing it, and then other years found out , soon there was someone in every year was doing it , he then broke down and just started shouting my surname out banging on the desk

3 day suspension = worth it

i have more, ill come back and add them when i can be bothered

This post has been edited by itzdrk: 10 February 2012 - 01:45

[McKee]

Threads like these make you realize how lucky you are to have been raised outwith the sewers.

[Mr. Brightside]

^^^
Trying to avoid the "pissing himself" story and failing.

[Bonksy+HisChristianParade]

McKee, on 10 February 2012 - 02:13, said:

Threads like these make you realize how lucky you are to have been raised outwith the sewers.

People like McKee make you realise how lucky you are to have control over your bodily functions.

This post has been edited by Bonksy+HisChristianParade: 10 February 2012 - 02:20

[itzdrk]

McKee, on 10 February 2012 - 02:13, said:

[Dindeleux]

I nearly pished myself laughing there. Only nearly though because, you know..................................... .......................................... ...............you know

[Jambo Stu]

I missed this original McKee thing?! Where did it come out that he pissed himself?

[itzdrk]

Jambo Stu, on 10 February 2012 - 02:52, said:

I missed this original McKee thing?! Where did it come out that he pissed himself?

im sure it was him that uloaded a picture of his own pish stained jeans

could be wrong but

[Dindeleux]

Jambo Stu, on 10 February 2012 - 02:52, said:

I missed this original McKee thing?! Where did it come out that he pissed himself?

Here you go

www.pishedhisjeans.co.uk/mckee

itzdrk, on 10 February 2012 - 03:05, said:

im sure it was him that uloaded a picture of his own pish stained jeans

could be wrong but

[Dindeleux]

You will see that the bold Mckee has deleted some of his posts - but the quotes help set the scene as to what happened after I challenged his story (which, to be fair to him, was true by the way)

He has since deleted the picture sadly

[McKee]

Dindeleux, on 10 February 2012 - 02:46, said:

I nearly pished myself laughing there. Only nearly though because, you know..................................... .......................................... ...............you know

Go for it. If there's one benefit to growing up with the rats, then it's surely the heightened human excrement tolerance level, no?

[itzdrk]

McKee, on 27 August 2011 - 23:54, said:

I'm pretty sure I pished myself amongst other things. That was actually to avoid the girl though. She wasn't a dog or anything, I was just trying to boab someone else in her year, which I didn't end up doing anyway.

[black and gold army]

So I'm guessing McKee pished himself once upon a time? Happens to the best of us.

[10 CC ICT]

You've got to tell now.

[Hedgecutter]

The TV remote story reminded me about one guy who replaced a German listening tape with a Metallica one and turned the speaker system up full blast. The poor old biddie absolutely shat herself when she hit the play button. Like the egg story, my German teacher before her had coins thrown at the blackboard. That German class was most memorable for one girl taking full advantage of one situation.

[Rector walks into room]

Rector: "As half of you will know, a very serious incident took place in the last class and I would like to speak to some of you regarding what was said to your R.E. teacher Mr Tully"

[Girl stands up and shouts very loudly]:

Girl: "Sir, she called him a f***ing Irish b*****d, Sir!"


During one month, the fire alarm went off at the same time every week which confused the hell out of all the staff as none of the fire points had any glass smashed. Turns out one guy in my year had stolen and made a copy of the test key from the janitor's room and used this during his double-maths class every week just because he couldn't be arsed with it. The downside to this was that one class ended up standing in the sports field assembly point in their Speedos every week, which everyone but them found hilarious.

A prank on a friend once backfired as I sent him an email from 'administrator@postmanpat.com' as you can pick any name you want from that domain and send anonymous emails. The email pretended to quote an alleged earlier email involving how he wanted to 'stroke Postman Pat's pussy' etc and claimed that this email was being forwarded to the police under the Computer Misuse Act. My friend then asked his Computing teacher about this and in the end it got the head of dept. and the rector involved after he had to read out this cringeworthy saucy letter out in front of the class. We got it all cleared up in the end thankfully.

In a moment of madness, I once threw a basketball in my PE teacher's face from point blank range while he was sitting down taking the register and asked me to pass him the ball. Somehow I managed to bullshit my way out of it.

This post has been edited by Hedgecutter: 10 February 2012 - 10:04

[Zen Archer]

McKee, on 10 February 2012 - 02:13, said:

Threads like these make you realize how lucky you are to have been raised outwith the sewers.

To be fair, you annoyed the masses by assuming the higher ground.

*insert middle aged smug face here*

[Mrs M]

McKee, on 10 February 2012 - 02:13, said:

Threads like these make you realize how lucky you are to have been raised outwith the sewers.

And no one, not one of you, has connected piss and sewers to make a joke. Useless.

[Andy C]

McKee, on 10 February 2012 - 02:13, said:

Threads like these make you realize how lucky you are to have been raised outwith the sewers.

Yes, your 'privileged' upbringing has served you well what with being unemployed and still requiring toilet training.
Never mind, you still have that acerbic wit about you...

[Drooper]

Bloody hell. Where to start.

I generally disliked school, but have many memories of my time there.

In summary, I split a classmate's head open (kind of accidentally); damaged a teacher's car (not kind of accidentally) and was suspended for a week as a result; my high school HT referred to me as 'an arrogant and conceited young man' (my finest moment, I genuinely believe); doing the Grange Hill humming gag with my entire geography class to great effect (one of my fondest memories that one); and blackmailing the teachers who accompanied us on a trip to Norway in order that I wasn't confined to my cabin and could get to the drink.

Not all on the same day, right enough.

Christ, I really was an obnoxious little shit

[Haters Gonna Hate]

McKee, on 10 February 2012 - 02:13, said:

Threads like these make you realize how lucky you are to have been raised outwith the sewers.

Yo dude, I heard you pissed your pants.

[Andy C]

Drooper, on 10 February 2012 - 10:19, said:

doing the Grange Hill humming gag with my entire geography class to great effect (one of my fondest memories that one);

What is the Grange Hill humming gag?

[JamboMikey]

I seen a guy do that thing once where you blow a condom up over your head with your nose. He couldn't burst it though and he was running out of breath and started running about the corridor panicking. He ran head first into the fire alarm and the condom burst as the alarm went off. I'm pretty sure he got suspended for that