[Deano1874]

What are your top 5 football related things that you would like to 'banish'?

1 - Extremely coloured boots - They looking ridiculous. Especially when it's little cretins like Leigh Griffiths that model them.

2 - The 'wheyyyyyyyy' shout when someone misses the target with a shot - In principle it is brilliant, but it has been killed through overuse. When someone curls a shot 6 inches wide from 30 yards, it just doesn't work. When used properly it can destroy self-confidence, for example if someone has an Iwelumo-esque miss against you, but it just irritates me now.

3 - Ultras in the Scottish game - You may think it will be brilliant to try and imitate some of the shite you seen on one of the many chronic Danny Dyer programmes on Bravo, but you are making an arse out of yourself. I am all for a good atmosphere, but shitty little banners like the Somerset Regattzi or the Drum Beat Mafia display is just cringeworthy.

4 - Supporters that think the whole world is against them - The quite frankly embarrassing conspiracy theories of Celtic supporters, or Dundee supporters who thought the whole world was against them when nobody wanted to go to Dens Park when they were in administration, or Falkirk pleading the poverty case despite the council handing them an SPL-compliant stadium and using a University for training facilities. Celtic, get a grip of yourself. Hugh Dallas is a c**t, we get it. A linesman and a referee fucked up, deal with it. We had a last minute winner at New Douglas Park given then chopped off and there were shady circumstances surrounding it and we didn't spit out the dummy. Dundee, the sheer arrogance when you were bought over and when you were attempting (and failing) to buy the title coupled with the fact Dens Park is over-priced, away supporters get treated like convicted criminals from the Tayside Polis and get stuck in that disgusting little asbestos hole at the end of your Main Stand. That was the reason nobody could be arsed going. Oh, and your little plan of boycotting away games would only work if you still had a decent travelling support. Falkirk, you are a shitty little club that punched above it's weight for a few seasons and somehow thought it would last forever. You and Steven Pressley are quite the match, walk the walk but can't talk the talk.

5 - Moronic Old Firm supporters - For the 1% of OF supporters who genuinely support Rangers/Celtic because they are from Govan/The East End fair enough. But people who use the 'I'm a Catholic/Protestant so I support Celtic/Rangers' brigade, the same people who ask you who 'your big team is' and their argument against you supporting your local team is 'aha there shite'. Do Scottish football a favour, stop beating your wifes after you lose an Old Firm match, take a long walk off a short pier and make the world a better place.

On reflection; they may not be in order, but you get the point.

[TheLip69]

1)See that woman on ESPN who stands in front of the teams in the tunnel and has a wee word to camera before graciously allowing the teams to take to the field. GET HER TO f**k.
2) See that desk that ESPN bring out onto the pitch for big matches, GET THAT TO f**k.
3) See Mark Hateley and his inability to say anything derogatory about Rangers "St Mirren have taken 4 points of the Old Firm this season" NO Mark they've taken 4 points off Rangers. GET HIM TO f**k
4) See sloppy journalism at the Daily Record and Sunday Mail, apparently Rangers and Celtic had all the possession at Tannadice yesterday, while at Easter Rioad it was team and team. GET THEM TO f**k.
5)See stupid threads like this ona messageboard. GET IT TO f**k.

[Thumper]

• Spain
  
• Italy
  
• Brazil
  
• Morton
  
• The alcohol ban

Good thread by the way.

This post has been edited by Thumper: 22 January 2012 - 23:25

[#Gary]

Colin Stewart.

The over-protection of goalkeepers.

The aforementioned Old Firm fans.

Team GB.

Shit pundits like Craig Burley.

[SuperCaleyGoBallistic]

1. OF fans complaining about refereeing. Seriously?
2. Shite pundits on sportscene. I'm looking at you, Craig Paterson.
3. Dougie Imrie scoring against us. Unacceptable.
4. Supporters 'ultras'. Think they're brilliant but in reality it's just a few wee neds being fuckwits.
5. Liverpool FC. Horrible football club.

[Deano1874]

SuperCaleyGoBallistic, on 22 January 2012 - 23:54, said:

1. OF fans complaining about refereeing. Seriously?
2. Shite pundits on sportscene. I'm looking at you, Craig Paterson.
3. Dougie Imrie scoring against us. Unacceptable.
4. Supporters 'ultras'. Think they're brilliant but in reality it's just a few wee neds being fuckwits.
5. Liverpool FC. Horrible football club.

Barry Robson passing as fully literate, never mind a Sportscene pundit.

[mattydfc]

Dundee fans make me so angryyy

[Cammy35]

To follow the ESPN theme I would add Colin Hendry as a football pundit. Every time he is asked a question he answers a different one.

[The OP]

1. People sitting directly behind you with whingey voices, no footballing knowledge, and hundreds of fecking opinions.
2. People from England shitting on the Scottish league. We're allowed to do that, you're not. It's not really surprising to me that our league isn't as good as one where the team that finishes last gets about a bajillion £s as a reward.
3. People who write-off all Celtic and Rangers supporters as gloryhunters, but who have a "second team" from the English top flight to which they have an extremely tenuous link at best. Even worse than that are people who don't support a Scottish team at all, but support someone like Arsenal and refer to them as "we" and shit like that. Both of these types aren't allowed to shit on the SPL either.
4. People in or around Celtic trying to get us into the English league, when it's clearly not gonna happen.
5. People who complain about the additional officials behind the goals as if they're personally paying for them. Who really cares if they don't do much? It's not as though their presence is somehow harming the game.

I could do about a million more but I hate people who do "Just missed out" on top 5 lists more than any of the aforementioned!

[Diamonds are Forever]

1. People getting all raging because of the 'card-waving' gesture and the 'trying to get a fellow professional sent-off' line. If the ball goes out of play, you appeal for it, if you think you've been fouled, you appeal for it, if you think a player deserves a red card then why shouldn't you say so? If the referee is that weak that he is that easily influenced then that's his problem. Sky Sports in particular seem to have a fascination with it, at Harry Redknapp's press conference on Friday the interviewer asked him three times about Mancini's card waving trying to get him to condemn it. Who gives a s**t, talk about something interesting instead of such a non-issue.

2. Fans who say of their team 'that's just typical insert team here', 'we always do it the hard way' or any other comment like that which makes out that their club is somehow unique in losing a late goals or not winning every game comfortably 5-0. Every club that has ever won anything will have 'done it the hard way' at some point, and every club loses late goals or f**ks up in some way, it's not unique to your club.

3. The phrase 'up top'.

4. The phrase 'second to none'

5. Probably the over-protection of goalkeepers, they've already got an advantage by being able to use their hands, they don't need any more help.

[SodjesSixteenIncher]

1. Terrace managers - The twat behind you who commentates the whole game with absolute pish, usually peppered with the words 'son', 'wee man' etc. Not only does this fellow talk constantly but his expert opinion is always 100% wrong. 'CLOSE HIM DOWN. FUCKING CLOSE HIM DOWN!!!!!' Yeah, because nothing could go wrong with Michael Hart or Sean O'Hanlon steaming up to the ball with 40 yards of space behind him.

2. 'Footy' fans - The people who watch football in establishments like Walkabout. The only thing worse than a 'footy fan', decked in his replica kit with his favourite players name and number on the back, is two footy fans talking to each other about footy. Second hand cliched opinions that even my gran could recite from Match of the Day. 'Think Arsenal could do with a bit of bite about them.' Wowzers, thats some fresh data right there boys.

3. OF fans reactions to their team scoring - Fair enough, rejoice in your team scoring. That's what football is all about. I swear though, Celtic and Rangers are the biggest fist pumping, triumphalistic, wrist clappers you'll ever see in a football ground. When Brown scored against St Mirren the usual ESPN OF sook up began and a panaromic shot of the crowd going absolutely apeshit was aired. Brown gets paid more than the entire St Mirren squad and anything else than a comfortable win should be considered an abject failure. Yet OF fans somehow seem genuinely surprised and euphoric everytime it happens. This is magnified even more when it's in a pub or on a sofa with someone who never goes and is trying to emphasise his 'passion.'

4. EPL fanboys - Really an extension of point 2, but with the added dimension of being unbearably patronising about Scottish football. "Dude Scottish football is so pointless and boring but hey, do you know that Alex Song has a 79% tackle conversion rate, but only a 16.7 pass per game ratio?" Please cease breathing immediately.

5. Sky/ESPN Americanised coverage - Sky's Super Sexy Sunday Dinner Supper Bread and Butter Double Deadly Header Tuesday!!!! The music from Requiem for a Dream getting blaired over the top of the highlights from the last time Stoke locked horns with Wigan. Just simmer down. If the bit where Jamie Redknapp and Graeme Souness sit about with distractingly undersized grey trousers isn't re-labelled as the 'half time show sponsored by X' within 5 years I will be absolutely shocked.

[ihavecandygetinthevan]

• Cup draws being made in the middle of the afternoon on a Monday without being televised. Bring it back to just after the Saturday cup ties.
• Sepp Blatter.
• Just having 1-up/1-down between SPL & First Division.
• Majority of Old Firm supporters.
• 4-6-0.

[itzdrk]

1, the SPL - horrible little organisation

2, people who still refer to positions such as inside lef

3, silent home supports

4, away days to dumfries, stranraer, dingwall inveness & aberdeen

5 , the fact i dont have a 5th

[Deano1874]

itzdrk, on 23 January 2012 - 08:45, said:

1, the SPL - horrible little organisation

2, people who still refer to positions such as inside lef

3, silent home supports

4, away days to dumfries, stranraer, dingwall inveness & aberdeen

5 , the fact i dont have a 5th

Dumfries and Dingwall are two of the few good away days in the First Division! Love Dingwall, a good bevvy on the way up, pubs that are a five minute walk from the ground and a terrace. Can't ask for much more.

[Marshmallo]

1. People who think tactics are solely numbers with some dashes in between them
2. People who don't know the rules ("he got the ball" or "he wasn't the last man" are particularly bad examples)
3. People who pick teams from every league for absolutely no reason and start "supporting" them (this applies across all sports, it appears to be particularly bad in the NFL just now)
4. Supporters of your side who think that any objective criticism of the side means you hate the club
5. People who think they are experts on a particular league because they watch the 15 minute ESPN highlight package

[Ayr_United_1910]

1) People who call footballers by their first names as if they are best pals with them. 'Oh great pass Wayne', 'what a strike Lionel', 'better luck next time Fernando'. These usually fall into the category of the know-it-all gentlemen that stand/sit behind you during a game.

2) The people who 'have a soft spot for Ayr United (this can apply to their home town team in any town/city across the country)' but support the Old Firm. The 'oh you're just back from the Ayr game, that was a great result. I remember when I used to go and watch Ayr. Obviously I'm a Rangers/Celtic man at heart but always had a wee soft spot for Ayr, like to see them do well'. That really gets up my nose.

3) Gary Neville on Sky Sports, get him to f***!

4) The attitude of the authorities that every football supporter is a thug.

5) The 'he got the ball', 'never a foul', 'how can that be off-side' shouts from the stands. 9 times out of 10 it is a foul/offside.

[Reid]

1. Shitey pundits that seem like they just repeat themself every 15 minutes. For example, Andy Walker (who does this in every game) would say "Cillian Sheridan used to play for Celtic" for absolutely no reason.
2. When the media make out completely average players are so fucking great. Scott Parker, Gary Cahill.
3. The press' and other managers' outrage of when Mancini waves an imaginary card. What's the difference between doing that and actually going "ref, that's fucking booking. How's that not a booking?".
4. Diving. Enough said.
5. The anti-England brigade.

[Clayhole Blue]

'Football fans' who never go to games but are huge experts on it. They watch Sky, ESPN, MOTD, Sportscene, etc and know the game inside out but wouldn't know how to find a ground. They are killing our game from the bottom up the way by just sitting on their arses in the pub and at home, and when discussing the latest televised game will earnestly make a point about the number of empty seats at the game! At some point TV will get fed up with showing games from half-empty venues and will move on.

This post has been edited by Clayhole Blue: 23 January 2012 - 12:52

[TheScarf]

This -

SodjesSixteenIncher, on 23 January 2012 - 02:09, said:

OF fans reactions to their team scoring - Fair enough, rejoice in your team scoring. That's what football is all about. I swear though, Celtic and Rangers are the biggest fist pumping, triumphalistic, wrist clappers you'll ever see in a football ground. When Brown scored against St Mirren the usual ESPN OF sook up began and a panaromic shot of the crowd going absolutely apeshit was aired. Brown gets paid more than the entire St Mirren squad and anything else than a comfortable win should be considered an abject failure. Yet OF fans somehow seem genuinely surprised and euphoric everytime it happens. This is magnified even more when it's in a pub or on a sofa with someone who never goes and is trying to emphasise his 'passion.'

And -

Craig Burley. Fuck off you boring cunt. You're not funny and you were a very average footballer. Your uncle is a cunt as well.

The fact that the Scottish Cup is not seeded. An un-popluar choice probably. When Gretna got to the final in 2006 as a 2nd Division team, they didn't play a single SPL team until the final. I just think thats bollocks. To win a cup it's my opinion that you have to beat the best along the way to do so. I don't buy into the romance pish.

OF fans be-littling your side.

Craig Paterson.

[Supras]

Marshmallo, on 23 January 2012 - 10:27, said:

3. People who pick teams from every league for absolutely no reason and start "supporting" them (this applies across all sports, it appears to be particularly bad in the NFL just now)

Whenever I watch football matches or even highlights I usually tend to have an inkling for one team, even it is tenuous and complete nonsense. Although it used to be the same when I watched scrapheap challenge (the green team ALWAYS lost).

I think it is just human nature. When it does happen I tend to go for kinda shite teams, like supporting the St. Mirren of France or something.

[Mozzamozza]

1. Celtic.
2. Rangers.
3. Celtic.
4. Rangers.
5. Celticrangers.

[Jacksgranda]

Cammy35, on 23 January 2012 - 00:31, said:

To follow the ESPN theme I would add Colin Hendry as a football pundit. Every time he is asked a question he answers a different one.

My wife's like that, as are most of my female relations in general.

[Erin Go Bragh]

A lot of these are hates of mine (I'm a very angry person when it comes to football, especially towards prem footy fanboys), so I'll try and find another five. In no perticular order:

1) The song "what a shitey home/away support". I've heard Hibs fans sing this many a time, and I've heard it sung about us often too, in fact you could sing it in nearly all SPL games because crowds are usually shite all round. It's completely pointless, if a club has a small support then why are you mocking those that are there, what are they meant to do? It's like people have convinced themselves that their team has more fans because they all have more mates, rather than having 25 times more trophies. Even worse when sung by English people, ie "your sahport is facking shit".

2) Smug fans of shite teams. We all are annoyed by smug gloryhunters, but people who have a wankathon over how great they are for supporting pish teams are almost as annoying. I worked with an East Stirlingshire fan who would make some nonsense statement, and when I disagreed he'd dismiss it because "you know nothing about real football". Eh? I support a pish team who hardly win anything, because you watch football in a shed with just your 93 cousins doesn't make you a better fan. FWIW I'm not contradicting my first point and looking down on people for supporting small teams, but it's not a badge of honour.

3) People who live in Scotland and say "the SPL's shite, I prefer watching The Premiership". I wonder why it's shite then?

4) Grown men in football shirts. I'm glad it's not as bad here as down south, but it's still bad. It's worse when it's a 50 year old obese man with "Riordan" on the back of his shirt. Pretending to be someone half your age is massively retarded.

5) "Football banter" cuilture, pretty much anything invented by Tim Lovejoy. "WHO ARE YA, WHO ARE YA"? Look on your ticket you fucking bellend.

[yoda]

People who boo and hurl abuse at their own team when they are passing the ball about. Probably a County specific one but I've lost count of the number of times I've been standing in the Jailend and a few old boys behind me starting screaming abuse at the team because County are 0-1 down with 70 minutes to play but are insisting on passing the ball about rather than hoofing long balls towards a forward who can't win headers. With 10 minutes to go, yes I can understand that and I have shouted for the ball to get lumped forward, but when there's less than 20 minutes gone there is no need.

The hatred towards the 4-5-1 system. Usually from people who are adamant that rigid 4-4-2 should be played at all times.

People who berate OF gloryhunters but support a successful English team. I'm well aware I have a soft spot for West Ham, but they aren't a particularly successful club.

Barcelona fan boys. "I love Barca, they play such attractive football, nothing to do with their success by the way". Yes they are the greatest club side to have graced the planet but take your circle w**k over them somewhere else.

Crowd w**k debates.

This post has been edited by yoda: 28 January 2012 - 13:03

[mattydfc]

Old firm
Old firm supporters
The pretend football casuals

Thats all i really have at this moment in time.