[the jambo-rocker]

fanny paddery, on 09 February 2012 - 13:17, said:

There are tons of clubs, we ended up in 1 called diamond. It was 2 quid (10 zloty) to get in, 15 zloty for a pint and 100 zloty for a dance.
The girls were excellent and it was about a minute from the old square.
Can also recommend the resturant rooster. Its like Krakows hooters but the beer was 7 zloty a pint and they showed just about any sport you asked for.
Can also recommend booking any activites through a website called madkrakow, they were excellent.
Finally if you havent got anywhere to stay yet the antique apartments were excellent, sleep 8 for a 10er a head a night.
Anything else just ask!

Cheers mate, much obliged!

[SodjesSixteenIncher]

Don't have the details on hand and a bit off topic but I'd check out the apartments on Paulinska. Cheap as f**k, held a squad of us no problem and across the street from a 24 hour bevvy shop which was very useful indeed.

[DA Baracus]

Only been to two, one in Edinburgh, and one in Dunfermline. Both were rotten. In the one in Edinburgh I just sat at the bar as the two mates I was with, one of who posted a few posts back, got private dances. One of the birds was from Kelty.


The one in Dunfermline was Private Eyes and was just nasty. The place was deserted, and about 7 of us went in. Same story. I just had a couple of drinks whilst everyone else got private dances.



Strip clubs are just awful places and are seedy as f**k. People who frequent them are usually seedy awful c***s themselves. They're pricey, full of usually rotten birds and they just seem nasty. I would far rather go to a pub or club (if the pubs were shut) and talk to some birds than ever go to strip club. As for the dirty fuckers who go with family members, or even think it's funny to see thier mates' balls or arse on display with some toothless, topless hag cackling over them; they're really a bit fucked in the head and are horrible, dreadful people.

[Bert Raccoon]

I've been to two. the first was Diamond Dolls in Glasgow for my mates leaving do. Was ok, the girls were all pretty decent. Had one dance and then had a few beers. One mate vanished then came back down asking where the cash machine was. f**k knows how much he spent.

The second was on holiday in Teneriffe. me and my mate went in for a laugh and sat at the bar, after ordering a beer I had a quick scan of the place and noticed that there were plenty of women but none dancing. then I realised we were in a brothel! Two girls started talking to us and my mate disappeared with this girl leaving me with this stunning scandanavian blonde who said she'd do anything I wanted. Feeling guilty about my girlfriend back home we agreed I'd have a lapdance. Lets just say it was rather intimate! After that was done I went outside to wait on my mate. Two hour later he arrived back out after spending a ridiculous ammount of cash on Champagne and doing god knows what with a prostitute from Manchester (why he picked one from manchester i'll never know) he then proceeded to tell me that he didn't have enough cash so had to use his card. His mum worked in his local bank and was always keeping tabs on his spending so he made me agree that I'd telkl her we went to a strip club and went a bit mental with the drink. I doubt she ever found out the truth.

[Psychedelic]

I've only ever been to one strip club; Toga Toga in Ayia Napa last summer. Me and a couple of my mates bought tickets off one of the Moped guys that patrol the strip, despite the repeated warnings of the Hotel reps to avoid the moped guys! The night was alright, the tickets cost €5, and it was €20 on the door. Seeing as we went at about 9pm it was totally dead inside. Drink wasn't too dear at €5 for a bottle of Keo, which was about standard for clubs.

The girls weren't too bad, most of them were Eastern Europeans working their way West, I ended up getting a dance off a tidy English girl. The dance was nothing like I expected, with dance being a very loose term. Grind would have been more appropriate in my opinion. The 5 minutes felt like less than 2, either way I'm glad I only took 30 euros out with me, as I could have spent a fortune.

I really didn't like the whole girls coming over to you, sitting on your knee trying to give you small talk and trying to flog a dance to you. Just felt really awkward since most of them couldn't really speak english. One of the girls was significantly older than the others and wen't mental at me for not getting a dance from her, saying that she needed to feed her children etc, and that if I paid her 20 then "I would get more than just a dance". No thanks! That said, one of my mates who was considerably more pished than I was, took her up on her offer and swaggered out of the wee booth with a massive grin on his face; got slated mercilessly for the rest of the holiday!

[Fuctifano]

Best : Munich during the 2006 world cup, was 13 euros to get in, but that got you 2 beers. 3 euros a beer, place was rammed so you weren't getting lassies coming up to you all the time, just able to watch the ones on the catwalk and still have a chat with your mates. Best memory (before Celtic ruined it) was the whole place clapping along to Just Can't Get Enough.

Worst (1): We used to go to Fury Murray's when it was a club, so when it turned into a strippers we felt duty bound to investigate. It was exactly the same apart from the dancefloor now having a pole and a catwalk. We noticed one of the dancers was a little on the large side, and drew straws to see who would get a dance off her. So it ended up being me. Waited for her to come over, thinking what shite small talk she would make.... <horrible squeaky ned accent> "Dye wantae see mah pussy?". During the dance I couldn't help but exhale loudly when she plonked her not inconsiderable arse on me.

Worst (2); Aberdeen, Private Eyes (don't know if 1 or 2)-, mate's stag do. I had no desire to watch said mate, who has possibly the hairiest back in the world, get stripped to his y's and slapped with his belt by a couple of Romanian junkies, but that's how it panned out. And it cost £20 each for the privilege.

Worst (3); Whitley Bay. Thursday night, work night out, stripper going round with the pint glass. One of the boys puts in 5p. We left (very) shortly afterwards.

[lithgierose]

Reynard, on 08 February 2012 - 21:24, said:

souperb sorted

[Cliche Guevara]

Fuctifano, on 09 February 2012 - 18:52, said:

Worst (1): We used to go to Fury Murray's when it was a club, so when it turned into a strippers we felt duty bound to investigate. It was exactly the same apart from the dancefloor now having a pole and a catwalk. We noticed one of the dancers was a little on the large side, and drew straws to see who would get a dance off her. So it ended up being me. Waited for her to come over, thinking what shite small talk she would make.... <horrible squeaky ned accent> "Dye wantae see mah pussy?". During the dance I couldn't help but exhale loudly when she plonked her not inconsiderable arse on me.

I hope they renamed it Furry Marys or something.

[ICTChris]

Disappointed that nobody has confessed to being a massive fan of lapdancing and owned up to going there every weekend, on their own, to buy dances off the same girl.

Sad days P&B.

[Sergeant Wilson]

ICTChris, on 08 February 2012 - 20:58, said:

One of the places in Edinburgh used to do a lunchtime special of soup, roll and a lapdance for £15.

What kind of soup?

Anyway, I've only been to one lapdancing club..........143 times. Only kidding, been in hundreds of clubs, pubs and God knows what on visits to Soho.

I was talking to a girl one night who was just back after getting a desina vagina. I got a free look in the interests of research.....me being a Doctor and all. She wasn't happy when I asked if she got the bits taken off to take home and put under her pillow, she wouldn't sell me them either.

Went out with one from the Burke and Hare years ago, seen her at the lunch time show and met her for a night out later. She got us in all the pubs and clubs free when she visited her pals....all at my expense......Good night though.

Was in one in Soho that would allow masturbation for an extra tenner......A tenner to do it myself? No thanks love.

The maddest is The Flying Scotsman at Kings Cross. I thought it was named after the train, but It's full of Scotsmen and they're all flying. I spent more getting tapped by alkies than I did on the women. The same guy tapped me every night (sometimes more than once) with the opening line. "Ware ye fae?" I gave a different answer every time. Inevitably that's where he "wiz fae".

Sleazy ones are the best......full of loonies.

[Zen Archer]

ICTChris, on 08 February 2012 - 20:58, said:

One of the places in Edinburgh used to do a lunchtime special of soup, roll and a lapdance for £15.

To answer Sergeant Wilson's enquiry, it had to be Cullen Skink.

[Lambie's Pigeon Feed]

Once I leave Scotland I'm all about the strippers.

Budapest involved being frog marched to the bank (and me taken in a taxi to my hotel when that proved fruitless) one by one by massive Russian b*****ds because we ran up a £600 booze bill between 3 of us, we had 2 bottles of beer each and bought 4 bottles of wine (I had one stripper sitting on each knee), that was the first night of the holiday as well. Didn't even get any extras.

[Sergeant Wilson]

Zen Archer, on 09 February 2012 - 23:21, said:

To answer Sergeant Wilson's enquiry, it had to be Cullen Skink.

Short odds you might get a hair in it.

Years ago in the Burke. A wee woman came in with a tartan shopping trolley on wheels, headscarf, raincoat etc. I was just thinking poor wee soul doesn't know what kind of pub she's come in to. 5 Minutes later she was on the stage.

I frittered a lot of my ill gotten expenses up there. The Phoenix must have as well. If he says anything else he's a liar.

[Cammy35]

Went to one in Edinburgh once, twas a dump. an old mans pub painted black, with cheap lighting and a pole for dancing round on a thing I could hardly call a stage. Highlight of the night was a lapdance in a cubicle from a Scottish girl who had shaved her pubes and put fairy lights in them to make her bush look like a crimbo tree.......nice.

[Sir Kevin Of Kilsyth]

ICTChris, on 09 February 2012 - 22:09, said:

Disappointed that nobody has confessed to being a massive fan of lapdancing and owned up to going there every weekend, on their own, to buy dances off the same girl.

Sad days P&B.

[Sergeant Wilson]

Cammy35, on 10 February 2012 - 00:04, said:

Went to one in Edinburgh once, twas a dump. an old mans pub painted black, with cheap lighting and a pole for dancing round on a thing I could hardly call a stage.

I don't think you were meant to be on it.

[Cammy35]

Sergeant Wilson, on 10 February 2012 - 06:43, said:

I don't think you were meant to be on it.

From memory I wasn't.

[Cardinal Richelieu]

Went to a stag do in Manchester last year... one friend who'd never been to the strippers before was like a kid on Christmas Eve. He spent 60 quid on dances alone on the first night and the same amount on the second night.

Unfortunately, he was using his bird's bank card and she was none too pleased. Not at the fact that he'd been ogling naked women, but the fact that he used an oh-so-expensive cash machine in the strippers, rather than shift his lazy arse to the free cash machine located right outside.

[Hedgecutter]

I've unfortunately been in three places of ill repute (Aberdeen in Nottingham), two on stag nights with little say in the matter as the best man organises it all and another from just peer pressure. From what I've seen so far, anyone that frequents these places must surely be there simply because they can't get at least an average bird themselves. If women do this 'professionally', I expected them to be at least half good looking, probably why they have to dim the lights anyway.


Related tangential story: On the peer pressure one, a mate of mine was struggling to get out of a conversation with one of the girls and tried to make up an elaborate story involving me taking his card, going outside and pretending to come back in claiming he'd reached his overdraft limit. I just gave his card back and then left the place as I didn't have any desire to be there any longer. He said that he didn't mind and he'd just get a taxi home by himself.

The next day, I get a phone call at work from this guy asking me if he'd been acting a 'bit funny' the night before. I said no and he said "well, I've just got out of the royal infirmary. They found me slumped in the doorway of the AFC clubshop next to the taxi rank and they found traces of rohypnol in my blood". Bloody hell I thought and I felt pretty bad abandoning him.

A few weeks later, we find out from another friend who knows his sister what really happened. Turns out he actually got a taxi home but he turned up blazing and tried to get into bed with his mum and dad. They sent him packing before he tried to secretly crawl back into the room and back under the covers at the foot of the bed (this guy's big by the way). Obviously he thought that being date raped in a stripclub was less embarassing than trying to get into bed with mum and dad in his mid-20's.

[DA Baracus]

People who organise stag do's to go to strip clubs must be mind numbingly stupid and unoriginal.

[Kejan]

I've been to a couple. 2 in Scotland and a couple abroad. Not really keen on the whole experience.

Went on my 18th to Diamond Dolls in Glasgow. Was 'treated' to a dance from my friends and it was a generally good experience. A sturdy and busty Canadian-Argentine straddled around. I had been about as close to top-notch muff then as Super Ally is to being able to afford a free transfer signing.

Private Eyes in Aberdeen a few years back. Wasn't in it long enough but my 10minutes weren't that great. Dully lit place, mostly pug faced women with bleached blonde hair and the men all look like the type of journeymen European football coaches who end up coaching African national teams.
We were kicked out after 10 minutes. A friend told one of the munters to f**k off and why would anyone sane want a dance with her and she of course was not too happy with this and were asked to leave.

[Cliche Guevara]

I suppose it's like a lot of associated experiences, you get used to it/desensitized.

If there is a word I could use to sum-up my limited experience of the world of strip-clubs it would be 'grim'.

I went to The Metropolis in London, during the day, kind of unwittingly. It was rather surreal, detached, and devoid of any human emotion. There were loads of little games going on, loads of different dynamics, and I was quite quickly identified as a waste of time. You could see the desperation evident in dancers and patrons and I'm pretty sure if someone had stood up and shouted 'this is total shit - why are we all doing this?' everyone would have understood the position but just carried on regardless. At that point in time I thought if I was going to be anywhere of that nature, it might as well be a brothel. You either want it or you don't.

My second experience was in Amsterdam. It was with a fairly intellectual crowd for my best mate's stag. We pretty much went for the drugs and stayed in the red light district as that was identified as the coolest place to be and competitively priced. Most of the boys met up at this particular point and everyone was pretty much spaced out after little effort. We were at this apartment and some bird, who nobody seemed to know, took us on a tour of the red-light district. It was tragic. Teachers, musicians, nerds, trudging along past these windows like some inter-galactic chain gang. After the 'tour' we convened in a pub and played some pool and the collective sigh of relief was quite amusing. There is something about tripping out your nut on 'Damski skunk, that sharply focuses the mind on the tragedy of the whole set-up. I imagine the same experience being pretty drunk would be dramatically different, right enough, but sometimes there is a certain kind of stoned where a court-yard containing a window full of desperate dutch prostitutes, a gang of scouse sexual deviants, Angus folk-musicians and psychtropic distortion isn't the best buzz in the world.

[Tam M]

I've been to a few for a laugh with the lads.

First time was in Aberdeen, was brilliant, she was a dirty.
Second time was in Blackpool, was pish, didn't even get her knickers aff.
Third time was in Paisley... Burd asked me "What school was it you went to?"