[Clyde 1877]

After witnessing some of the writing skills that a few of our P&B members have, I thought it would be a good idea to have a dedicated thread to this sort of thing.

Article writing, short stories and poetry are more than welcome on this along with any other kinds of writing.

Suppose i'll get it started then.

This piece is about the possible impact that a passing game could have on Scottish football.

http://dannyksports....ay-forward.html

Hope to see the writers of P&B show off their skills.

[vikingTON]

Hmm, I wouldn't say that piece is good at all. And there's no such word as Obvcourse, unless I'm missing an in-joke.

[T_S_A_R]

lay off the commas.

[Clyde 1877]

vikingTON, on 18 January 2012 - 19:57, said:

Hmm, I wouldn't say that piece is good at all. And there's no such word as Obvcourse, unless I'm missing an in-joke.

Nope, that would be poor grammar on my part.

[GingerSaint]

Clyde 1877, on 18 January 2012 - 19:48, said:

This piece is about the possible impact that a passing game could have on Scottish football.

http://dannyksports....ay-forward.html

I don't think it discusses the impact it will have on Scottish Football at all. It basically just says 'Barcelona are good, Swansea are good, so we should copy them.'

[Sweet Pete]

Clyde 1877, on 18 January 2012 - 19:48, said:

After witnessing some of the writing skills that a few of our P&B members have, I thought it would be a good idea to have a dedicated thread to this sort of thing.

Article writing, short stories and poetry are more than welcome on this along with any other kinds of writing.

Suppose i'll get it started then.

This piece is about the possible impact that a passing game could have on Scottish football.

http://dannyksports....ay-forward.html

Hope to see the writers of P&B show off their skills.

Yes, that's true, it was Livingston's superior passing game and not their (comparatively) huge budget and solely full-time status that won them back-to-back promotions from the part-time leagues. You're very insightful.

[Jimmy85]

Has there ever been a P&B suicide? Can see this thread ending with someone taking their own life tbh.

[calum_gers]

Barcelona have 3 Champions league titles in the last 6 seasons. Not 5.

[vikingTON]

Yeah as general rules go:

You need to read, and redraft any work. Typos and mistakes happen all the time, more so when typing. They stand out to a reader and interrupt the flow of finished work.

You should also try to avoid using 'dead' words, unnecessary adjectives are a particular waste. Try and make sure every word is serving a purpose, if one is labouring, get rid of it or find a more efficient expression.

As a discursive piece goes, the link between the example and the point isn't particularly clear. Take 'Livingston as an example of a successful passing side'. The example is cited, then partly discredited by circumstances, which undermines the argument. Then the piece asserts it to be a good example anyway without further supporting evidence.



None of these should ever be a reason to stop writing but it should always be a case of practice, review and starting over.

[Clyde 1877]

Haha i just wanted a place for people to display anything they have written. Anyone has the right to criticise my work, i dont mind.

Just a hobby.

[Shelldon]

I quite like it. I agree that watching people pass the ball to reach the goal is a lot more entertaining than punting it up the pitch.

[Clyde 1877]

Shelldon, on 18 January 2012 - 20:21, said:

I quite like it. I agree that watching people pass the ball to reach the goal is a lot more entertaining than punting it up the pitch.

People That like it 1

Everyone Else 36

[jojo]

Clyde 1877, on 18 January 2012 - 19:48, said:

After witnessing some of the writing skills that a few of our P&B members have, I thought it would be a good idea to have a dedicated thread to this sort of thing.

Article writing, short stories and poetry are more than welcome on this along with any other kinds of writing.

Suppose i'll get it started then.

This piece is about the possible impact that a passing game could have on Scottish football.

http://dannyksports....ay-forward.html

Hope to see the writers of P&B show off their skills.

hes talking about me, everyone.

As for the piece by clyde, i agree the passing game should be encouraged but it would be boring if there were 12 swanseas as you said. There can be other styles that do not mean keeping it on the deck all the time but still entertaining and impressive. But well, done i enjoyed it.

This post has been edited by jojo: 18 January 2012 - 21:04

[kanadia]

Half decent effort Clyde. Certainly more insightful and relevant than the tosh Billy Dodds writes for the Sunday Herald.

[Cyber_soccer]

vikingTON, on 18 January 2012 - 19:57, said:

Hmm, I wouldn't say that piece is good at all. And there's no such word as Obvcourse, unless I'm missing an in-joke.

vikingTON, on 18 January 2012 - 20:11, said:

Yeah as general rules go:

You need to read, and redraft any work. Typos and mistakes happen all the time, more so when typing. They stand out to a reader and interrupt the flow of finished work.

You should also try to avoid using 'dead' words, unnecessary adjectives are a particular waste. Try and make sure every word is serving a purpose, if one is labouring, get rid of it or find a more efficient expression.

As a discursive piece goes, the link between the example and the point isn't particularly clear. Take 'Livingston as an example of a successful passing side'. The example is cited, then partly discredited by circumstances, which undermines the argument. Then the piece asserts it to be a good example anyway without further supporting evidence.



None of these should ever be a reason to stop writing but it should always be a case of practice, review and starting over.

You're a bit of a cock, aren't you?

This thread potentially could have had some legs. Not now.

[Thundermonkey]

Cyber_soccer, on 19 January 2012 - 08:44, said:

You're a bit of a cock, aren't you?

This thread potentially could have had some legs. Not now.

It's still got potential, who cares what some cretin on a website has to say. I'm fairly certain there are a couple of guys who have had their bits of writing picked up from this site and been presented with further opportunities.

When you decide to put work up for public consumption you've got to have a thick skin. Thankfully it looks like the OP has that.

[vikingTON]

Cyber_soccer, on 19 January 2012 - 08:44, said:

You're a bit of a cock, aren't you?

This thread potentially could have had some legs. Not now.

I think you'll find I've offered constructive criticism on a writing style that quite clearly isn't good enough right now. It requires a lot of revision and practice, and I've provided some helpful pointers.

On the other hand that you've just decided to have a good greet about tone without contributing anything to the thread. Do one.

This post has been edited by vikingTON: 19 January 2012 - 14:50

[banterman86]

vikingTON, on 18 January 2012 - 19:57, said:

Hmm, I wouldn't say that piece is good at all. And there's no such word as Obvcourse, unless I'm missing an in-joke.

^^^^^^
Constructive

[vikingTON]

It's very constructive, and indeed, a diplomatic review of the piece. If people received a string of glowing platitudes for sub-standard work then we'd all be communicating like Primary 1 children. As it is, criticism exists for a reason and people will have to deal with it.

[Nkomo-A-Gogo]

Wheely bin all stuffed with bin bags why do you stink so?
Could not close lid and fox did bid to pull some rotting food below.
Another week of dreadful stench awaits til binmen come to quench.
But thankful now for colder days that bin bags dodge those solar rays.
Seven days i have to wonder am i going to repeat the blunder
Of staying up late and sleeping in and not taking out my wheely bin.

[banterman86]

vikingTON, on 19 January 2012 - 15:09, said:

It's very constructive, and indeed, a diplomatic review of the piece. If people received a string of glowing platitudes for sub-standard work then we'd all be communicating like Primary 1 children. As it is, criticism exists for a reason and people will have to deal with it.

Saying something "isn't good at all" as opposed to "that was bad" isn't constructive

I'm just being an arse though, I fully agreed with your second post, especially the point about "dead" or needless words.

This post has been edited by banterman86: 19 January 2012 - 15:15

[Clyde 1877]

Nkomo-A- Gogo, on 19 January 2012 - 15:09, said:

Wheely bin all stuffed with bin bags why do you stink so?
Could not close lid and fox did bid to pull some rotting food below.
Another week of dreadful stench awaits til binmen come to quench.
But thankful now for colder days that bin bags dodge those solar rays.
Seven days i have to wonder am i going to repeat the blunder
Of staying up late and sleeping in and not taking out my wheely bin.

First time i've ever heard a poem about a bin.
However its well constructed and i enjoyed it

[Nkomo-A-Gogo]

Clyde 1877, on 19 January 2012 - 15:15, said:

First time i've ever heard a poem about a bin.
However its well constructed and i enjoyed it

I just write from experience,
Just threw some porridge oats out to the birds so might fire one off about that.

[Cyber_soccer]

vikingTON, on 18 January 2012 - 19:57, said:

Hmm, I wouldn't say that piece is good at all. And there's no such word as Obvcourse, unless I'm missing an in-joke.

That's not constructive.

vikingTON, on 19 January 2012 - 14:50, said:

I think you'll find I've offered constructive criticism on a writing style that quite clearly isn't good enough right now. It requires a lot of revision and practice, and I've provided some helpful pointers.

On the other hand that you've just decided to have a good greet about tone without contributing anything to the thread. Do one.

There really wasn't any need to scrutinise his blog to that level.

I think it was just an opportunity you couldn't resist, to get your entry in for a dick swinging competition.

This post has been edited by Cyber_soccer: 19 January 2012 - 15:21

[Sweet Pete]

Cyber_soccer, on 19 January 2012 - 15:19, said:

There really wasn't any need to scrutinise his blog to that level.

I think it was just an opportunity you couldn't resist, to get your entry in for a dick swinging competition.

Why wasn't there any need to scrutinise the blog? If someone posts up their writing then they are agreeing to accept comment. Obviously, they will hope that it's mainly positive responses that they garner, but there's no guarantee of that. vikingTON's responses were perfectly reasonable. If you're happy to read any old drivel and commend it as good purely to avoid upsetting anyone, or worse, purely to applaud not the content but the effort of writing it then go ahead, but some of us have standards and opinions and aren't afraid to share them.

The lad's posted up his blog, and that's a bold move which I commend, but I'm not going to congratulate him purely for the fact that he's posted it. I found the article to be poorly researched, poorly constructed and the subject matter to be somewhat nonsensical. That's my opinion and I'm perfectly free to give it, that's the entire point of his posting it surely? He's looking for responses, which is a gamble that you take when you ask for opinions. Don't get so upset about folk giving their opinions.

Or maybe you're just getting uppitty because it's vikingTON who posted something critical?