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From todays Scotsman:
EDINBURGH PREPARES FOR A HIGHLAND INVASION
BY EWEN "SQUIRREL" MCMURRAY
Lothian and Borders Police have today announced that the force will be cancelling all leaves for Saturday 11th September 2010, as Leith prepares itself in readiness for a potential human hurricane. The National Criminal Intelligence Unit (NCIU) has received reliable information which suggests that two of the most notorious football "firms" in Scotland are planning to stage a full membership "union" - called the Gathering - at the Hibernian versus Inverness Caledonian Thistle SPL league game.
The two firms - "The Mob" and "The Sesh Army" have been rumoured to have been in the throes of amalgamation for several months, and Police Surveillance Units have noted that there has been an increasing mingling of the two factions at recent ICT away fixtures.
Bob Plod of the NCIU stated that "There has been evident increasing activity at many of the recent ICT matches where incidents have been monitored, reprted and observed - A fun loving Greenpeace Steward was jostled, hustled and abused at Greenock; a faction of the ICT support stood and chanted incessantly at Dumfries, the frivolity and pitch invasions carried out in Ayr were reminiscent of Wembley 1977 and there were mass expulsions from Tannadice where a steward was rushed to hospital with a scratched tupperware box."
PC Plod advised members of the public to avoid direct confrontation but reassured them that many of the potential noise makers were fairly easily recognised - half of them are bald and fat and the others are young and trendy. Their apparent battle cry is "Stand Up For The Caley Jags" and the noise levels and atmospheric problems appear to increase when they perform their War dance or "Haka" which has the curious tradition of taking off one of their shoes and waving it in the air.
Meanwhile the Leith Central Community Council met urgently yesterday. They are arranging for all local residents to be issued with free ear plugs and are in the process of soundproofing the local Drill Hall in Dalmeny Street where residents can gather as a "place of safety" on the day. It is also rumoured that the Council will be employing observers from the Noise Abatement Society who will be on the streets with Analogue Sound Level Meters. Lothian and Borders Police have also reassured the council that spot checks for megaphones and loud voices will be randomly carried out.
The only local business that would appear to be opening its doors to the Highland Hurricane is the Iona Bar. Its owner Harry, who also runs the Ship Inn in Ayr, told us " There have never been any incidents in here before. We tape up the windows, use plastic glasses and most of the regulars are tone deaf anyway. I will be only too happy to allow any highlander to lubricate their tonsils pre match.
Local Inverness historian, Ian Broadfoot, informed us that the Gathering was not a surprise to him but was probably an event that was always going to occur. He felt that "It is a natural progression, the marriage between the days of yore and the vivality of the present and the future"
"The Mob are a post merger amalgamation of the "Caley Animals" and the "Heathmount Back Bar Brigade". They are all now mature and wise individuals in their thirties, forties and fifties. Whereas the "Sesh army" have grown over the last few years and are the future of ICT - a bit of a Fan Academy really. Some say it is a bit like a Robbie and Gary reunion but I would liken it more to a meeting between Johnny Rotten and Amy Winehouse.
Reprentatives of the Mob and the Sesh Army were unavailable but we met with an AndyM of the "Real ICT Sweet Rustling and Gurning Society" who stated that " My fellow sweetie rustlers and I will be monitoring the situation and will be advocating that the throng are moved en masse if they make too much noise, preferably to Tynecastle."
The final word laid with David Sutherland on behalf of the ICT Board. He assured all concerned that " We are appalled by these rumours and wish to distance ourselves from any support and/or encouragement. We have always done our uptmost to prevent an atmosphere at any of our games. It is not in the best interets of ICT to allow laughing, smiling, singing, standing and camaraderie to seep back in to the stands - we have a repuation to uphold and the TCS is a glowing example.
EDINBURGH PREPARES FOR A HIGHLAND INVASION
BY EWEN "SQUIRREL" MCMURRAY
Lothian and Borders Police have today announced that the force will be cancelling all leaves for Saturday 11th September 2010, as Leith prepares itself in readiness for a potential human hurricane. The National Criminal Intelligence Unit (NCIU) has received reliable information which suggests that two of the most notorious football "firms" in Scotland are planning to stage a full membership "union" - called the Gathering - at the Hibernian versus Inverness Caledonian Thistle SPL league game.
The two firms - "The Mob" and "The Sesh Army" have been rumoured to have been in the throes of amalgamation for several months, and Police Surveillance Units have noted that there has been an increasing mingling of the two factions at recent ICT away fixtures.
Bob Plod of the NCIU stated that "There has been evident increasing activity at many of the recent ICT matches where incidents have been monitored, reprted and observed - A fun loving Greenpeace Steward was jostled, hustled and abused at Greenock; a faction of the ICT support stood and chanted incessantly at Dumfries, the frivolity and pitch invasions carried out in Ayr were reminiscent of Wembley 1977 and there were mass expulsions from Tannadice where a steward was rushed to hospital with a scratched tupperware box."
PC Plod advised members of the public to avoid direct confrontation but reassured them that many of the potential noise makers were fairly easily recognised - half of them are bald and fat and the others are young and trendy. Their apparent battle cry is "Stand Up For The Caley Jags" and the noise levels and atmospheric problems appear to increase when they perform their War dance or "Haka" which has the curious tradition of taking off one of their shoes and waving it in the air.
Meanwhile the Leith Central Community Council met urgently yesterday. They are arranging for all local residents to be issued with free ear plugs and are in the process of soundproofing the local Drill Hall in Dalmeny Street where residents can gather as a "place of safety" on the day. It is also rumoured that the Council will be employing observers from the Noise Abatement Society who will be on the streets with Analogue Sound Level Meters. Lothian and Borders Police have also reassured the council that spot checks for megaphones and loud voices will be randomly carried out.
The only local business that would appear to be opening its doors to the Highland Hurricane is the Iona Bar. Its owner Harry, who also runs the Ship Inn in Ayr, told us " There have never been any incidents in here before. We tape up the windows, use plastic glasses and most of the regulars are tone deaf anyway. I will be only too happy to allow any highlander to lubricate their tonsils pre match.
Local Inverness historian, Ian Broadfoot, informed us that the Gathering was not a surprise to him but was probably an event that was always going to occur. He felt that "It is a natural progression, the marriage between the days of yore and the vivality of the present and the future"
"The Mob are a post merger amalgamation of the "Caley Animals" and the "Heathmount Back Bar Brigade". They are all now mature and wise individuals in their thirties, forties and fifties. Whereas the "Sesh army" have grown over the last few years and are the future of ICT - a bit of a Fan Academy really. Some say it is a bit like a Robbie and Gary reunion but I would liken it more to a meeting between Johnny Rotten and Amy Winehouse.
Reprentatives of the Mob and the Sesh Army were unavailable but we met with an AndyM of the "Real ICT Sweet Rustling and Gurning Society" who stated that " My fellow sweetie rustlers and I will be monitoring the situation and will be advocating that the throng are moved en masse if they make too much noise, preferably to Tynecastle."
The final word laid with David Sutherland on behalf of the ICT Board. He assured all concerned that " We are appalled by these rumours and wish to distance ourselves from any support and/or encouragement. We have always done our uptmost to prevent an atmosphere at any of our games. It is not in the best interets of ICT to allow laughing, smiling, singing, standing and camaraderie to seep back in to the stands - we have a repuation to uphold and the TCS is a glowing example.
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