[ThatBoyRonaldo]

In freshers week, me and my flatmates had a party, and invited our entire stair. I spent most of the night chatting up the hot girl from upstairs, with a moderate degree of success, i thought. Anyway, halfway through the night, we twigged that our flat had a loft, which we so far hadn't noticed. So a few of us got up there and had a wee nose about. I dont know what we were looking for, but it didnt live up to the expectations of a bunch of drunk hyper teenagers. It was a loft. So we decided to get out. For some reason it crossed my mind that if I were to jump out like spiderman straight onto the floor, rather than clamber awkwardly onto a chair or ladder like a normal person, then the hot girl would find it amazing and be all over me instantaneously. So I jumped out the loft.

I ended up with cuts and grazes all up my side, on the floor for about 10 minutes, badly hurt and embarrassed. I dont think I've spoke to the girl since.

What are your stories of dating ineptitude?

[Billberry1989]

told her i was a celtic fan.

[keithgy]

Billberry1989, on 27 August 2011 - 20:19, said:

told her i was a celtic fan.

And started alias accounts on P&B

[wisbit]

I tryed to vault over a road barrier whilst out on the piss an yip i made a rip roarin cnt of it.
Crash bang wallop into the curb. I braved the night out, although i was a grumpy fk the entire night.
Made it back to the house party where i made my excuses an went to bed. I woke up an hour or so later with my back in spassims screaming for an ambulance, the final straw was the paramedic taking me to the toilet before getting into the ambulance.
Needless to say she never answered her phone calls from me.

[ffcsam]

Probably when I was 18. On Holiday in Rhodes in a small apartment complex, there was a crowd of Geordie females staying (slightly older than me).
We all got along fine together with the rest of the folk staying and had a few drinks during the day before going our separate ways at night.
One night they the girls asked if I would go along with them to Rhodes Town that night for a bevvy session. I said yes (whilst trying to act all cool) and said i would meet them at 9 o'clock. 9o'clock came, the girls arrived and off we went. Everything was going great, beer, vodka, ouzo, raki etc was flowing and we were all enjoying ourselves (with one girl in particular) until I stupidly suggested we all go skinny-dipping at the harbour. Holiday Romance fail

Moral of the story is, no-one likes a pasty -white guy eager to strip off

[keithgy]

ffcsam, on 27 August 2011 - 20:35, said:

Probably when I was 18. On Holiday in Rhodes in a small apartment complex, there was a crowd of Geordie females staying (slightly older than me).
We all got along fine together with the rest of the folk staying and had a few drinks during the day before going our separate ways at night.
One night they the girls asked if I would go along with them to Rhodes Town that night for a bevvy session. I said yes (whilst trying to act all cool) and said i would meet them at 9 o'clock. 9o'clock came, the girls arrived and off we went. Everything was going great, beer, vodka, ouzo, raki etc was flowing and we were all enjoying ourselves (with one girl in particular) until I stupidly suggested we all go skinny-dipping at the harbour. Holiday Romance fail

Moral of the story is, no-one likes a pasty -white guy eager to strip off

[attachment=58337:sammy.jpg]

Sammy after skinny-dipping

[bullywee]

this is my effort, taken from a different thread:

bullywee, on 24 August 2010 - 15:35, said:

about a month and a half ago, while on holiday in magaluf, i was in a some jack daniels bar with friends and we managed to get a bottle of some aftershock-esque stuff as part of their 'superb deal'. although the stuff itself was fucking rank, it acted like honey to a swarm of munters and in no time at all we found ourselves encircled by the bottom rung of british society.

me and a friend constructed some bullshit story on the spot about how we could both speak fluent spanish and english after growing up in the same spanish village, then moving back to scotland in our early teens. in another outlandish attempt to impress we claimed that we spent half the year studying at strathy and the other half at the university of tenerife. at frequent intervals during this fairly intense chatting up period my friend and i would turn to each other and talk in made-up spanish before laughing then talking to these birds again. for some reason these birds loved this and we were most definitely 'in'.

before long i was being dragged into some club by an absolute hound of a girl who came from stirling. believe it or not this is not where the main source of embarrassment stems. the worst was still to come.

inside the club i noticed that there was a lot of very muscly guys (all with outstanding birds, but that's not the point). the dog and i were dancing away to your run of the mill, generic club tunes getting rather intimate. for some reason the mill stopped running and a song i had never heard in a club before came on. that one from dirty dancing. before long the club was awash with stunners being hoisted into this classic pose by their ripped tae f**k boyfriends:




it is at this point that i should mention that i'm quite tall and most certainly not ripped tae f**k. with dreams of romanticism and grandeur, soon lassie was commanding that i lift her up. for some reason i agreed. the initial lift went alright and i got her to a fair height, but my hands were in the wrong place and my arms were beginning to buckle. i've not watched wrestling in a while, but i know what a choke-slam is. and i'm guessing she now knows too. soon embarrassment had filled the hole where drunkness once was and i was left feeling horrified by my own actions. needless to say she left the club without me.

some good did come of the affair though as another pal went on to shag her the same night. i make for the ultimate wingman/tag-team partner.

[Billberry1989]

keithgy, on 27 August 2011 - 20:20, said:

And started alias accounts on P&B

Its my only account.

Normally ou ban me when the beer is flowing but as long as you remember that I didn't contribute to the horrible antics that Livi-uster engadged in. I feel your moderating 'skills' promote your friends and gets rid of folk without reason.

However comments about your wife/children are our of order and something I would never put my name towards. Liviulster is a dick and was bang out of order/

I have 15 names in a loop for a new account so banhammer( ) away if you wish takes me 10 secs to return

[wisbit]

keithgy, on 27 August 2011 - 20:41, said:

sammy.jpg

Sammy after skinny-dipping

[keithgy]

Billberry1989, on 27 August 2011 - 20:45, said:

Its my only account.

Normally ou ban me when the beer is flowing but as long as you remember that I didn't contribute to the horrible antics that Livi-uster engadged in. I feel your moderating 'skills' promote your friends and gets rid of folk without reason.

However comments about your wife/children are our of order and something I would never put my name towards. Liviulster is a dick and was bang out of order/

I have 15 names in a loop for a new account so banhammer( ) away if you wish takes me 10 secs to return

We have other plans for you old chap trust me

[mattydfc]

Probably drinking a litre of vodka straight. That was the most horrible experience of my life.

[Reina]

Billberry1989, on 27 August 2011 - 20:45, said:

I have 15 names in a loop for a new account so banhammer( ) away if you wish takes me 10 secs to return

What a sad c**t.

[mattydfc]

Billberry1989, on 27 August 2011 - 20:45, said:

Its my only account.

Normally ou ban me when the beer is flowing but as long as you remember that I didn't contribute to the horrible antics that Livi-uster engadged in. I feel your moderating 'skills' promote your friends and gets rid of folk without reason.

However comments about your wife/children are our of order and something I would never put my name towards. Liviulster is a dick and was bang out of order/

I have 15 names in a loop for a new account so banhammer( ) away if you wish takes me 10 secs to return

And I'm the sad-sack.

[F_T_Y]

mattydfc, on 27 August 2011 - 20:54, said:

Probably drinking a litre of vodka straight. That was the most horrible experience of my life.

^^^^^ bullshit

[Patrick Bateman]

mattydfc, on 27 August 2011 - 20:54, said:

Probably drinking a litre of vodka straight. That was the most horrible experience of my life.

Now Matty, that didn't happen, did it?

[mattydfc]

F_T_Y, on 27 August 2011 - 21:02, said:

^^^^^ bullshit

Patrick Bateman, on 27 August 2011 - 21:11, said:

Now Matty, that didn't happen, did it?

I understand if you don't believe me, I wouldn't believe someone if they said it either. It was the single worst experience of my life, I preferred watching my Gran get buried than the day after.

[Erin Go Bragh]

A couple of weeks in to uni we were all going to go for a night out but decided to stay in and get steaming instead. I was in the flat upstairs getting out of my 19 year old mind and watching Taken with everyone, when a tidy as f**k girl from our stair walks in and asks when we're going out. I explain that nobody's up for it and she suggests the two of us just go out. "Here we go" I think, and we head off to ABC together.

Before we even reach the club I know I'm in there, all very friendly and touchy feely indeed. We get in and it turns out she's a bit of a mental drinker, we go to the bar we're necking the Jaegerbombs. I'm really determined not to be outdone here, but my mind forgets to remind me that I'm already cunted on Frosty Jack's and she's just starting. I keep necking them down and I start thinking I'm the dogs bollocks, untill my stomach starts churning.

I rush to the toilet and start throwing up everywhere, I can't even stand up. Eventually about 45 minutes later I'm getting escorted out because "you can't sleep in the toilets mate", and I have to do the walk of shame past a 5 foot 2 17 year old girl wondering why the f**k she went out clubbing with a daft poof that can't handle his Jaeger's.

Mortifying.

This post has been edited by Erin Go Bragh: 27 August 2011 - 21:45

[DA Baracus]

Twofold story here;


1. I joined the Young Enterprise thing at school. This does not get you any action.


2. Our Young Enterprise group put on a school show. Me and another lad were on the doors. At a birthday party a week or so later, I bragged that I had pocketed some of the takings (I hadn't) in an effort to look 'cool' and a bit dangerous. This did not work. In fact it was so unsuccessful that one, or two, of the girls grassed me in, and the matter was passed to the headmaster, who wanted to not only expel me, but to also have me charged. Luckily as he couldn't prove anything, the matter had to be dropped. Not that there was anything to prove, as like I say, I hadn't even pocketed so much as 10p.


Fail.

[F_T_Y]

mattydfc, on 27 August 2011 - 21:39, said:

I understand if you don't believe me, I wouldn't believe someone if they said it either. It was the single worst experience of my life, I preferred watching my Gran get buried than the day after.

sorry i doubted you.all the best man.

[Yellow Army Faithful]

Went to the dancing and was chatting up some no bad lass, end of the night came, walking down the stairs and slipped, twisted my ankle badly, I couldnae walk, the bouncers had to help me hop to the taxi... She never text me back.

[Yellow Army Faithful]

Also had an incident when I was 14 a with 2 litre bottle of frosty jack, effectively downed it trying to show off to some lassies, 2 hours later my face wasin a bin throwing up all of the days meals and my mate was phoning my mum. Bad night indeed

[chuckles]

bullywee, on 27 August 2011 - 20:45, said:

this is my effort, taken from a different thread:

Now that is one funny story !!!

[Ad Lib]

I'm scared of women.

[Breaking Decency]

I once went to a Blue concert with a girl I was trying to get duuuuurty with.

I didn't even get anything from her in the end, but I did get endless abuse from my mates.

[berwick-the-unbeatable]

keithgy, on 27 August 2011 - 20:48, said:

We have other plans for you old chap trust me

It's like Big Brother, it was always going to come back.


The return of the sin bin.