After much arguing about this, including our host threatening to switch our server off, and me threatening to up sticks and move to a new host, we have agreed on the root cause of the problem and have worked out a way to hopefully resolve it.
Microsoft have a thing called Smart Network Data Services which they use to monitor spam. This exists of various technologies but one of them is by re-activating dormant, ceased or deleted old hotmail mailboxes and then reviewing the contents of what is sent to them. If they see a lot of email from a particular sender they mark it as spam
Seems bonkers to me but there you go. It's called a Spam Trap. Nice one Microsoft.
Of the 20,500 odd members we have some 8,000 or so registered using hotmail addresses. Obviously a lot of them have since changed email addresses, have left P&B or whatever. In short we don't know whether the mailboxes are still active.
The accounts might still be active subscribers to topics or forums, or be set to receive notifications when a PM is sent. So we might still be sending emails to these mailboxes, we are hitting spam traps, Microsoft are reporting us for being spammers and our hosts are telling me to sort it out.
So, what we are going to do tomorrow is send an email to ALL our hotmail users. You don't need to reply to this, you don't need to do anything with it, but the emails that we cannot deliver will send a bounce back to our systems and allow us to identify "bad" hotmail addresses in our members database.
We will then update those accounts to stop the board from sending any further emails to members who are flagged as having a "bad" email address.
So, there you go. A riveting update from P&B towers.
Please all of you ensure that the email address we have on file for you is valid and up to date.

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